[julie1AN]

Hello everyone,
I'm new here. Hope someone can answer my questions.

I'm 27-yrs-old and I have always thought about adopting a child. I am divorced and not dating at this time. I'm not planing to adopt in the near future. My plan is to finish graduate school, buy a house/condo (whatever I can afford) and then start the adoption process.
I'm a bit scared though about adopting a child as a single parent. I want to give the child the best that she deserves and I'm afraid that she will spend too much time in daycare of babysitter. I'm afraid of not being able to be there as much as I would like. I always thought I would marry and have one biological child and adopt another baby. Things in my life don't seem to be going that way!
Please if anyone outthere is single and has adopted a child, tell me about your experience.
Thanks!

[mckenna]

i became a single foster mom at the age of 25. adopted my first child when i was 29 but had been his mom since i was 27. i am now in the process of adopting my daughter and i am 31. i don't think my children are in daycare or with a sitter any more than children with 2 working parents. of course there are different challenges being a single mom, but i love being a mom and was not willing to wait for a husband to be a mom. besides, i don't think i would have the kids i have if i had gotten married. for me it was a great choice!

[julie1AN]

thanks for your reply. I really appreciate anything I can learn about adopting as a single parent. I'm not ready to take this step yet, but I do want to start informing myself so that when I decide that it's time, I won't be surprised by the process.
what kind of living arrangements did you have at 25 or when you finally adopted? did you have to own your place?
well, whatever info. like i said will be greatly appreciated.

[mckenna]

i owned a small home that i have since sold and purchased a larger one, to accomidate 2 kids and all the equipment that comes with them!!

however i have single friends (and married for that matter) that were renting when they adopted and i don't think it was an issue.

[Indy]

Welcome to the board!

You can learn "tons" of stuff here. I adopted after getting a divorce. I had to wait 6 months before I could get my home study done. I was renting at the time a two bedroom apartment. We lived there for two years, before buying a house.

Happy Journey!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by julie1AN

Hello everyone,
I'm new here. Hope someone can answer my questions.

I'm 27-yrs-old and I have always thought about adopting a child. I am divorced and not dating at this time. I'm not planing to adopt in the near future. My plan is to finish graduate school, buy a house/condo (whatever I can afford) and then start the adoption process.
I'm a bit scared though about adopting a child as a single parent. I want to give the child the best that she deserves and I'm afraid that she will spend too much time in daycare of babysitter. I'm afraid of not being able to be there as much as I would like. I always thought I would marry and have one biological child and adopt another baby. Things in my life don't seem to be going that way!
Please if anyone outthere is single and has adopted a child, tell me about your experience.
Thanks!

I'm a single mom. I adopted Maire-Kate when I was 32. I'm now in the process of adopting a second little girl. (Just finishing up the homestudy). I was worried about being a single parent-but I did what you're doing. I learned everything I could about the process. I talked to other people who were single parents by choice. There is even a support group out there called "Single Parents by Choice". There may be one in your area. Do a web search.

When I first started considering adoption, I looked into dozens of different agencies. Every agency is different so do your homework. The fees varied widely and the services provided (and wait times) varied as well. The paperwork to do a homestudy can take a while. You can always start the homestudy process with your county (which is free) while you are deciding if this is right for you. Also, homestudies done by the county usually require pre-adopt classes. You'll learn alot about the whole process by attending these free classes-PLUS, you'll meet a lot of people who are in the same boat as you.

It's great that you are planning the future so well and have all you're little ducks in row. I was renting when I adopted Maire-Kate and then bought a condo when she was 4. If you wait until you are 100% financially ready, you'll never be ready. There will always be a little bit of doubt or a little bit of "maybe I should do ___ first". Eventually, you just have to take the plunge!

I truly believe you end up with the child you were meant to have. Maire-Kate couldn't be more my daughter if I had given birth to her. She is just so completely part of my whole family. She attended daycare-but she would have attended daycare if I was married. I like working. It hasn't affected her a bit. She's just as happy and well adjusted as her friends who have "stay at home" moms.

Good luck to you!

[julie1AN]

thanks so much for all the info. you are right, i keep thinking, .. can I really support a baby on my salary, oh and by the time the process gets done, and oh God, I have to finish graduate school.
I'm going to take it easy! I am still waiting to hear if I have been accepted into graduate school so it will take me at least 3 yrs to be completely done with school and then I'll feel like I got school out of the way and I can even get a better paying job. I will have enough time to figure things out.
Thanks to all of you for your advise.

