[BJK77]

We are just starting the process of an Open Adoption and are scared to death of all the things we have to do. We are wondering if there are any definite DO's or DON'TS we should be aware of with the home study. Anything that would be innocently shared that would send up a red flag? I know you should be honest and plan to be - but if we are aware of things that show as negative it would alleviate some of our anxiety. We really have no ghosts in our closets - but sometimes simple things come out mis-understood. Any help would be appreciated.

[tobeafamily]

Just be honest about yourselves, your past, your hopes, etc. Don't attempt to 'spin' or cover up anything, as that in itself is a 'red flag'.

DH is an addict, 16 years clean now. He openly shared his addiction, status, how he manages it and how he can use his experience when confronting substance use in a child he parents.

There was literally no way they could have 'found out' as he has no criminal record. It is an essential part of who he is and where he is 'at' now though. They were impressed with his candor and how he clearly had thought of how this would impact his parenting.

Also, it's OK to clean like a crazy person before the home visit, everyone does. Just make sure you've got a working smoke detector on every level and a fire extinguisher in the kitchen and by any fireplaces.

Hang in there.

Regina

[Missourimomtobe]

We just finished our home study and I must say, it was not ANYTHING like I imagined. Try to remember that the SW is trying to help you find the right fit for your family and the right fit for a child ... they are much more interested in making a situation work than in finding things to decline people for!

Our SW helped us clarify things we said that might have sounded "off" to her; sometimes I babbled and she was very patient in helping me figure out what I was trying to say. But essentially, they want to be sure that you will provide a safe, secure, loving, firmly but kindly disciplined environment for a child. We had all the child safety stuff up because of our grandson; turns out she doesn't even bother with that because we are adopting a newborn and we don't even need that stuff for another 6-8 months. Duh.

Look at this as an opportunity for your SW to really get to know you, understand your desires and abilities, and give her the info she needs to make a great match between parents and child. Good luck!

Peace,

[Navy_RP_Wife]

We are in this together! We decided to adopt through the foster system after 7 years of infertility. We have a bio son that just turned 9 and has ADHD and my hubby, not thinking scheduled our home study for 2:00pm!! Our study is April 4th. That is our son's going down time and the time he is most likely to argue, fuss and whine: the kind of behavior that you just about want to scream over! Our worker is definately going to get a true view of our home life, lol!! I was worried about the homestudy as i have no communication with the woman who gave birth to me and was scared that this would adversely affect us. I asked our worker about this and he did tell me that it was something that we would definately talk about since they explore family relationships, but it wouldn't negatively affect us. He thanked me for being honest and understood why I wouldn't want to talk about this, but its something they have to do. I know I did what I could to resolve my momther's issues, but I can do it and I am a better person/mom because of her: I knew what not to do, thats for sure. Our worker just seems really interested in getting to know us and our life so that they can find a child to place with us, not to get us out of the system. These kids need homes and so long as we can provide a stable and loving enviroment for them, thats 100% more than what they had with their birth families. Good luck!


Lori

[Dizzysmamma]

So how did the meeting go? Enquiring minds want to know. Well, I hope.

Angela