[wenrl]

Hello fellow waiting parents! I've been around on these boards for a long time, but just joined the ranks of the waiting for the second time.

My partner and I currently have a nine-year old adopted daughter through foster care. She's been with us almost 1.5 years. Although we have only just started waiting again (and I mean a couple of days), I already have anxiety about how long this will take this time -- last time was 2 years!

So for the sake of talking about waiting, I have some questions for anyone who cares to answer.

1. What is your family make-up now?

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?

3. From where are you planning to adopt?

4. How long have you been waiting?

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?

These are my answers...

1. We are a two mom family with one nine-year old girl.
2. We are waiting for one more girl, 1-4 years younger than our daughter, so 5-8 years old.
3. We want to adopt through our state DCYF.
4. We've only been waiting a couple of days.
5. I'm afraid we'll be misled or someone won't know enough about our new child's needs. I'm afraid we'll bite off more than we can chew and not have the right resources for all her needs and she will not be able to grow and improve to her best ability with us as parents.
6. My greatest hope is that we'll have a repeat of what has transpired with our first. She will blossom and exceed expectations with our family. She'll feel loved and be able to love us in return. Of course, having been through this before -- I know that won't come easy and will take some work from everyone in our family, including the child herself.
7. We've only been matched once and that is with our daughter. We were only matched after moving out of state after waiting such a long time with nothing from our own. It was really difficult and there was a lot of harrassing her worker for months before we were actually matched.

So tell me about you.

[srusse24]

1. What is your family make-up now?
It's just my husband and me (and 3 dogs).

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
Gender is not important to us, but we do want a newborn.

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
Here in the U.S. We are actually working w/ an agency that deals specifically w/ bmothers and adoptive parents from our state.

4. How long have you been waiting?
We haven't actually started the wait yet. We still are waiting to have our homestudy.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
The changes having a baby will bring to our lives.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
That he/she can accomplish any dream he/she can imagine.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
No matches yet; I can't really speak of our experience yet because we are in the very early stages.

Good luck to you!

[chrisandaaron]

1. What is your family make-up now?
My hubby, myself, 3 dogs, and a bio baby to be (I'm due Nov. 7th).

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
An infant of any race or sex.

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
Ohio for now, may look further if nothing happens after a while.

4. How long have you been waiting?
Since Dec. 2004

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
That we will get overzelous and jump in over our heads (financially mostly).

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
That they will grow up happy and realize how much we love them. As well as understanding the loving decision made by their birthparents.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
Twice. First one fell through the day after birth (5 month match). For the second we got the "mom changed her mind call," as we were on our way to pick up the baby. It hurts when we get our hopes up and it falls through, but the right one will come at the right time. Our agency has been wonderful about working with us even once I found out I was pregnant. They do a great job of explaining to pbmom's that I am expecting, but we are still comitted to adopting.

Good luck everyone!
Chris

[imbeelte]

1. What is your family make-up now?three dogs, two cats, three guinea piggies, two ratties, three bunnies, fishies, and my partner and i

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? boy or girl, ages two to ten, we are waiting for a sibling group of two

3. From where are you planning to adopt? through the foster system of arizona

4. How long have you been waiting?two months

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.that something will go wrong and we wont get any children

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?i just want them to be happy

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? 0

[blessedbybug]

1. What is your family make-up now? My family is me, my DH and our DD Bug, who is almost 19 months. Our process from application to finalization with Bug was almost exactly two years through a private domestic agency here in ALberta. We feel truly blessed to have her in our lives...

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? Any gender, newborn to 6 months (but the age range will widen as DD gets older...we want her to be the oldest by at least one year); multiples or sib groups considered...


3. From where are you planning to adopt? We are approved and waiting since May '05 with a private domestic agency; We are also approved and waiting (since Mar '04, although on hold part of that time) with Children's Services


4. How long have you been waiting? almost four months


5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.

I have less fear than I did the first time. There were so many unknowns then... now I know that the wait can be long but the placement can be fast (but also to be prepared for the vice-versa), that we will most likely never know enough about our child before we are placed (health, background etc) and sometimes we will have to take a leap of faith and go with our gut.

I know that our placement with Bug was "easy" compared to what many go through with failed matches and placements, and will be prepared for that as many of the possibilities as we can.

I guess my biggest fear is that we won't be picked again to parent another child...but then, I suppose if that happens, we could live with it.


