[Hoping4child]

I breathe a sigh of despair at the latest, horrendous chapter in this long, disappointing experience with US adoption.

After waiting for 1.5 years for adoption my husband and I had found a birthmother in AZ. We are in another state on the east coast. My agency suggested I go out and be with her at birth. Well I was about 2 weeks before and met her...she was on drugs and in crisis, and perpetually lieing to everyone. Probably a familiar story to many.

But, the birthmother, when it came down to it, was a good person though deep down and managed to see that she had too much on her plate. She finally agreed to an adoption by my husband and me.

The new addition to our family was greeted by a brother (5 years old) and extended family. The baby is wonderful/ beautiful. All is well ...8 months later with her. She was placed with us since birth. In the interim we have spent nearly $40,000 to two agencies, 3 lawyers, and support for birthmother.

We were ready to go to preliminary hearing when the father had announced he is contesting the adoption. He is someone who I have heard things about, but do not know if they are true----(5 children ---all in CPS, all different mothers?)

We have learned that he never intended for an adoption to take place. I don't know what he really wants. We don't know if he really wants this child in his life or what?

Please someone we need moral support. we can not believe this is happening. Even if it is blunt and real/reality check we want some reaction to this event from someone.

[mcnh63]

So sorry to hear this. How heartbreaking. I don't ave any words of advice but I'm sure some will be along with some.
Hold on to some faith. Good luck !!!!!!!

[melren7]

I am so sorry to hear about that. YOu know what, though, there is no way the court should give that man rights to the child. Won't he have to go through a process to prove that he will be a qualified father? Last I heard the court really tries to find out if the father can have another child and care for it. They check his living status, he has to have a pyschological background check, etc...My adoption agency told me that most fathers that contest an adoption don't even make it halfway through that process before they give up. Of course, I live North Carolina....so, I don't know if it's the same where you are. I am so sorry to hear about this, but you have to keep faith. IF you are meant to adopt this child, you will adopt this child.

"For he works for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose" Romans8:12

melren

[BrandyHagz]

Well I was about 2 weeks before and met her...she was on drugs and in crisis, and perpetually lieing to everyone. Probably a familiar story to many.

No, many do not know what that's like at all, that it's a negative stereotype that you have come across and it is not the norm at all!

I truly hope that whatever is supposed to happen with this little one, happens…there is always a plan.

[Hoping4child]

Thank you. I will be praying.

[Hoping4child]

God bless you. Thanks for your uplifting words.

[Hoping4child]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

No, many do not know what that's like at all, that it's a negative stereotype that you have come across and it is not the norm at all!

I truly hope that whatever is supposed to happen with this little one, happens…there is always a plan.

The agencies I deal with say that that is the norm for almost 40-50% of birthmothers.

[BrandyHagz]

Wow, 40-50%? I wonder where they are getting their numbers, since there isn't ONE major study that supports that...

[Hoping4child]

I would never again recommend U.S. Adoption (not-foster care)...even if this worked out.

I think recent shows on documentary news shows like 60 minutes (don't remember exact show), etc. have to happen more often before things can change for the better.

[Hoping4child]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Wow, 40-50%? I wonder where they are getting their numbers, since there isn't ONE major study that supports that...

Probably they get it from the year to year experience in the circles they work.

[BrandyHagz]

I'd have to question the agencies, rather than the US adoption system...based on what you've posted here...they sound shady at best...40-50% might be accurate for them...if they place two or three infants a year...

[cathy102]

Was this guy ever informed that he was a father??? Did the birthmom say your child's father was unknown?

[Hoping4child]

Personally--myself. I have heard about 4 cases of adoption in the last 3 years ...3 out of the 4 involved the birthmother in crisis on some substance or alcohol.

[BrandyHagz]

I'm sorry, but three of four cases in the last three years out of THOUSANDS of adoptions DOES NOT equal 40-50%....

I am profoundly offended, not by you...but by your agency spewing this BS to adoptive parents...no freakin wonder people run for the hills when talking about adopting...sheesh.

[sneezyone]

Saying 40-50% of bmom's are impaired by drugs or alcohol based on no reliable, empirical data is perpetuating a vicious rumor, not a point of fact. So now 40-50% of adoptees can be tarred with the you-come-from-a-bad-person-brush...blech!

I'm sorry you're experiencing this difficulty. It must be very painful. I can't help but think that perhaps your 3 attorneys and/or the agency failed to do the legwork needed to identify and notify the bfather of the adoption, tho. Does your state not have a putative father registry?