[lgswims]

Hi everyone. I've only just started thinking about adoption and after reading only a few posts here and there and researching less than a few hours on-line on various sites, I'm completely mindboggled. It all seems WAY too complicated, and WAY too risky (emotionally for the adoptive parents, I mean.) I am 41 and my husband is 56. Maybe that alone rules us out. We have never done all the fertility stuff 'cause we just hoped it would just happen when it was supposed to. It didn't. I didn't really "panic" until I turned 40. I wasn't even 100% sure I wanted children, so didn't think we should try anything "drastic". Sometimes I've thought maybe it just wasn't meant to be and tried to accept that. EVERYWHERE I GO, I see pregnant women, children, and more pregnant women and children. I feel defeated before even attemting to start this process. Now I'm so sure I want children in our lives, and feel like it's useless to try.

Anyone ever seen the movie Coming Home ? I think it's Anne Bancroft ?? She plays the grandmother to 4 children displaced and searching for someone in their family to care for them. At first she is very hostile, but as the movie unfolds, it's absolutely beautiful. And the children are absolutely beautiful. At the end the smallest boy says "You like us, don't you?" and she replies, "never said I didn't." Just writing this makes me cry. I day dream all the time about those 4 kids showing up at my door and needing a family to care for them.

Is it really hopeless? Is it possible to have instant family like that? I'd love to have 2-4 children, siblings or unrelated, ages infant to 12. I'm not sure I can handle the whole open adoption process. And I'm also afraid to take on serious emotional problem children, such as those from an abusive household. I'm afraid of the whole process, but don't know what else there is to do.

I've received info. from several organizations, and only read a little of it. It's depressing to think that it could still take years. Do I look like a candidate for private adoption through an attorney ? I got something from Adoption Network Law Center. Anyone used them ? How much research should I do. I just want to get on "the list" of people waiting for children in their lives. Thanks for any help or advices.

[ndoscoptec]

I'm 40 and my husband is 45. We just finalized our second adoption. We have 2 boys from Korea. I remeber feeling the same way you do. That all the information is so confusing. I found it helpful to norrow things down to what programs you qualify for. The age situation will be limiting but not impossible. Once you have a few clear choices the right thing may just kind of unfold for you. Keep reading these boards, there is a wealth of information here and many people to help you along your path to adoption.

You mentioned you were considering a sibling group. Have you spoken to social services in NH. You may even want to try some neighboring states where there are more children seeking homes. (like Mass) I like to look at it this way. The kids that were meant to be yours are out there.....you just need to find eachother!
MLH