[winc_mama]

I'm mom to a 3.5-year old (bio) daughter, and am currently in the waiting process for adoption (domestic thru private agency, homestudy approved 3 weeks go).

DH and I haven't discussed adoption with DD, but we talk about babies in general, about having a baby brother or sister someday, etc. She also knows that she grew in Mommy's tummy (she's seen pregnancy pics), then was born- luckily she hasn't asked how she got in there or how she came out, which is fine by me right now! LOL

Although we haven't discussed adoption with DD, I think she's caught enough snippets of our conversations, because she told me this weekend that she knew I had a baby in my tummy. I think she's heard baby talk and figured she came from Mommy's tummy, therefore the same thing must hold true now... I explained her (in Wal-mart, no less LOL) that Mommy didn't have a baby in her tummy but maybe someday a very nice lady will and that baby would be her little brother or sister. She was okay with that but now I'm wondering if I handled it okay???

Anyone else been in a similar situation? What's a good way to explain adoption in a way a toddler can comprehend? Obviously we're still early (relatively speaking) in our waiting time, so I don't want to explain adoption to her too early then not have a baby come home for another year. Then again, should miracles happen and we have a baby right away I don't want to catch her unaware, kwim?

TIA for any input!

Amanda

[jheald]

Amanda,

We had this same thing come up at our house with our 3 1/2 year old bio daughter a couple months ago. Unlike you we do have an adopted son (he's 1 now) and she thinks everyone gets on a plane and goes to Texas when their baby is due. It was pretty funny the way we found that theory out. Anyway, we handled the information the same way you did. Just getting the idea of another lady having the baby in her tummy into her head and letting her ask questions as she needed to. We also have told her that this lady wanted us to raise her baby. She hasn't asked the "why's" about that so far. For now she's content with what she knows. We've also enlisted the help of a friend of ours who is expecting a baby around Thanksgiving to allow dd to get close and personal with the pg. We're hoping she can actually see the baby move one of these days. And with any luck our friend will either be late or early with delivery so we don't miss the chance to have our daughter go to the hospital to see the baby and the flatter tummy. LOL

Janet

[Heather Jeane]

We have two biological children and with them came two complicated and scary pregnancies. My now eight year old daughter has been asking for years when she would have another brother or sister and I kept telling her that my body was not strong enough to carry another baby. I've told her that if God wanted another baby to be in our family, then that baby would grow in another mommy's tummy, and then become part of our family after he or she was born.

Because I have four adopted cousins, I discussed adoption with both my children as another natural way to become a family since they were tiny and it has never seemed that foreign of a concept to them, although I had to assure them that I was not going to put them up for adoption on a whim! That was something very important to cover with them when they started putting the ideas together. I think they have a fairly good understanding of what circumstances would lead to a child being adopted by another family now.

With all this in place, I had never got very serious about adoption until a little over a month ago when we were approached to consider adopting my cousin's due-in-December baby. Wow, what a whirlwind. I think in all this, our kids are the ones taking it most in stride. They have looked at pictures of Aunt S and seen their potential brother's biological brother. We've talked about how "ziggy" is growing in her tummy and pray for her and the baby frequently. They seem to be better able to put the family together in their minds at this point than my husband and I.

[winc_mama]

Thanks to you both for your replies! I feel better knowing what little info I've explained to her won't result in me traumatizing her, lol.

I think for now we'll leave things where they are at, unless she begins to ask more questions or until we are matched.

[sherryk]

How about reading your child a book about adoption?! My daughter and I wrote and illustrated a book entitled, "My Special Someone" about the adoption of my youngest. It is great for children of all ages (even grown-ups too!) You can find it at www.adoptionshop.com!
Blessings,
sherryk

[Tudu]

My daughter is 4 yrs old and was placed in our care at 3 weeks. She has always known that she was adopted. We are in the process of a large sibling adoption and have been talking about their arrival. The other day I heard her telling a neighbor boy about her new siblings and he asked her "What's adoption?" She replied, "That's where my Mom has to get kids from b/c she's broken." He told her his mommy got him from her tummy and she laughed "Yeah silly, that's where my Udder Mudder got me from and then my Mom got me from adoption."
While we may screw her up in other ways, yet to be determined by her, I don't think talking about an upcoming adoption will require too many sessions of therapy.
RAchel