[motherearth]

Hello everyone:
I am new to this forum and I'm just looking at some of the threads posted about adoption. We are just starting and have not filled out the packet of papers yet. My husband is 60 years old and I am 48. We have been to some of the classes, but no home study yet.
Already, it appears impossible from looking at the threads posted. to adopt. Although we feel we may be good parents to a child, it seems like the agency wants to prove you wrong before they allow you to adopt. I can understand the background checks and things, but it seems like, from listening to everyone, If you have had ANY problems in the past out ouf the beaver-cleaver norm, you can forget adopting. Is this true? Is this what I'm getting.
From filling out the forms I feel like I'm writing a biography of my life. My parents are decesed and my husband was adopted. His adoptive parents are deceased also. I want to be perfectly honest and tell them everything there is to know about me. It just feels invading. Does anyone understand???
motherearth

[spaypets]

You are doing a biography of your life and it is invasive. Our social worker is the only person who knows both the details of our finances and our medical histories, along with stuff about our families etc.

It is not true that having a less than stellar past will prevent you from adopting. There are things that might make it more difficult (having some sort of arrest record will require extra documentation, for example). Having multiple divorces might eliminate you from certain countries. Also, your age might limit the age of the child you adopt.

But for the most part, agencies want to match parents with children and they want you to succeed. They just want to make sure that the children they place go to loving, supportive homes.

[mj77]

Hello,
I too live in OR. While reading your post, I thought right away you must be from OR. I would love for you to come to the Washington County DHS support group that meets Thursday of next week if you are in this area. We can give you a lot of information and perhaps put your mind at ease of some of the fears you might be having. Check out the Oregon forums www.forums.adoption.com/t157578.html (hope this link works) for more details or PM me.

Your cw is just making sure you have examined every aspect you could of your life. The many questions are asked to make you think. I know it seems as if they want to find something wrong with you but it is not such a bad thing. The cw needs to be able to show a committee that you too have gone through something in your life just as the child to be placed with you would have. You need to be able to have an understanding of coping for the sake of your child. The cw will also want assurance that you have dealt with issues in a proper way in your life. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask me. I co-facilitate at our support group and I can provide you with more information if you need.

Take care,
Melissa

[mj77]

I should also tell you, in case you weren't aware, that the packet you fill out will be used to aide your cw in gathering questions for your family. He/she will take any concerns or questions and analize them with you so they can have a better idea of who you are. Then they will write a biography on your family. This is what the committee and cws see when concidering you for a child. It is extrememly invasive. It's said that the state will know more about you than you know about yourself. Remember though, though it may be difficult to see, you cw is working for you. I just wanted to prepare you that it can be more intense. Once you are approved though to adopt, it gets a little more fun as then you get to seriously look at bullitins of waiting children.

[tobeafamily]

Well if we're the Beaver Cleaver family, then our agency watched a different version of the show than the rest of the world :-)

My husband was 45 when we adopted our son. He is two years older than our son's bgrandfather (go figure).

My husband is a recovering drug addict, 16 years clean now.

I come from a family that put the 'fun' in dysfunctional.

We passed with flying colors not because of what had happened in our lives so much as how we handled it and our honesty about who we were.

Hang in there,

Regina