[catinhat]

Hello, All,

This is my first time posting here. I hope I do it right

We started attending foster-adopt classes back in July, but we were offered a child through private adoption in the mean time. We hired a lawyer right away, I flew out to meet the birth mom and her family in person (she and I have talked online for about 5 years...before I ever knew we'd be adopting, before she ever knew she'd be in this situation). It looks like things are going to work out just fine.

We've provided mom with some financial support, but mostly she just wants parents for the baby. The biological father was contacted about the situation - he is not willing to sign away his rights, so we're doing the petition for publication, since he's also not willing to provide any sort of support to the child.

I'm just wondering if anyone here is familiar with this process - petition for publication. Our understanding is that a legal notice is placed in the newspaper for 30 days..and he has that 30 days to respond..to 'do something', and that if he doesn't then the state where the mother resides will terminate his rights. Then, after the baby is born...mom will relinquish her rights. In her state, there is a 10 day wait, then we'll appear before the judge and the adoption will be finalized.

We've had our homestudy, all the background checks and everything - we are ready on our end, I talk to the birth mom pretty much every day...things look good. I'd just like to know more about the newspaper thing. Our lawyer recently had surgery and she's a bit behind...though I'll ask her for more detail as well.

Thanks,
-Catinhat

[tobeafamily]

Catinhat,

Unfortunately, publication and termination of 'any unknown birthfather' proceedings are not going to be sufficient for your case. That applies only where the biological father is unknown/not identified. In your case, the child's birthfather is identified, aware of the pregnancy and contests.

Once the child is born, he can go to court and assert his parental rights. If he is not married to the biological mother, he is considered a putative father. His rights do vary depending on what state the child is born in.

Generally, when a putative father contests and asserts his parental rights, the biological mother, court, or paparents can first challenge his paternity. A DNA test will be done. If the results prove that he is the biological father, then the case proceeds as a custody dispute.

Understand there is no guarantee that this man's parental rights will be terminated. These situations are called 'at risk' placements for a reason - there is a definite risk that the placement will not be permitted by the courts and the child be placed with their biological parents.

If you choose to go forward, you might consider placing the child in temporary private foster care until the dispute is resolved.

HTH best of luck.

Regina

[Poolside]

I was thinking the same thing Regina said. Publication is typically when there is NOT a known father. Your situation will me much more tricky than that.

There are folks out here that know laws by state on what happens next.

If he is a capable and willing to parent individual, I suspect it will be very difficult if not impossible to have his rights terminated. Hopefully the baby's mom can determine his motive for not signing and give more direction.

Best of luck to you,

[Casey677]

It really depends on the state. DD's bfather was also unwilling to sign, but in the end did nothing to contest either.

In our case, we had a known bfather, but no known location. We put out a 30 day ad in an attempt to find him. We did find his location eventually through a different means. He was served papers, but never responded one way or another. A judge terminated his rights on Wednesday! She was almost 3 months, it should have only taken 30 days total, but it took us longer since we placed both the ad and served him papers. Oh- bfamily is in IN and we are in FL. We used FL laws.

Casey

[catinhat]

OK, here are some details:

Birthmom is in GA. Birthdad is in FL. There is a 10 1/2 month old girl that is their child...birthmom got pregnant again by him, but by then the relationship was ending. He has not provided anything for the first child except 2 pr. shoes and a couple outfits, does not parent her at all, provides no financial support - nothing.

They were never married.

I had questioned the attorney about all this - putative father, that the publication doesn't work when you 'know' the father (even I have his address - it's no big secret), and I kept asking her if we needed an interstate compact, based on things I was reading. She kept saying we didn't need an interstate compact (we are in CO), she said that because we were coming to GA to finalize the adoption, we didn't need it.

Actually, I think our attorney is in the midst of a mental breakdown. Seriously. She got sick, quit returning our calls, then when hubby happened to get her on the phone the other day, she yelled at him - told him to shut up (!!!) and has been calling the birth mom and yelling at her (yet she refuses to return our calls). I have started shopping for another attorney and will be terminating our 'relationship' with her.

What we are expecting is what Casey has posted - he won't sign, but he won't contest either. That is his 'style'. As far as we know, he has 4, possibly 5 children, none of which he parents or is involved with. He doesn't mind if the moms struggle and raise them on their own - just doesn't want to sign anything. He isn't exactly an upstanding citizen, but he is the baby's biological father, so we will just have to deal with things, I suppose.

Thanks so much for the replies. I feel even better about our decision (just today) to find a different attorney.

-Catinhat

[MkMw]

I *think* (I am in no way a legal expert) that if they know who and where he is they, they have to serve him directly. And, if they know who but have no address they can publish in a paper at his last known address. I know that when I divorced my first husband that was the process.

As far as the foster care, that is a very personal decision. There are certainly some emotional risks involved, but speaking as someone who adopted with a legal risk, I am so glad I took the risk. It also gave me a huge amount of empathy for Birth and foster/adopt parents. It would have broken my heart if things had worked out differently.

(In our case BMom had 60 days after signing, she signed when they were 2 weeks old, THEN they started the process to terminate BFather's rights, because it was international they wanted to make that he had every opportunity to exercise his rights (rightly so) - it just took another 2 MONTHS to get him in front of the judge - so the boys were in legal limbo, and I think that was the hardest for me.)

I hope things work out, definately talk to an attorney who specializes in adoption, and has experience with absentee BirthFathers.

Good luck!

[catinhat]

Well, we are already licensed foster care parents in our state, so that is a risk we have already been thinking and talking about.

I'm so frustrated right now. Mostly, because the attorney just quit talking to us about what was/is going on. She had told me in person she was doing the petition for publication. Then she didn't do it...I couldn't find the ads in the paper, so I called to find out what was going on, but she didn't return my calls (since the end of August). I know she had gotten sick, but the anger she has displayed toward us as well as the birthmom (birthdad too, from what I'm hearing) is just inappropriate.

Maybe she didn't do it because it wasn't the right thing to do in this case. OK. So why did she talk about it in the first place? I guess I'll never know, since she isn't talking to us.

So now, as far as attorneys are concerned, I guess we are starting over. It's hard because we need an attorney in GA, but we live in CO - so it's hard to really know what we're getting (as evidenced by this fiasco - this person came highly recommended!)

Thanks to everyone for the information and support. I'm doing my best to keep myself together through this, be strong and all. I guess I'm doing pretty good. I have a baby shower to attend today (for us), and I'm just hoping I don't cry through the whole thing!

-Catinhat

[Casey677]

I think you need a new lawyer. My atty underwent surgery for breast cancer twice in the past year that we have been working with her... the last time right in the middle of our adoption. If I needed ANYTHING, she was available to me. You not only need an atty who is there to answer your questions, but you REALLY need one who will not call and yell at your pbmom.... that is an unneeded headache. If you were under the stress and heartache of making an adoption plan, would you want someone calling and yelling at you? I wouldn't.

I am not an expert, but I think you may still need ICPC, since as far as I know, ICPC is all about taking a child over state lines, which you will be doing.

I would reconsider finalizing in GA. Finding a good atty in your area who can then recommend an atty in GA that they have worked with before and liked is what I would suggest doing. That is what we did and it worked out well.

It cost us less to hire an atty in IN for dd's bmom than it would have cost us in airline tickets and hotel stay for a return trip.

I hope things start to go better!!!

Casey

[tobeafamily]

I agree with Casey, you need a better attorney. And yes, you need representation in BOTH Georgia and Colorado.

Check the member listing for the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys at www.adoptionattorneys.com. Call several members and ask for their experience with situations like yours, fees, etc.

Unless you can finalize at placement, which you cannot in GA, you absolutely must go through ICPC. This is regardless of which state you plan to finalize in. We were VA residents, son born in TX (one of the few states that allows non-residents to finalize in their state). We decided to finalize in TX. We STILL had to go through ICPC so that both VA and TX knew where our son was, that we would have post-placement supervision, etc.

As far as GA, I don't think they allow non-residents to finalize in their state as most states require that you be a legal resident before you can finalize there.

And yes, they have to at least notify, and he can then either choose to terminate, contest, or disappear. If he does not appear or respond to notice, they can then involuntarily terminate his rights. This is not automatic and they must notify at his last known address. Publication alone where biological father is known does not suffice.

HTH, best of luck.

Regina

[blessedbybug]

As others have stated, you need to find an attorney who can help you answer these questions for YOUR situation. It is complicated. I am no help as we are in another country with some different rules.

Best of everything for you, this expecting mom and the baby to come...

[catinhat]

Thank you all SO much! I'm going to be making more calls tomorrow, trying to find an attorney here, there, somewhere! I'll keep y'all posted!


-Catinhat