[SuzanneS]

Once you have completed all your paperwork for a domestic adoption through a private agency, how long does it really take to receive a referral for a healthy infant? I have read what the agencies post on their websites, but I am curious as to what to really expect.....

We have just ended our IF journey of 3 1/2 years, and are anxious to get on with it!!!

Thanks for all your responses in advance, I am just trying to get a good idea of what we are looking at here.

Suzanne

[mj77]

Like with most all adoptions, it varies greatly. I have heard of children being placed in a month to some waiting 14 years and having had gone through failed adoptions.

We went adopted through our state hoping it would be faster (and was free). I asked the same question and was frustrated not to get an answer, but I know understand how each situation is so unique.

Also, just like with giving birth to your children, you hope and pray the baby is healthy, but how do you really know before the baby is born? You can only assume so much. Not trying to worry you, I just want you to keep in perspective that everyone wants their children to be healthy but when a child is not "perfect" it's not so bad either.

Blessings to you,
MJ

[Hopefull]

Suzanne I wish I had a solid answer for you. We decided on domestic open adoption. We got our first call after 6 months of waiting. We were matched with A for 6 weeks and then she decided to parent. Then 3 weeks later we matched with T for 2 weeks and she decided to parent. Then about 6 or 8 weeks later we were picked by V for a last minute placement and were thrown right into the wonderful world of parenting. All together it took 20 months. 10 months to get all of the paperwork and background stuff done and 10 months on the "list". Every situation is different. Try to keep busy during your wait, that is the hardest part of adopting. But when you see your child's face, it will seem like a distant memory. Good luck on your adoption journey. Rene

[DebCsMom]

All adoptions are different, every agency is different. Birth Moms usually chose the parents now & not the agency. It all depends on too many factors.

As one poster mentioned, who can know for sure you will have a "healthy" baby. We have 2 bio children. I never drank, smoked, ate perfectly, gained weight perfectly, etc. Our dd is fine, our ds has Epilepsy, ADD &
learning disabilities. Our adopted dd has Early Onset Bipolar. Which we just had diagnosed recently. There is no "diagnosed" Bipolar in her BFamily. Our 2 year old ds was exposed to cocaine in utero. He is so smart it's scarey! LOL NO effects what so ever!

Now we also have 3 adopted children. After all our paperwork was done & we began our wait, all of them were less than 2 months. Our first adoption we had to hurry our homestudy along because we matched before it was done & BMom was due in a couple weeks. Our second adoption we turned our paperwork in end of June, she was born July 18. With our third adoption we told the referral service that we didn't want to be matched unless BMom was due end of September & beyond. Turned our paperowrk in end of June. Got the call on August 8, BMom chose us Aug 25th & our son was born September 14.

We adopted 3 children in 4 years. It all depends on what the BMom is looking for in a family, your agency policies, how many other families are waiting for the smae type of child you are, etc.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Deb

[SuzanneS]

Wow! Your adoptions really moved quickly. I always heard that it took a long time to place infants domestically. I am finding out that isn't always the case.

With birthmoms picking the parents, I wonder how they choose. I feel like we are a good catch, but you never know. We are both 33, married 10 years(and still madly in love), Christian, nonsmokers, financially secure, educated, wide circle of close friends, and live in a very kid friendly neighborhood. We suffer from IF, so the likelyhood of having more children is solely dependant on adoption.

There is one thing that I am concerned about, perhaps you can shed some light as to whether this might be an issue. My MIL is older (75) and lives with us because of health reasons. She is able to take care of her personal needs, but is unable to maintain a house, cook meals, drive, etc, so she lives with us. I am afraid that a birthmom would think that I have too much to take care of when really it is not that big of a deal, at least not right now (and she has been with us for 7 years).

Also, both of our fathers are deceased, so our children will only have grandmothers. I am an only child, so no cousins on my side, and my husband's 2 brothers are in their mid 50s, do not live close by, and we are not close to them and their families. Will that be an issue?

I really feel like we have a lot to offer a child (most importantly the love we have to share) but I worry that we will be passed over based on some of these factors. What advice does anyone have?

[cathy102]

Suzanne... I wouldn't worry too much about your situation. There will be a family out there that will like your family for who you are..

After years of IVF, we got matched with our first adoption in 9 1/2 months and our daughter was born 6 weeks later on my hubs birthday, which is next Saturday.

We were matched with our son's birthmom in 1 month and he was born 7 weeks later...

It may take longer if you picked the sex of the baby or if you are only wanted a CC baby. I would be open to either sex, JMO, and be open to any race of a child. My daughter is Multi-Racial.. CC/AA/Hispanic/American Indian.

My son was supposed to be Bi-racial and was born full CC with blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes...

Best of luck with getting matched soon.

[aspenhall]

Everyone has different opinions and dislikes bparents included.....for as many who see these as negatives, twice that many may not care or may even prefer it that way! It'ss in the eye of the beholder. An average wait time in our agency was roughly 18 months.....it was almost exactly that long of a wait. Tell everyone you know about your desire to adopt, they will tell others and you may find a situation that way quicker.

