[ChitownTracy]

We have only been in waiting status for one month, but that feeling of hopefulness is starting to disappear. Not so much for our current waiting, but i am already starting to worry about how long it will take.....

I know that God has a baby for us, and we just need to be patient.

But old feelings of resentment and jealousy towards preg women are re-surfacing.
HMMMMMMM
I want to be happy & excited...but am just worried that it will never happen

Any words of advice or encouragment are highly welcome.
Thanks for listening.

[tobeafamily]

Tracy,

First this is normal. When we said this experience is like riding a roller coaster, we weren't kidding.

One of the things that really helped me feel less helpess was doing some networking. DH and I would set a goal to leave 10 'networking' business cards per day in public places. We did get calls and leads from them, yes (one of which resulted in a placement for someone). More importantly, we felt like we were DOING something, not just sitting there staring at the telephone.

If you'd like a list of ideas on networking, just PM me.

Lastly, when you're feeling like this, read my signature line. Honestly the day the call came that ended up in our son coming to us I was on the elliptical trainer at the gym pounding out "it's not fair, this will never ever happen" with every ounce of strength I had. Life's funny that way.

Hang in there.

Regina

[timni]

Yes, just breathe. It sounds stupid I know but when those intense feelings hit you just take a second and breathe deeply. Then tell yourself there is a baby out there for you. And eventually you will bring them home. You have done everything you can do now. I know infertility teaches us that it always ends badly. Boy do I know it!! But just try to remember that this is totally different. AND you will see soon enough. It will be OK in the end.

More practically go do stuff you wont be able to do with a baby. We love Six Flags but no way to do it with a baby so we have been doing that. Movies, trips. all kinds of things. Sleep in, watch movies all day. And tell yourself why you are doing it. B/c soon your life will change and this will be a thing of the past.

Don't lose heart! And stay around here. The forums are a life saver. Feel free to PM me any time you need to talk. I have been an addict around here lately.

[Trophy Husband]

Awe, we'd only waited 6 months through the County of San Diego for a 3-5 year old girl and then my wife got anxious and told them we'd take a baby. The day we turned paperwork in they called and said they'd found one. a week later we went to the "telling", said we'd take her, met her, and the next Day we had a baby...perfect as can be.

www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com

all the worrying was for nothing. if my wife would let me, i'd take another baby now!

Good luck.

[ChitownTracy]

your encouragement and thoughts have helped me.

I decided to plan a romantic dinner for tonight. Spontaneity....something i am sure we will not have when baby comes along LOL

Thanks again




It's good to know i am not alone!!

[Hoping4ababy]

Tracy, I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I are in the process of our second adoption and besides the anxiousness of waiting for "the call" which if painful enough in itself, every time I turn around, one of my friend's or family members are telling me that they are pregnant. It's SO hard to be happy for them when I'm dealing with what we are going through and trust me, I have lost a lot of tears over this...

Keep your chin up!
Kenna

[LisaCA]

hi,

our total wait from homestudy to placement was 4.5 weeks. that said, we took each day as it's own and at times it seemed like months had passed in one day. We occupied ourselves in a number of ways: garage sales (incredible baby bargains), used clothing shops (like 'once upon a child' which has a ton of used baby stuff-remember, infants don't wear anything out, they just outgrow perfectly good stuff), and reading parenting books, adoption books, etc. we also ran around pricing everything, so we knew where to find the cheapest baby formula, who carried what, so when dd needed the specialty formula, we knew who had it and for how much. Same with bottles, etc.

looking back on it, here's what I wish I'd done or I'm glad I did:

1. sleep. you will get no sleep for about a year, so best to go into it rested.

2. gone out to dinner. all those places you love to go will hate you with your infant in tow . dine out as much as possible now, esp if you enjoy it.

3. movies: see every movie since again, it could be your last.

4. bought baby-friendly clothing. I was a bit of a fashion hound, had really nice stuff (silk, wool, linen) and then the baby came. I found out the hard way that baby puke doesn't easily come out of most clothing (and often stains or removes color). if you're not a casually dressed person with lots of casual, throw in the laundry clothing, buy a ton now. Lots of knit, which can withstand the crawling on your hands and knees, the baby food all over, the vomit, etc. Old navy has a stack of casual knit pj bottoms which are great for around the house.

5. take the time to talk to your spouse about philosophies of parenting, chores etc. while dh talked a good game, he knew squat about child-rearing. after one year he still has a hard time remembering to change her diaper ( ).

6. line up potential babysitters and nannies. This can take a while, but referrals are always useful. you may not think you need a nanny now, but you may want one when the precious bundle arrives (after 6 weeks of a colicky baby, I nearly cried when my parttime nanny showed up).

7. red cross classes: we both took infant and child cpr classes and those were sooo useful. had to use the choking thing twice on dd (she even stopped breathing ). best thing we ever did.

8. locate family friendly places around your neighborhood: where do folks take their babies and how much are the annual passes? we bought an aquarium pass for dd as well as a few passes, and she loves those places. It's fun for them to see the people, animals etc and we enjoyed them too. Started to take dd at age 6 months, so knowing where these places are is helpful. we never went to the aquarium here, nor did we know about the kid museums, etc.

9. take a baby care class: like I said, dh knew nothing. we went to the class and he proceeded to smother the baby while burping it . The class gave him more confidence, so he was ready to pitch in. I think these classes are good for guys- smacks them into reality.

10. do whatever you enjoy now. we really liked biking. at one time I biked 60+ miles a week. now I have my stationary bike . I should have been biking like crazy to enjoy that time before dd showed up. if there's a sporting activity that you love, do it now.

there are tons more things to do, but these are just a few. doing these things made me feel like I was making progress. It killed most of the 4.5 weeks, and I was no where near done with everything when our match and placement in less than a week occurred!

I love dd and wouldn't change much, but there are a few preparations that I'd wish I'd done. i'd love to see others add to this list of what they would have done!

best of luck, and we're here for the rough times and the good!

Lisa

[ALI143]

The best thing I've done while waiting is volunteering to do respite care for 0-3 year olds. I've had so much fun! They come and stay for a week or two and I get to spoil them and Practice for when my new little one/s come. All the time knowing "I'm just the babysitter, I can't keep them" not to mention helping out a hard-working foster parent. I had to take the foster/adopt training classes.(6, 1 per week) and then I took the medically fragile infant classes just to be sure I could take really good care of the preemies. Having little ones around is always a good way to keep a mind off the horrible waiting. Until foster mom knocks on the door wanting her little fc back now; then the waiting starts again!