[Tiggysgirl]

Well, whether this adoption works out or not, we don't yet know. However, it has made it very clear to us that we want a child and we'd rather not wait for another couple of years.

Unless money starts growing on my pecan tree out back, agency and international adoption are much too far out of reach for us. I'd never even thought about doing an adoption independantly, but now I'm thinking it may be our best hope.

The problem is, I don't really know HOW to independantly adopt. I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday to talk with him about this current situation and also the possibility of adopting through a different situation, but I'm wondering if any of you could share your stories or direct me to a place where I can find out information. When I search online, I seem to be only finding very general sites (or is that all there is?!). I don't know what the process is or how it works at all.

I'd really appreciate anyone's help!!

Thanks,
Amy

[aniles]

There are grants and money available to help people with international and other adoptions. Have you looked in to this? You might just meet with an agency or 2 in your area and see if they have any helpful advice for helping to finance an adoption. Help is available - you just have to look for it (just like college scholarships!). Plus, there is the $10,000 tax credit, which I heard a rumor that it may be increasing. I would urge you to not give up just yet! And, places like guatemala are close and so travel costs are much less expensive and pick-up trips are short. Anyway, good luck!

[aniles]

Here are some websites to check out:

http://www.affordingadoption.com/
http://www.angelfire.com/journal/ado...adopthelp.html
http://www.davethomasfoundationforadoption.org/ (has info on grants in there)
http://www.adoptiongrants.com/
http://www.adoption.org/adopt/intern...ion-grants.php
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p968.pdf (tax credit info)

Also, international adoptions (depending upon the country) can be pretty quick compared to domestic adoptions. I wish you the best of luck! If you want to adopt - there is a way!

[Tiggysgirl]

Thanks Ani, I'll look into it. The problem other than money with international adoptions is that my husband is in the army. At any other time it might not be a problem, but he doesn't have the ability to say, "hey, i need a week off" ... they say, too bad, you're training LOL

I know most need both parents to travel and with us, it's just not possible. we'd have to be able to ask for the leave a few months in advance and I know that doesn't really happen much with adoption.

I'll look into it though, thanks!
Amy

Oh, and also with the tax thing, we do get $2000 back as well from the Army, BUT, all of it is post placement. If we owned a house, it wouldn't be a big deal, but we don't and it means we have to fund all the money up front. We'll see though.

[MkMw]

Have your DH talk to his C.O. when you get ready to adopt, you might be surprised at how flexible (and understanding) they can be. Alhtough, I do understand that the army is less flexible than the Coast Guard.

When we were ready to adopt the boys, everything moved REALLY fast, and Matt had to be there in order for us to bring the babies out of the hospital - he was on a ship at the time and the CO, so they couldn't get underway without him. AND, of course, he was scheduled to be underway. Long story short - in less than 24 hours - going through all the "chain of command" stuff - right to the Admiral had the ship's schedule altered so that he could be there.

I guess what I'm saying - is, just ask! all they can say is no, and they might say yes.

[tobeafamily]

Tiggy,

Check out the book "Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year" by Randall Hicks as that focuses more on ways to independently adopt.

The key difference between 'independent' and 'agency' adoption is in who does the 'work' of making the connection between expectant and hopeful adoptive parents, and in the availability of counseling for both expectant and prospective adoptive parents. In independent adoption, the burden is on you and to a lesser extent your attorney to make the connection. In Texas, where I see you are, attorneys are not permitted by law to search for expectant parent 'matches' on your behalf.

You will still need and pay for a homestudy.

You will still need and pay for post-placement supervision.

I'm not sure honestly how much money you will save by going independent, though I'm sure there's some savings.

As for DH being AD/USA, we were AD/USN when we adopted. DH was very forthright with his command about our plans, and they were more supportive than we'd thought since he was in a deploying squadron at the time. They even let us run an 'open chit' for his leave to commence when we got the 'she's in labor' call. Their one condition was that we bring our son to the squadron so he could visit and get his picture taken in a jet - no problem there.

We lived in an area (Tidewater VA) where there is a large military concentration, so we weren't the only family in our support group who were AD. We heard similar stories - of commands allowing sailors to carry cell phones to get THE CALL, and some where commands were more rigid.

I would encourage your DH though to really communicate with his command though, as he may find them more flexible. Further, it's a FANTASTIC networking source. DH was approached by an E-8 whose daughter was pregnant and another AD sailor who was considering placing. Military takes care of military, it was amazing how fast word travelled that we were looking and how supportive everyone was.

Oh and saving - man, we saved for a year. DH skipped the roach coach and ge-dunk and brown bagged his lunch, we asked friends & family to give us donations to our 'baby fund' in lieu of presents at Christmas and birthdays, we had garage sales, etc. So just focus on saving - even if it's $25 a pay period to start - and of ways you can generate more income - like having home parties and having the distributor give you $$ instead of
% off sales and selling stuff on eBay or getting a seasonal job.

Just some thoughts, hang in there.

Regina

[ses1230]

Amy,

We adopted DD privately. She is now 7 months old. After we were homestudy approved, we made a website and had it put on some popular "dear birthmother letter" websites.

DD's bmom saw our website and contacted us. We had a
Quad A attorney, and also one for DD's bmom. The process went very smoothly for us, our attorney was fantastic. We finalized in September.

If you need more info about the websites we used, let me know.

Good luck!

Stephanie

[Tiggysgirl]

Thanks for all the info. The other adoption fell through. Even though she was in labor, we were told by her family that it still looked good, but in the end she decided to parent in hopes that it would give her the edge to get back together with the father.

I can't decide how angry I am about any of it LOL I mean, dh and I were perfectly fine waiting until he came back from the sandbox, but now it was just so close and I think we could both nearly feel a baby in our arms.

BUT, I just really think the money isn't going to be there. We have the promise of some family money, but of course it won't be nearly enough. I don't think our credit is good enough to get a loan and it's hard right now to even apply because I don't know how I'll handle more disappointment. I've looked through website upon website and it still all looks the same ... way too much money.

I'm supposed to meet with an attny today at 4:30 and I was still going to go just to get info, but I'm not sure if I will or not. The temptation to crawl back in bed is pretty strong, especially since my hubby is out in the field.

As for flexibility, I'll talk to him about it. The other major division here is leaving in a month or so and my hubby's division will be leaving sometime around 9-10 months from now. Their training is really rigorous right now and part of me thinks that even if they gave him the time, would it be really selfish to pull him out of that when I want him to have all the training he can before he leaves.

Wow lol this got long. Thanks for reading and thanks for all of the info, it's been very appreciated.
Amy