[Shai's Mom]

My husband and I adopted a little boy a bit over 2 years ago. On November 1st he'll turn 3. We decided to adopt again, since we want him to grow up with a sibling, not as a single child.

We have an appointment with our social worker on October 31, and are very excited about it.

We are already talking to our son about having a little sister (that's what we're requesting this time), how nice it will be for him to have a playmate living at home..

But, I have no clue how to deal with sibling rivalry, jealousy.. and all the other adjustments that come with having two kids..

I'd like to know how others dealt with these issues and would be grateful for any pointers.

Thanks!!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

How wonderful that you are going to adopt again!

My advice would simply be to not 'FORGET' your son is there. Little guys (or girls) worry when a new "baby" comes home that their mommy and daddy won't love them as much any more. Involve him as much as you possibly can - let him hold the wipes or lotion when you change the baby. Be sure to have time everyday for just the two of you, that is so important!

Sibling rivalry is going to happen despite our best efforts to avoid it, just go with the flow and allow them to resolve it on their own if they can. If you need to step in, hear both sides of the story.

Good luck. This will all be natural to you in no time at all.

Michelle

[Shai's Mom]

Thank you for your response!

We're looking for a 1 or 2 year old girl this time around.. In a sense that will be easier, yet harder, too, I imagine. He'll have a playmate pretty much from day one, but, I can see it already.. Fighting over toys, over attention..

We'd like for them to share a bedroom while they're both small. Then again, how will Shai feel to have an "intruder" in his room?

I agree that it's vital to make sure that he won't feel left out or displaced. He is very possessive over his Ima and Aba..

Oy, so many things to consider.

Once our new child will be home, I'm sure we'll manage, but, oh, I appreciate any suggestions and input to get myself ready.

[Linny]

You know...we've done this seven times (adopted). We have only four children at home now....ranging in ages 16months to 13yrs. Two girls...two boys (praise God...and I mean that!)
But......here's the thing I think is real important to consider:
Don't let yourself feel guilty because you wanted to adopt another child.
There will be times that your present child may 'break your heart'...when you realize that the dynamics of your family will 'change'. This doesn't mean it won't be good....but it will be 'different'.
And....realize that even though there may be times when they fight and such.....down the road, they will more than likely appreciate each other very much.

I think the advice you have already received is great. I just wanted to add my own too.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Shai's Mom]

That's for sure and I fully expect it. I also expect the adjustment to be difficult for my son, but, as I see it, the benefits will in the end outweigh the problems by far.

Expect the worst and be happy for the good.

I appreciate the input. Now I'll just have to wait and see what the future brings..

[nicoleanders]

We are currently adopting our second child also. We are adopting an infant from Ethiopia. Our son, Owen will be 2 next week. So far, he is excited about getting a brother (we are requesting a boy). We are always talking about the process with him. He knows that his brother will be born in Africa, and he knows what we will name him.(Abram) That way when you talk about the baby, or toddler that is coming they can talk about them to.
I too am worried about the transition from 1 to 2 kids and how Owen will handle it.
I saw that parents magazine this month has an article about adding a sibling, and things you can do to help your child. THis may apply to you( obviously some of it won't if you are not getting a baby) but just check it out!
Nicole

[Shai's Mom]

I'll check out the article in Parents magazine. Luckily (welll) my husband is in the US right now, so he can pick it up for me.

We could very well wind up with an Ethiopian child as well. Before we got our little boy we were told that there is a need for placing Ethiopian kids. One just never knows..

Thanks for the input!

[Waiting4Skip]

It really depends on the children. My oldest two (now 23 and 22) went throught stages. They're 15 months apart, and as toddlers, got along infamously. By school-age, the rivalry set in, big time, and lasted well into their teens. It's just the last 4 or 5 years that they "love" each other again! My brother's kids on the other hand are the same distance apart in ages and they have been each others best friends since the day the second one came home from the hospital!

Judy