[Tiggysgirl]

Hi ... well, I don't even know how to begin!! My husband and I know we'll have problems getting pregnant (I have PCOS) and were deciding whether we'd pursue adoption right now or not. He's in the military and he wanted to try to get pregnant for a little while, until he was deployed. I agreed, especially knowing that he is perfectly okay with adoption.

Anyway, my mother-in-law told me yesterday that she knows a girl who is pregnant and wants to give the baby up for adoption. My husband said, "well, we'll take the baby" ... so, it looks like we are at least in the initial stages of a possible independent adoption.

I'm going to speak with a lawyer on the Army post this week and also talk to my mother-in-law again ... mostly to make sure she was serious !!! I was in a daze.

Anyway, I'm looking for advice, ideas about how much it could cost (I'm thinking some med expenses and a lawyer??) ... I'm still flustered!!!

Thanks!

[tobeafamily]

Welcome,

First, Army Legal Aid isn't going to be able to help you much. They're not set up to handle domestic parental placement adoptions. You're going to need an attorney with experience in this area.

The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys keeps it's member list online at www.adoptionattorneys.com. Check the list for lawyers near you, call at least three and talk to them about their experience, services, rates, and your comfort level with them, etc.

You'll need to have a homestudy done, your attorney can help you arrange this or you can contact some local adoption agencies - again check their services, fees, and your comfort level with them, etc.

Depending on where you live, your total cost can run anywhere between $3 - $10K, possibly a little more. The military reimburses up to $2K in expenses post-placement, and there's also a federal tax credit up to $10K.

The good news is that you don't have to come up with a big lump sum - most will work with you. We did it when DH was E-6 AD/USN. We did save for a year before we started the process, ended up though that we didn't even touch the 'baby fund', just cash-flowed stuff.

HTH, best of luck, please feel free to ask questions. This board is a wealth of information!

Regina

[Tiggysgirl]

Do you know what it is that Army Legal can do with adoption? I know when we got POA's in March it said on their sign that one of their services is adoption, so we'd thought they could do it??

Anyway, thanks for the information!! We decided to give it a break last night, but I'll be calling my mother-in-law tonight and asking her my list of questions.

I have a couple of questions for you, Regina, if you'd rather email me, that would be fine! I'm assuming you did independant adoption? Did you have to advertise or was the estimated cost you gave me just attny's fees/expenses?

Also, I know when you go through an Agency, a lot of times they ask you to make either a website or photo album about you and your husband. Would something like that be appropriate if we went to meet the pbmom? Or would it be better to just go and meet her/talk to her without bringing anything like that and just talk? (We were thinking of taking her out for dinner ... I know you can get into trouble for paying for things, but is dinner okay to pay for??)

Thanks!!! Amy

[tobeafamily]

Amy,

Army Legal may be able to help with stepparent adoption, you'd want to check with them. That's usually the extent of it. Domestic parental placement is very state-specific law, and typically Army Legal Aid attorneys are licensed in A state, but it may not be the state you're living in.

We used an agency and also did our own networking to adopt. We did do advertising and networking. Our son was born in another state - Texas - we lived in Virginia. So our attorney fees were a bit higher - total of about $6,000 as there were a total of four attorneys involved (our VA attorney, our TX attorney, bparents TX attorney and the guardian ad lietum for Ryan). We elected to pay for them to have separate representation to ensure all went well.

I think if you'd like to make a photo album it couldn't hurt. As far as dinner - check with your attorney - make sure it isn't someplace extravagent or super-expensive, keep a receipt and be sure to send the receipt copy to your attorney for recordkeeping. Expensive or extravagent dinners can be viewed as an attempt to influence. We were fine with dinners as long as they were 'reasonable' - like Applebee's or Lone Star Steakhouse.

Feel free to PM, I'll help where I can.

Regina

[Tiggysgirl]

Well, I'd like to thank everyone for letting me read all of their wonderful (and yes, some sad) posts about their adoption journeys. Especially Regina for all of the wonderful information.

This current adoption journey for us seems to be ending before it started. My mother-in-law called today and told my husband that the girl is in labor as we speak and she has no idea if the girl is still doing adoption now. However, I'd think that if she's in labor and still wants to do adoption, she's already chosen a family.

There is no way that we can currently afford the $25,000 necessary to do adoption here right now, so I suppose it means that we'll go back to life as it was a week ago and wait for two years before starting again, assuming we have the money at that point.

I really thought I wasnt' that emotionally attached, especially since it's only been a week, but I'll admit my heart still hurts a bit.

Thanks again and blessings to you all!
Amy

[Tiggysgirl]

This is turning into my journal!! Thanks for all of the PM's, I've appreciated everyone's input, encouragement and help!

I spoke with my MIL last night after she left a message for my husband about the girl going into labor. I'd talked to my mom and she said, "call her back right now and ask her if she's going to find out if their doing adoption!!!" lol so, I did. My MIL called me later that night and explained the situation.

She knows the girls step-mom and called the house earlier yesterday. She's been in labor for 2 days and no one's talked to her during that time about adoption. Before she was in labor she still wanted to, but never did anything about it, so there is no agency and no waiting family.

My MIL left a message for her or the step-mom to call her about it. I'm sure right now they aren't thinking about adoption, but getting the baby out.

I'm anxious and nervous. If she does still want to do adoption and chooses us ... well, we could parents very soon.