[Krismis98]

My husband and I just finished our homestudy and are waiting for our official approval letter. I do have a concern. We are working with a private agency and it seems like most of the other waiting adoptive moms don't work. I work full-time and my husband has a flexible schedule, but also works full-time. It just isn't feasible for one of us to not work. Will the fact that I work hurt us as birth moms look through the profile books? Does anyone have any insights?

[HappyTwinsMom]

You know, every potential birthmom has different criteria for the parents she wants for her child. My husband and I were both working when we were in the "waiting stage" and it didn't seem to matter one way or the other. Our daughters' birthmom said one of the reasons she chose our profile was because I looked so happy in all the pictures.

I do understand your concern...especially when it seems like everyone else is doing something different that you are...but try not to be too anxious. I'm sure you'll be great parents whether you work full-time or not!

[DebCsMom]

It's true that every PBMom has didn't ideas on the right family.

If your husband has flexible hours, is he able to work opposite hours as you? Or possibly overlap only a couple hours where the baby will be in day care?

Deb

[MkMw]

I was very vague in my childcare plans when we were adopting the first time, and up front when I talked to women considering us as a family. Because, honestly, I didn't know what was going to be best for all of us.

As it turned out - I went back to work (when they were 15 months old), then quit (about 6 months ago), to be with the boys, nothing to do with adoption.

AND, we've been waiting LONGER with me as a SAHM than we did with me thinking I wanted/had to go back to work. When its right, it will be right.

You have to do what feels right for the child, you, and your family!

[tobeafamily]

Not at all.

Consider that many expectant parents making an adoption plan are themselves working, and that many have been raised by parents who both worked. Or the opposite. That may be important to them - that both parents work. They may themselves reject the idea of the 'traditional' single income SAHM family as not what they want for their child.

For us, we were both working, with the plan that DH would be a SAHD when he retired from the military - 1 year after Ryan came. As the day he retired got closer though, he got more and more uncomfortable with the plan. He'd never not worked, and was worried that he'd send our son the wrong 'message' about working.

So he decided to get a job. We were really worried about how Ryans' bfamily would react when we told them our plans had changed. They just laughed and said "we never really did believe he could stay home. It's just not in him. You're working people, just like us."

Understand this: For every aspect of your situation, I promise there is someone out there looking for someone 'just like you' to parent their child. There is no one 'ideal' universal adoptive parent.

Hang in there.

Regina

[srusse24]

This is something I have worried about as well. It is not feasible for either of us to stay home, seeing the kind of life we want to provide our child with.

I would let the pbmother know that you want to provide a certain life for the child and to do this, you both must work.

[LisaCA]

hi,

we adopted dd last july and were matched just before her birth. I think her bmom liked the fact that we were both working, though I've since stopped working and i'm now a stay at home mom. My profile mentioned nothing about quitting work, just that I intended to take a few weeks off. Turns out I had 6 weeks straight with dd, then went to work full time.

for bmom (and i'm just guessing here) the fact that her mom and dad both worked full time and were good parents (to four kids) meant she didn't see my working as a problem.

there will be bparents who will prefer working aparents, those that want a single parent working and the other staying home, etc. hard to predict, but there will be a match for you.