[waitinginnj]

I adopted as a single mom at the age of 38. I adopted my daughter internationally. It was a great decision for me. My plan originally was to wait until I was 40. Just some number that I had put in my mind as the right time. The biggest thing that I can say when planning so far out is to remember that it is your plan and you can change it! So do what your doing. Work your plan and if the time isn't right after graduate school, know that you can be flexible. Sounds simple, but for me it was an " ah ha" moment. I wanted to adopt and was like, well in two years, I will be 40 and I will do it then. Then I realized that the 40 rule was mine and I could move the time frame up.

I brought my daughter home 21 months ago. She is now 3 1/2 and it we are really happy.

Balancing work and a child can be hard. I moved further from work, so that my daughter could be closer to her other family members. I have a 1 1/2 hour commute. I do work from home 2 days a week. So as you look for the right job, consider the type of company that you want to work for. The more seniority you have and the fact that you have proven yourself to a company often provides you more access to special programs, that can make the life of a single parent easier.

Best of luck.

[julie1AN]

Thanks! i heard that the cost of an adoption can be up to $20,000 between legal fees, international travel, etc. is this a realistic figure? What about domestic adoptions? Is the cost for the process this high as well?

[mckenna]

really depends on what route you go. international adoptions can be greater than 20,000. my adoptions were free (i adopted through the state which is not for everyone)

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by julie1AN

Thanks! i heard that the cost of an adoption can be up to $20,000 between legal fees, international travel, etc. is this a realistic figure? What about domestic adoptions? Is the cost for the process this high as well?

My cousin is in eastern europe picking up her children. She'll be back next week. Her adoption came to 38,000.00 for a 7 year old boy and his 3 year old sister. I adopted a newborn in Washington DC (1998) and it was only $2000.00 (including homestudy & followup, court costs..etc).

Every agency is different. You might make 2 dozen calls before you find an agency you trust with fees you can afford

[forest26]

Hi,

I am also became a single parent by choice at 37. My daughter is from China and is now5. It was the best decision of my life because I did what you are doing - thinking it through and deciding when the best time is. As a single parent, you are smart to wait to finish graduate school which is a very time-consuming effort. The house doesn't matter, just that you have a baby's room.

As for day care, if you pick the right setting your child will thrive (and not want to leave each day)! I first tried a day care center, which did not work out. I switched to a home day care and it was perfect for 2 years. Then for preschool she transitioned to a day care center and she loved that because she was ready. These days, with the variety of settings you are sure to find one that she does great in and makes you feel comfortable leaving her there.

Good luck with all of your plans!

[siriusjr]

I was struck by the 40 rule that waitinginnj posted about...that was my thought, too, initially, and I even a couple months ago started a savings account towards that end. Then a while back I realized that I didn't have to wait til I was 40, and with waiting lists and all, 35 would be a fine age as well, and probably a better one for me.

That, of course, is slightly over 3 years away, so I am working to get my credit cards paid in full (I don't carry a lot of debt, but I don't want any), as well as learning and preparing as much as I can before beginning the process.

Just as a point of detail, I'm planning on pursuing an international adoption of a baby girl, either from China or Vietnam (depending on how the process goes when it reopens).

I wish you luck in your research and preparations.

Blessings,
Jennifer

[julie1AN]

Yes. I too had an age set up. First it was 30 and this past year I moved it to 35. Now, I'm debating with 33. Basically, my life is on "stand by" until I get an answer from the University on whether or not I was accepted into the graduate program. If not, I would have to look for another program and focus on that.
I too have some debt. Not much thank God! but I am trying to "kill" a credit card and searching for a better paying job. My goal is to start saving money for the adoption from the moment that I start graduate school. I'm hoping that in 3-yrs. I would have enough. I won't be able to put much away, although to help me save, I'm applying to the University for a job since they would cover my tuition in full as an employee.
I did want to adopt a Mexican girl because I was raised in that country but if I can't afford it, I will apply for an adoption in the US.
I have heard that the waiting period for US adoption is really long, Is this true?

[cynthia900]

Hi Julie,

I have adopted twice domestically and am working on number 3 now (so you can tell that I will support single adoption!).

Domestic adoption of a newborn generally costs between $15,000 and $25,000 and my last one took 9 months which was the average for my attorney then. My first was state adoption and was much longer (don't recommend it for infant adoption).

There is a $10,000 tax credit and many companies also have adoption programs (mine is one of the most generous with $10,000.

During the time you are thinking it through you might want to look at the book "Adopting on Your Own" and the book Single Mothers By Choice, both of which are designed for singles starting the process of family building.

You may have a local chapter of Single Mothers by Choice as well - you can join as a "thinker" and get support, advice etc.

I believe it is totally possible to be a great single parent but I don't believe it is possible to "have it all" so you have to choose your priorities in order to make it all work. And you need a good support system - either family, friends or paid help all can work.

Good luck with both your journey's - adoption and your education.