[julie07]

Hi-
My husband and I are just beginning the process. We have researched where the best place and most affordable to have our home study done, but we are on the fence about an agency. We are wondering if anyone has tried just posting their profile on parents profile after the home study is complete. The agency has stated that they would assist us if we find a birth mom on our own. We are fortunate to have friends and family all over the US, so I am hoping some networking would hope. We are just curious as to if this would be a good starting move and if we have no contacts or matches after 3-4 mos contacting a larger agency in NC.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. I had no idea there were so many options, making it difficult to weed out the good from the bad.

Good Luck to all.

Julie

[Casey677]

Hi, Julie!

My husband and I are signed on with an agency. We have had two failed attempts through them. We are currently in communication with a pbirthmom who we met independantly. If we had it to do over again, I would take a year and network on my own... If that didn't work, I would sign on with an agency at that point. I was very nervous at the thought of talking to a pbirthmom without the guidance of an agency, but it has been much easier than I could have imagined. We just adore the pbirthmom we are talking to and really hope she chooses us!


Casey

[twyla]

Hi, Julie07!

I apologize that it has taken me so long to respond to your question, but I have been off the boards for about 3 months.

I agree with you that networking is very important. But you do want to go ahead and choose an agency you feel comfortable working with because there will be many questions pop into your heads in the coming months and you need someone who knows all of your details to assist you with the right answers for your situation. Also, an agency can help you avoid the potential pitfalls of scams and legal no-nos that might cause problems with an adoption being finalized.

Plus, if the agency you choose has regular group meetings with prospective adoptive couples, you will find strength and support among these people who are going through what you are. There is nothing quite like face to face contact with other couples who understand your frustrations and dreams. Our agency even had "Bring the Baby Night" as a program a couple of times and it was very uplifting and inspiring to talk to couples who used to be in our postion but were now parenting. Their stories gave us hope and helped us to hang in there. We have now participated twice as the parents who 'bring the baby'. Even now, on the other side of the situation, I can see ME, and how I once felt, in the faces of the women who are now waiting. (Seems to pretty much be a whole new group of people too, as most of our 'class' has now graduated to parenthood.) These boards can be a good place as well to find a kindred soul to keep your spirits up if your agency doesn't have a "Waiting Adoptive Parents" group.

I would not choose an agency that requires a large amount of money up front, as you may find someone in another state through your networking. And this potential birth mother may have already chosen a different agency she wants to work with, causing you to fork out more money to transfer your files and pay that agency's fees in addition to what you have already paid. A good agency will have their fees divided up into categories, and only require those fees due and payable when those services are used. (i.e. application fee at the time you turn in your application, homestudy fee at the start of the homestudy process, approval of homestudy & networking/support services fee when your homestudy is finalized, placement fee - due when baby is placed in your home.) You also want to make sure there is no problem with transfering your files to another agency if it becomes necessary, (background check, homestudy, etc.). I have heard horror stories of couples discovering that their files were being held 'hostage' by their agency and they had to pay someone else to do the required paperwork again, costing both money and time.

I wish you a relatively speedy, smooth journey on your path to parenthood.