[Hoping4ababy]

My husband and I got a call yesterday about a baby girl that had been born Sunday night. The birthmother had a conflict with the couple that she had originally chose so she was once again looking for adoptive parents for her daughter. Our agency called us to see if we would be interested and of course we jumped at the opportunity. We were so sure that we were going to get chosen for this little girl, but today we got the phone call that another couple had been chosen. Our hearts are broken. This has happened to us so many times that I feel like just throwing in the towel!! I want another child so bad but at the same time I feel like saying enough is enough. I'm to the point now that I don't feel like this is ever going to happen for us.....

Thanks for listening and letting me vent!
God Bless
Kenna
Hoping4ababy

[jheald]

It is so hard to wait and accept all the "no" phone calls. We had a couple cases where it was between us and one other family and we weren't chosen. You just start wondering why! Maybe you need to tweak your profile or something, but then again, it just depends on the pbmom. Could be hair color or an activity you describe. You never know. Hang in there!

Janet

[Linny]

Kenna:
I don't know how long you've been waiting.......but nonetheless, I am so sorry that you've had to ride the adoption rollercoaster in this manner for more than one situation.
It IS hard. It's VERY hard...and for anyone to assume that it's not, they just don't 'get it'!

We have adopted many times.....and I honestly am not so sure it gets any easier in the waiting phase; but I can say that our approach to 'a call'...or a 'sudden call'.....is different than it has been. I think it's important to do a lot of mental 'self-talk' during this waiting time---to the point---at least---that you're thinking, "I may be SO excited; but this baby is NOT ours until we are actually chosen and the paperwork is signed."
Too many agencies play on the emotions of the waiting couple and don't fully explain to them that most of the time....couples are going to get called and come sooooo close to having a baby in their arms....until something happens. This happens SO much of the time; but agencies don't like to talk about it (neither do facilitators and possibly some attorneys too). But I honestly believe it's a fact of adoption.

There was a time before we got our youngest dd....that we literally were holding the baby in our arms at the agency's cradle care home....when the agency called to say 'everything's off...the birthmother has lied about everything'. We were stunned. We were saddened. But, even through our sadness, we came to the realization that this just wasn't meant to be---that we could have brought this baby into our home and hearts---only to have had to bring him back to that state (ripping our hearts out in the process...not to mention a good deal of money).

Three days later, we were called about 'this baby' through our own agency; and this baby ended up being our baby.

Try to keep as open-minded as you can possibly be during this time. I KNOW this is hard; I KNOW this seems unfair (vent away because it almost seems cruel sometimes); and I KNOW you feel like throwing in the towel. But it IS common. It IS the way adoption so often goes; and truly, if you'll just hang in there.....your baby WILL come. (In my belief....if you're supposed to have another baby...you will....even if the wait is much longer than you anticipated. (((HUGS)))) )

Try thinking of other things. Read posts about couples who have been in your shoes and now have their babes in their arms. It happens.....it really does. Just try as much as you can to be patient.

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[Missourimomtobe]

I have no words of wisdom but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you're going through this! (((HUGS)))

[kimmie11]

Don't give up! I know its hard but hang in there. Its worth the wait. Your bungle of joy will be happy you did.