[jill_bixel]

My husband and I are considering adoption. We attended a seminar at an international agency where it was explained to us that a perfectly clean medical record would be best, even if we needed our doctor to agree to leave some things off --like the fact that I take an anti-depressant or that my husband takes medication for a heart condition. Both of these issues are really under control and never even effect our daily lives. But, first, I am concerned about whether we should even disclose these medications to any international agency or be open with our caseworker and just follow his/her directions on how to fill out paperwork whether or not s/he suggests we disclose everything. Second, if we choose domestic adoption, I am not sure how much medical information makes it through to birth mothers who would consider us... wouldn't these medications come up in the home study physical? If so, would such information be passed on to a birthmother? Would such information be a turn off to a birth mother who does not realize how stable and healthy we are? Should we just keep this information completely to ourselves? Any experience with this out there?

[Support2Adopt]

I would be upfront and honest about everything.
Most likely, you will both have to have physicals.
Medical information will be put in your homestudy and sometimes, potential Birthmothers are able to read these, or at least part of them.
It is amazing, though, how potential Birthmothers pick a family. For all you know, you could be picked because of your conditions. For example, a potential Birthmother might have a family member with the same condition and she knows that in this case, the two of you would be fine.
JJ

[tobeafamily]

In domestic parental placement adoptions, prospective adoptive parents are protected from discrimination by the Americans with Disabilities Act. You would not provide your medical records to your homestudy provider, you would instead provide a statement from your physician (usually a form they have for the MD to fill out) that you are capable physically and emotionally to care for a child and that you have a reasonable expectation of living until that child reaches adulthood.

Prospective birth parents do not see your home study or have information provided to them by adoption professionals about your medical status. They are only aware that a homestudy has been completed satisfactorially. You may choose whether to disclose further information to any pbfamily who you are considering connecting with or not.

You should always be completely honest with your homestudy provider as that behavior conveys trustworthiness. Lying is viewed much more negatively than any possible 'negative' issues in your lives.

In our case, DH is a recovering addict. We felt it was important to disclose that right away, he talked about his addiction, how he overcame it, how he manages now (16 years clean) and how he would use his experience in parenting. We also disclosed this to our son's bfamily, who had no issues. Our son's birth grandfather is a recovering alcoholic who is 2 years younger than DH. I think DH's honesty and experience really resonated with BGF and helped us build a bridge.

HTH, sorry I can't answer about international adoption, only domestic parental placement.

Regina

[jill_bixel]

Thank you so much for your replies and all the information. So do I understand that there is a balance to be struck --the adoptive parents do not need to supply detailed medical information in writing beyond the form their doctor signs, but in conversation with their homestudy social worker it is feasible to discuss issues such as how we have handled the management of my depression successfully? If I understand correctly, this would help both us and our caseworker feel more at ease with being honest (because I do prefer this), but not hurt our chances for approval? THANKS! --Jill

[tobeafamily]

In domestic parental placement, yes, I absolutely think it's appropriate do discuss your history of depression, how you're handling it, and what you and DH would do if your conditioned worsened in the future such that it required hospitalization. (IE we've already thought of how we'd handle things if I needed inpatient care. DH would do X, we'd ask Y to help, etc.)

Again, this is for domestic parental placement only, I cannot offer any guidance for international adoptions.

Regina

[79nic]

jill,

So do I understand that there is a balance to be struck --the adoptive parents do not need to supply detailed medical information in writing beyond the form their doctor signs, but in conversation with their homestudy social worker it is feasible to discuss issues such as how we have handled the management of my depression successfully?

ALWAYS be as honest as possible with your caseworker. ALWAYS. It is much worse to lie about something. The cw will view lying or even lie-by-omission much more negatively than anything in your past. In fact, if you are handling your depression appropriately, that only attests to the fact that you are a strong person who's made it through some life struggles, and will probably be a better parent for it.

I don't know why your agency told you it would be better to have a clean med record, but seeing as how it is an international agency, I can warrant a good guess:

I would bet that the agency told you this not because THEY want you to have a clean record, but b/c many foreign countries do.

I would come straight out and ask your agency if this is why they recommended this.

Regina is quite correct that people who adopt from the US are protected under the ADA law. However, in international adoption, the other country always has its own requirements for adoptive parents, and ADA does not apply. This is why I believe your agency's recommendation was based not on their preference, but on international preference.

Good luck... and BTW, if you do change and go domestic, no, potential bmoms don't have access to your medical history. And even if they did... as a birthmom, I would have APPRECIATED the fact that you have battled depression. It would have been a plus in your favor, in my eyes. (I have also struggled with it, and so has Marie's bfather, so I would have been THRILLED to find someone who knew the warning signs to look for, and how to cope with it, in case Marie ever developed it.)

Good luck!
Nicole

[DianeS]

In my opinion, lying by omission is still lying, and I would RUN from any agency that even hinted that you were to do so. After all, if they want you to lie to the other country in order to have a child placed with you, will they also advise the other country to lie to you in order to place a child with you? Wouldn't you want to know if the CHILD had a medical issue, even if the agency didn't consider it serious? I bet you'd be raising Cain if you found out items had been left off a child's medical report in an effort to make the child more acceptable to adoptive parents. But that street runs both ways.

I'd advise you to find an agency that can be up front and honest about whether the other country would accept your application if it were presented exactly as your health issues truly are. There are people with heart conditions and depression issues who have adopted successfully even while admitting their true health status - because the agencies were honest and professional and found countries or regions or workers who did not mind placing a child with that parent. An agency that works like that is the kind you want.

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by tobeafamily

Prospective birth parents do not see your home study or have information provided to them by adoption professionals about your medical status. They are only aware that a homestudy has been completed satisfactorially. .
Regina

Regina,
I have to respectfully disagree with you. With one of our adoptions, the sw told me that she read part of our home study to the potential Birthmother.
On a personal note, I think that all information in a home study should be provided to a potential Birthparent as I think a potential Birthparent should have as much information as possible about the family she/he/they chooses to place a baby with.
JJ

[tobeafamily]

JJ,

A SW reading part of a homestudy to a pbfamily and a pbfamily being given a copy of a completed homestudy IMHO are not the same things. I've not heard of any situation where a pafamily's homestudy has been 'handed over' to pbfamilies for review, and I've not heard of any situation where pafamilies have had to provide medical records and/or where those medical records were then handed over to pbfamilies to review.

IMHO both are violations of privacy. In the case of medical records there are laws (Privacy Act of 1964 and HIPAA act of 1996) that protect the confidentiality of these records. Violations - release to any party not authorized by the patient- carry very high fines. In at least portions of the homestudy - CPS checks, criminal background checks, etc. at least in Virginia it's also a violation of state law to release these records to any third-party without express written consent.

The agency we worked with assured us in writing that the contents of our homestudy were private, they would not be 'reviewed' by any pbparents who contacted them under any circumstances. When we asked they told us that was SOP and that no ethical professional would behave otherwise. They gave us a copy, of course, of their report and told us we were welcome to share/not share as we saw fit. Because the homestudy report does contain some very personal information, they discouraged us from sharing it though unless we felt it absolutely necessary.

IMHO

Regina