[ember246]

When should we tell our older kids (who aren't old, they're 2, 4, 6) that we are adopting? They know the boy we have applied for, and love him already, but I don't want to tell them too soon. Anything could happen, and even if things go perfectly, it will be a long wait, especially for kids.

When did you let your kids know? Timewise and during which stage?

Will the social worker want to do a family interview?

What if one of the kids balks? (Which won't change our minds.) How should we deal with that?

Help!

[sinesadopt]

We are already starting to talk to our 3 year old about having a brother or sister come live with us just so that he knows kind of what is going on. We are currently attending the MAPP classes required for the State of Kansas to adopt through the state, which has meant that we are gone one night a week. Our son is also very into the MINE stage and we are trying to get him to say ours and tell him that he is going to have to share his toys with a brother/sister when he/she comes to live with us. We have requested a child under the age of 3 so that our son always stays the oldest. We know that our wait could be a while, but we thought it is important for our son to know. We have set the crib up in a separate room and sometimes he asks about it and we just tell him that it will be used by his brother/sister.

[Jensboys]

Bobby - I think I would wait until its a "sure thing" or else word it with your kids that you might be taking care of "Little Guy" for a while and you are working on it. I would take that approach so that way they know if the social workers come around etc.

Also, the school age children will need to be interviewed, so its best they know its going on before then. You also might talk about it in generalities so they get used to the idea of adoption, new kid etc. Mom and Dad think we need a new brother or new sister in our family, what do you guys think? etc That way you are introducing the IDEA without a specific child being blamed for the disruption ... once they are used to the idea, introduce the idea of which kid it is

Jen

[ember246]

Thanks for the great ideas Jen and sinesadopt. As usual, this is an area where I have no experience, and not a lot of common sense telling me what to do!! Thank goodness for you guys here!!!

[sherryk]

Hi Bobbie!

I have the perfect children's book for you as my children were also 2, 4, and 6 when we started the process. It is called "My Special Someone" and you can find it at www.adoptionshop.com under the Best Sellers. The story is written from a child's point of view with a secret message woven throughout. In the back of the book, you will find questions you can ask your children as well as tips for a smooth transition into your home. A bookmark is also included. It was given 5 stars! Check it out!

Blessings,
sherryk
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