6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? I hope that she grows up knowing she is loved by us and her first family, that she will have the foundation of values she needs to live her life with integrity, to make good decisions and to get the most out of her life. I hope she will always know the power of living with hope, even in the hard times.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? We have been matched once (14month wait, shown to 15 expecting mothers/fathers), and are parenting our precious girl. For us, it was a "smooth whirlwind". The time from THE call that an expecting Mom wanted to meet us to Bug coming home was a week to the hour. The time from the actual match to Bug's birth was almost exactly 48 hours. We met Bug's first mother and sisters prior to her birth. We were present in the delivery room, spent the night with our Bug in the hospital and took her home when she was 24 hours old. We made it through the 10day revoc period without any problems and were finalized in 6 months. We know we were one of the "lucky" ones.

We enjoy an open relationship with her first family and have contact on various levels with her first mother, siblings and grandparents. We wouldn't have it any other way.

That's us!!!!

[kat8eyes]

1. What is your family make-up now?

My husband and I have two (bio) kids, 3 1/2 and 2.

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?

I am going to be honest; I am feeling really greedy in saying this, but I want twins!! We're not waiting on that specifically; I don't expect to be that lucky. Either gender, but newborn.

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
Indiana, and we are waiting to adopt a biracial baby.

4. How long have you been waiting?
"Officially" only since mid-July. Feels like much longer.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
That this child will feel out of place in our home, and the financial stretch.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? That along with this babe's future adopted sib(s), he/she WON'T feel out of place and will be self-confident!

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
Nothing yet- I know we've been shown by our agency and I don't begrudge the pbmoms choosing other families, as we are lucky enough to be able to have babies!

[tewalker98]

Hey everybody!

1. What is your family make-up now? DH & Me our 6yr old Aussie and our kitty.

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? We want either gender 0-8

3. From where are you planning to adopt? NC to start...

4. How long have you been waiting? We were approved in Jan 05'

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting. That if we take a legal risk that they will come and take them back...or that maybe I won't be the kind of mother the child needs.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? To have a great life with wonderful happy memories and to aspire to be whatever their heart desires.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? We just got matched 9/6. Met him 9/8 and he is moving in on 9/30! I am in shock. I just keep waiting for someone to call and say no...or that something fell through. I just hope I can be what he needs. I am so excited. We will hop back on the waiting wagon probably soon after he is finalized. I want a baby too someday. My experience so far has been a little sorted. Somethings have been ok...and some have not. We started the process in Jan 04...and we weren't approved until Jan 05...through no fault of our own.

I would love to chat with someone going through this process or that has been through it. I need all the support I can get! :-)

[BuckarooBanzai]

1. What is your family make-up now?
There are 4. Myself, My DW and 2 boys (5yrs and 15mo).
2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
Either, but leaning toward another boy. Looking at up to 4 years of age.
3. From where are you planning to adopt?
US. Focused on AZ, but open to other states.
4. How long have you been waiting?
We extended our certification last month to consider another child.
5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
Don't have any.
6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
To be an independent thinker and not follow the 'brain-washed' masses.
7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
We were only matched twice before. Once for each prior adoption.

[dr.kad]

Enjoyed reading your replies.

1. What is your family make-up now?

Husband, 2 dogs, 2 cats (all adopted animals)

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?

Either, 0-8--or sibling group of 2 same-gender children

3. From where are you planning to adopt?

We're searching in and out of state (foster care adoption)

4. How long have you been waiting?

2 months

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.

Wow! a) That I won't have the smarts to figure out how to navigate the DCS culture. b) That I'm not effectively balancing being assertive with being patient. c) That I'm driving away my CW with my information needs. d) That we'll be lost in the system and won't be selected. e) That our homestudy was poorly written and won't catch a CW's eye (DCS won't let us see our HS--AGH). f) That I won't have the skills to meet the child's unique needs.

As you can tell, I'm not good with uncertainty or when I don't have control

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?

To help him/her grow into a well-adjusted, confident, critical thinking adult...and not to worry as much as mom does

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?

No matches so far...Just a lot of unanswered phone calls. I can't stand the foster care system!!!

Thanks. This was cathartic.

Good luck to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[brian32258]

1. What is your family make-up now? My wonderful wife and 2 biological sons, 21 and 17.

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? A girl, newborn to 3 years of age, race unimportant (we're white--but who cares?).

3. From where are you planning to adopt? The US...

4. How long have you been waiting? 2 months.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting. THE Waiting! But the reward--a beautiful child--is a blessing!

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? That she always knows she's loved.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? 0 times, yet we've gone through an attorney 2X with 30+ other couples and haven't been picked. We are open to children in foster homes--any race.

Have a nice day!
Brian

[rredhead]

1. What is your family make-up now?
DH, Sassy (our 9-year old adopted cat), and me

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
Officially,we will take either a boy or a girl, or twins of any combination. I know we'll want 2 kids eventually. But I do have a soft spot in my hearts for little girls. Luckily, I've been spending more time with my friends' boys to get up to speed on their needs.
Oh, and as many people have said, we're open to a bi- or multi-racial child.

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
US. Our agency is here in CA, and most b.moms come from CA or AZ.

4. How long have you been waiting?
Technically, we haven't been. Timetable goes like this:
April: Chose agency
May: Signed with agency
June: Began homestudy
August: Finished agency paperwork, and were put online
September: Finished homestudy paperwork
October: Continued homestudy interviews (last one on 10/17)

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting?
I hate to be predictable, but it really is that the birthmom won't want to go through with the adoption plan.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
That he or she comes out better than I did, and as a real, good person.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
We almost matched in September. However, the mom was due immediately, and our homestudy paperwork wasn't in. That upset me, because I had really pushed to get the homestudy done on time, but our friends' character references didn't come in when I asked for them.
We almost matched again the last week of September. By this time, our homestudy paperwork was in, so we arranged to expedite our homestudy. The mom was supposed to go into labor in late October, but the baby was born on 9/30. We weren't allowed to be considered.
We came close again last week, but the birth mom chose another couple.

So far, it's like the worst, most sickening roller coaster ever.

[MkMw]

1. What is your family make-up now? Me, dh, twin boys (age 3, adopted at birth) 2 cats, 1 dog

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? Either, butI admite it would be fun to buy pink frilly stuff. Newborn to 18 months younger than the boys, twins again would be cool too, but not holding my breath! We've looked at older child adoption but the ages we were looking at - under 10 - all seem to need to be "onlies" or the youngest. It isn't the right time of our life (or our kids' lives) to adopt a teen.

3. From where are you planning to adopt? Definately U.S.

4. How long have you been waiting? 1 year.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting. That our relationship with our next child(ren)'s BirthFamily will not be as good as the one we have with the boys' BirthFamily

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? That they grow up to be healthy, stable adults who are comfortable in their own skin and able to meet all of life's challenges with grace and dignity.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? First time, we only matched once. The boys came home 10 months after we started the process. This time we've been in the top 3 and 5 a few times, but not the right family. It's been different this time around in many ways, but that would take too long to get into!

[missyB77]

1. What is your family make-up now? Dh, I and DD

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
Either but I would love another girl...although dh might like a son.

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
Right here in the US..unless I can convince hubby to go to China.

4. How long have you been waiting?
Not in the ranks yet but hopefully will be in the next year.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
Getting scammed and losing all our money

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
For God to bless him/her just as we have been

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
First time, three times and then dd came home with us. We're hoping that next time will be veterans and know more of what to look for.

[akcskye]

1. What is your family make-up now? My husband, 8 cats, 1 dog, 4 parakeets.

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age? Prefer boys, ages infant to 10 (preferably 6 to 8). Sibling group of 2 to 4, preferably 3 or 4.

3. From where are you planning to adopt? Foster system in Oklahoma or Kansas.

4. How long have you been waiting? Homestudy is tomorrow.

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting? Becoming a first time mother.

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one? That they will be blessed to feel like I felt in my family when I was little. So much love and care.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far? Not matched yet.

[itsgreat2adopt]

1. What is your family make-up now?
Husband Tyler, Wife Miranda and Lynden (Adopted at birth) 2yrs and 2 dogs

2. Are you waiting for a boy or girl and what age?
Newborn, I would love a Girl but and healthy child is the main thing

3. From where are you planning to adopt?
Independant Adoption Center

4. How long have you been waiting?
Justed Started 3weeks ago

5. What is your biggest fear about adopting.
Not to much we had it really tough the 1st time

6. What is your greatest hope for your future little one?
to grow up happy with his and or hers life. do everything they want to do, go to collage and have a great career and have a happy healthy family.

7. How many times have you been matched? What has been your experience been like so far?
Talked to many birthmoms but we only matched with one last time, hopefuly we have a great experience this time can't wait to see.