[soon2bmommy]

I am confused! I have been having second thoughts for about 3 months now. We have voluntary brought our procedings to a halt. I am so unsure! I don't know if I can be a parent!

I don't know anyone who has ever had this happen and DH says we will do whatever I feel is right for me! No Help it is really frustrating!

I need help! is it normal to feel this way when we are so close to finally becoming parents?

I started baby sitting these two little girls and have discovered things about myself that i really am afraid of.. Like I am really impatient and I get frustrated with them easily.. they are little! this should not be happening !!!

HELP!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME ANYMORE.. I've tried for 8 years to have a baby and now that we are so close to adoption I can't seem to make myself complete it.. ...

Does anyone know how to help me?????????????

[mom2GRLC]

I think there is a whole lot more pressure...to be the perfect parent, when you are adopting. Maybe because you are raising someone else's birthchild...and you feel like you are expected to do a better job...than the bmom...like you have to prove yourself...and your parenting skills. It's ok to not be perfect. There is now way to really prepare yourself for parenting...you have to just jump in..and take it one day at a time...you find out what works and what doesn't. You will make mistakes...you will loose your patience...(even with a sweet newborn.) Children are demanding...and your life will change dramatically. Don't put so much pressure on yourself...to have all the answers right now....it's a learning process....and by the time you find out what works....that thing doesn't work anymore and you have to start trying something different.

It's also much different when you are watching other peoples children than your own children. I've fostered many kids....but the ones I've known were coming up for adoption...and were going to be mine forever, there was something....much different about them....my connection to them was so much stronger. You learn to have much more patience...and tenderness...and remember that in a short amount of time...they will be big...and all you will have is memories(even when ..at the time...some of those memories were very challenging times).

It is scary to think of your whole life changing....I've heard many pregnant woman have similiar fears...of if they are ready to be a mom...and wether they will be a good mom. I think it is normal to feel scared...and nervous...and not prepared enough....but you have to keep your eye on your hopes and dreams...and where you'd like to see yourself and your family in the next 5 years...10 years...20 years...etc. If a family is really what you'd like to have...then go for it. Some people choose to never have children. They find happiness and completness...by their carrier...or service to others...or extended family. For me....it was clear...i knew i wanted to raise a family...and have that experience....I knew i wanted to see my grandkids born...and watch my family just keep growing and growing.

Don't be afraid of your insecurities and let them paralize you....if you want something...go out and get it....and you can learn and grow to be the mother you've always wanted to be...by taking it one lesson at a time.

[tobeafamily]

Elsie,

It is different to care for your child vs. others children. I say that from experience. I was not a patient person either, and that was one of those things I used when I questioned myself about whether I really was cut out to be a Mom.

Turns out Ryan teaches me how to be patient. To slow down, to be in the moment with him. I'm not always the best student. I'm getting better though.

I can remember thinking and asking others "What am I nuts? I like my life! Is this really what I want?" three weeks before Ryan came. The most shocking answer "Well, you've never really been around kids...". Then I thought, What the heck are they talking about? Made me think of my 'whys'.

HTH

Regina