[DebCsMom]

The other posters are right...it just all depends on what the BMom sees & wants. We have a large family. At the time of our last adoption we had 4 children, an exchange student & a girl we had guardianship of. I thought it would take us FOREVER! Our son's BMom looked at that as "experience". A couple BMoms did look at us & thought we were too big.

So I really wouldn't worry about your family style. It's all in Gods hands & the BMom who he guides to you.

I agree with Cathy too. If you are open to the sex it is MUCH easier. If you are open to race, even easier!! Take a look also at the types of situations you will & won't accept. Like for instance maybe you won't accept a BMom who uses drugs or alcohol. Before you really say no, research! Once you research things, you just may change you mind. We were set against some things & others we said we would go on a case by case situation. When we were presented with a situation that involved something we were questionable about, we research it before agreeing. That will open more doors for you as well.

But you can only be accept what you are comfortable with.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Deb

[LisaCA]

hi,

before you check the box "open to any race", please do some research and reflection about what that would mean to your family and to your child. this isn't to discourage you, just to make sure you make an informed decision. One excellent book is "inside Transracial adoption" by G. steinberg and b. hall. they have some things to think about listed there.

as AA paparents requesting an AA child, our wait was quite short and we were presented with a number of situations. from the end of our homestudy to dd's arrival, our wait was less than 5 weeks.

[my_igit]

Just like what everyone above has said- every situation and person is different. We were matched in 4 months and our CC baby girl was born 5 weeks later. W brought her home from the hospital when she was 2 days old. We advertised in newspapers, wrote letters to everyone we knew and ended up being matched through our attorney. I think you will find very different timelines, hence the reason noone will give you an absolute timeline. Good Luck!!

[SuzanneS]

Thanks so much to everyone. I guess what I was wanting to hear is that the timelines the agencies are reporting are what actually happens. Some are quick, some not so quick, but the likelihood of waiting 3-5 years just doesn't happen that much anymore.

Dh and I haven't really decided about our preferences as far as race. We live in the South, and the unfortunate reality is that there is still prejudice here. While we have a large circle of friends with a mixture of different races, I have to consider what would be best for the child. Thank goodness the world isn't like it used to be. I am grateful that there is a decision to make, rather than it automatically not being an option.

I do know that sex isn't important, and we really don't have a preference about physical attributes. I don't know what other stuff we are open to yet as I am not sure what kinds of situations are out there. This truly is an education!

I thank everyone for their replies, and if anyone has any advice for me, I am open to it. Please SHARE SHARE SHARE. I feel starved for information about the whole process.

Suzanne

[irish11970]

Suzanne,
I agree with Aspenhall. Let people know you are trying to adopt. I worked with a lot of teens in my job. My managers knew my Dh and were goping through the adoption process. One of my teenage employees was pregnant and working with a different agency than we were. When she found out we were adopting, she left that agency and chose us. I was afraid at first because of a possible conflict of interest, but it has been great. I am now a stay at home mom and we are in a VERY open adoption. As a birth mom in a closed adoption, and not knowing where my daughter is, the open adoption was the only choice for us. We all get along great, and our family is finally complete thanks to a very courageous and wonderful 15 year old girl with the wisdom beyond my DH and myself sometimes.
Sorry so long... LOL Really just wanted to say, network. I wish you the best of luck on your wonderful journey!
Many Blessings,
Jenn

[sneezyone]

The wait is so variable. I went into adoption thinking there was a situation out there that was just right for us, we just needed to be patient and open to all the situations that were shared with us. As an aa couple seeking an aa child, we too were also presented with multiple situations in a short period of time and we matched in a little over two weeks; dd was born four days later.

[tobeafamily]

Suzanne,

I firmly believe it's possible to adopt a newborn of any ethnic heritage within one year. That's based not only on our experience, it's also on the experience of many other families we've watched and helped through the adoption process.

I have found that doing your own personal networking helps with stress management and may also help you make a connection faster.

Another factor is your flexibility in placement. The more specific your requests are in a potential placement, the longer it will take. So, if you're only willing to connect in a closed situation of a newborn baby girl of English, German or Irish ethnicity, whose parents both have blonde hair and blue or hazel eyes, you're probably going to have a longer wait than if you are interested in more openness, no sex preference, and no specific ethnicity or appearance preferences. Make sense?

If you haven't yet, here's some good reading:

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina
Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year by Randall Hicks
Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber

Also, keep in mind for every couple there is someone out there looking for just your lifestyle, values, family makeup. Some will love that you care for your MIL, they may themselves have been raised in a home with their grandparent(s) and want that for their child.

HTH, hang in there. BTW we connected with our son's bfamily 4 months after we finished our homestudy, he was born 7 months later - an unusually long "connect to placement" time. He's now 3 1/2.

Regina