[daves_girl]

We were recently told of a married couple with 4 children who wanted to put baby #5 up for adoption. They are having financial problems and the father has an open DCFS case against him. We are not sure the exact reasons (other then the ones listed above) they are giving up the child. I talked to the birth mom for a couple of minutes as they were in our lawyers office just starting the adoption process. We have just gone through a very rough failed adoption and want to be very sure about the next match. I was just curious if anyone has been matched with a married couple with children...and how did it work out? Did the couple follow through or did they end up changing their mind at the end? Your stories would be greatly appreciated in helping us make a decision about moving on with this couple. Thank you!!

[aj2002]

Am a married b-mom. I just wanted to let you know that as rare as it is, it does happen. Adoption was the best option for us... plain and simple.
Amy

[daves_girl]

Thanks for sharing Amy!!

[Willowgirl]

Hi there, just wanted to let you know that our first son came from a married couple with two other children. The adoption went smoothly and 13 years later is still doing so. It happens a great deal more than you would think. Good luck.

[leaabc123]

They could be concerned that the baby might be removed from their custody at birth if DCFS is involved. So, they might rather place voluntarily than allow the state to take the baby.

[Nikole]

We adopted from a married couple with no children. The process had its pros and cons, just as all of the different situations do. Our sons birth parents were solid in their decision, and are looking forward to the time when they can have a family of their own. Now just wasnt the time for them.
We had a harder time with "outsiders" asking very rough questions about why a married couple would want to "give up" a child for adoption. "What, did she have an affair?" "Why cant they keep IT?" etc. It seemed hard for others to understand.
We thought it was a good situation that our birth mother (and now friend, btw) had someone she could count on and lean on when she felt doubt. Her husband was away at sea at the time, but he was supportive of their decision the entire time.
Anyone can change their mind at any time. If it happens that way- it was supposed to.
I felt more comfortable knowing she had someone to count on.
Every situation is different, and we all encounter what and when we are supposed to, I believe, anyway.
Embrace your situation as yours, not as a norm or as someone elses story.
All my best vibes to you!

[daves_girl]

Thanks Nikole. This Mom will have my full support, but also a social worker/mentor there for her in her own town. This lady will take her to lunch and just be there if she needs anything...as well as our wonderful lawyer being there for her as well. The family only lives a couple of miles from our lawyer. The more support she has the better!

[mroot]

Dave's Girl - I have a friend who adopted identical twin girls at birth from a married couple. The bmom had two children from a previous relationship and bdad had no other bio kids. They worried a bit about him, but everything went perfectly and the girls are four now!! Good luck!!

[spaypets]

It's second hand, but friends of my brother adopted a little girl from a married couple that already had several children. A few years later they got a call--the wife was pregnant again and would they adopt this next baby? So now they're raising a boy and a girl from the same bparents.

(BTW, I'm a total stranger and I know all this history about them -- this is exactly why people should stay quiet about their kids' personal histories, because the stories get repeated).

I know another woman, who, sadly, was raped by a man who was not the same race as her husband and a pregnancy resulted (I mention race only to establish that there would be no way for the child to "pass" as her husband's). She proceeded with the adoption and actually lived with the adopting parents for the end of her pregnancy.

[AirmansWife]

Originally Posted by spaypets

I know another woman, who, sadly, was raped by a man who was not the same race as her husband and a pregnancy resulted (I mention race only to establish that there would be no way for the child to "pass" as her husband's). She proceeded with the adoption and actually lived with the adopting parents for the end of her pregnancy.

Wow... That would be hard.

[spaypets]

I think, actually, in talking to her about this, now 10 years later, that the pregnancy and adoption actually helped her deal with the assault. She saw herself as providing a child to a family and it sounds as it it helped her healing--something wonderful coming out of something painful and terrible.

[cathy102]

Daves-girl... How are things going? Any news about this possible match?

[daves_girl]

Yup...we are going with this couple. She isn't due till Feb. so we have a long wait. She is a really nice woman and we have spoken several times on the phone. I got the first ultrasound pic a few weeks ago. Little peanut! LOL She has another ultrasound scheduled for Oct 6. Can't wait to see that one!