[ChitownTracy]

My sister and I were both adopted from the same agency that DH and I are adopting from. The agency has asked my sister and I to speak to other adoptive parents in waiting. We are speaking as adult adoptee's and answering questions and addressing concerns.

Some of the questions we anticipate are:

Have you always known you were adopted?

How was adoption celebrated in your home?

What were some of the hurtful things people have said to you about adoption?

What were some of the positive things people have said.....

And for my sister, who is korean, what was it like to grow up in a family whose skin color is different.

ETC

So i am looking for any other questions that you would love to ask an adult adoptee. Nothing is too personal, nothing is rude, I desperatly need some more questions to prepare (to answer) Thank you so much

Tracy

[mom2GRLC]

Ok....I have some questions!!!

We are adopting a 3 year old girl through fostercare that we have had for over 2 years. Her birthparents signed over their rights. We are hoping to have an open adoption (nothing set in stone...but our hopes are)with letters(as often as desired), Phone calls(every other month), Visits(1-4 times a year).

Do you think having an open adoption would be beneficial for her in the long run? Would it be confusing? Would it be to difficult emotionally?

Do you think giving her a new name would be hard on her latter on in life(she likes the new name right now). We are also considering putting her first name in her middle name so she would have 4 names(would that be to confusing for her...with 4 names?).

We also have 2 other adopted children, that have very little or no contact with birth family. Will that be hard on our other kids..to see her have a relationship with her birthfamily...when they are unable to?

Were you ever confused where you belonged? Why you were adopted? Did you ever feel like you have to be 2 different people. One for the birth family and a dfferent person for the adoptive family?

If there was one thing you wished you knew about your birthfamily...when you were growing up...what was it?

[dl]

Have you always known you were adopted?
Yes, my mother told me that she practiced telling me that I was adopted before I could possibly understand. Eventually it must have sunk in because I never remember being told. I've just always known. Thus, it never seemed unusual or odd.

How was adoption celebrated in your home?
While the fact that I had been adopted was never denied, it was not focused on or "celebrated". Thus, I never felt different from anyone else. I joined my family by adoption ~ others were born into their families. It was a one time event, not an ongoing thing. My birthday was "celebrated" just as everyone else's birthday was "celebrated".

What were some of the hurtful things people have said to you about adoption?
I never heard anything hurtful or negative about adoption until I found this forum.

What were some of the positive things people have said.....
My parents believed that my bioparents wanted me to have a life that they were unable to provide for me at that time in their life. They positioned it in a very positive manner and I believed that to be true. In learning the truth about my beginnings the last few years, it indeed was the truth.

And for my sister, who is korean, what was it like to grow up in a family whose skin color is different.
Sorry ~ I have no input on this question as it was not my situation.

Do you think having an open adoption would be beneficial for her in the long run? Would it be confusing? Would it be to difficult emotionally?
Every person, every situation is different. Me personally, I'm glad I was simply raised as a child that was a complete part of my family ~ no different from my friends. Adoption, while never denied was not a focus. In learning the truth about my beginnings, I know for a fact that an "open adoption" would not have been a positive for me.

Do you think giving her a new name would be hard on her latter on in life(she likes the new name right now). We are also considering putting her first name in her middle name so she would have 4 names(would that be to confusing for her...with 4 names?).
I was adopted at 13 months and already responding to the name that I had been given. Always wondered if my bioparents had given me that name for a reason but learned after contact with biofamily that they did not name me. Perhaps it was a social worker or nurse or perhaps it was just a "Jane Doe" designation. My parents did keep it as a middle name and gave me a new first name. At first they used both names with emphasis on the middle name and then shifted emphasis to the new first name and then dropped using the middle name. It never caused any confusion for me.

We also have 2 other adopted children, that have very little or no contact with birth family. Will that be hard on our other kids..to see her have a relationship with her birthfamily...when they are unable to?
Just an opinion ~ I personally think "equality" in a family is important. If differences are focused on it could cause difficulty. JMO

Were you ever confused where you belonged?
No, never.

Why you were adopted?
I never knew for a fact until I made contact with biofamily. Bioparents were married but biomother had affairs and bioparent were separated when I was born. There was a question about my paternity. Even though it turned out my biofather was the husband, he did not want me brought up in a broken home. Biomother was "ambivalent" thus the plan of adoption proceeded.

Did you ever feel like you have to be 2 different people. One for the birth family and a dfferent person for the adoptive family?
No, as mine was a closed adoption I was able to simply be myself as part of my family.

If there was one thing you wished you knew about your birthfamily...when you were growing up...what was it?
What bioparents looked like. Would have loved to have a picture.

A thread that may give you additional perspective is:
“Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee” Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee