[Dino]

Hi and thank you for a great book! I've been reading it today and I'm having a problem with my Dear Bmom letter.
The letter is from ME, not my husband and I. All "I' and "We".
I've included all the necessary info and I think it's a pretty good letter, after edits suggested by your book and articles written by Birthmothers. But I can't seem to turn the wording from ME writing the letter, to my husband and I writing the letter.
Is a letter from the Potential Adoptive Mother enough, or if not (and probably not, I know)
help!

EXAMPLE:

Chris and I have been together for nine and happily married for six years. We met through work. I was a teller at his bank. It took me over a year to get him to ask me out, but on our very first date, I knew he was "The One"! We were married October 24, 1998 and started trying to have children right after our wedding. However, we soon found that I could not produce eggs capable of becoming babies. It was a painful time, but then a wonderful friend offered to donate her eggs to us. Thanks to her, in September of 2002, our son Flynn was born.

Thank you in advance for any suggestions!!

Lee

[79nic]

Lee,

Sorry, know you're looking for help from Nelson... but you ended up with bmom who happens to have editing experience read your post. So I'm butting in.

It is all in your grammar. Just change the subjects from "I" to "we" and then make the verbs agree. You will have to refer to yourself in the third person, though. Look, here's your paragraph rewritten: (Don't know your dh's name so I will use "John"):


We have been together for nine years total and happily married for six. We met through work. Lee was a teller at John's bank. It took John over a year to ask Lee out, but on the very first date, Lee knew he was "the one." We were married October 24, 1998 and started trying to have children right away. However, we soon found out Lee could produce eggs capable of becoming babies. It was a painful time... but then a wonderful friend offered to donate her eggs to us. Thanks to her, in September of 2002 our son Flynn was born.

_____

Simple as that....

If you think it sounds kinda awkward (and I would agree-- switching back and forth from first person to third is never ideal), there is another option (my personal preference): FORCE YOUR HUBBY to write part of the profile. That way you can use "I" in your part and he can use "I" in his part. This sounds more personal, anyway.

If your dh is absolutely refusing to write, you can fake it... ask him what his thoughts are, what he'd like to say in the letter.... take notes on what he says... and then write it for him--using as many of his own phrases as you can, so his own tone comes through--using "I" (just as if hubby was writing it).

Example:

Hello! We are Lee and John.We'd like to tell you about ourselves.....

John is the light of my life. We met when I was a teller at John's bank... I knew he was "the one" on our first date... (etc.)

(later)

My relationship with Lee is my greatest source of happiness. She is truly an amazing person: honest, loyal.... (etc.)

(later--unified voice again)

We live in a big home in the country. We have four dogs, two birds, an elephant, (etc).

-------

If you do this approach, you will just have to play around w/ transitions between the "we" parts and the part where you write, and the part where your dh writes. In my humble opinion, if it's written clearly enough, the transitions could be as simple as a row of dashes _____________ separating the parts, to signal that a new "voice" is writing.

K, probably WAAAAY more than you wanted, so I'll quit rambling. Hope this helped a little.....

Good luck!
Nicole

[79nic]

LOL, just realized you DID say your dh's name is Chris! Sorry!

[michellemartin]

Kara's parents each did a paragraph on each other. I think that sounds less akward than trying to refer to yourself in third person. I'm pretty sure the part where the dad was telling us about him was really the mom faking it for him, too. Good luck and sorry about another bmom butting in!

[Dino]

Thanks Ladies, PLEASE, feel free to butt in all you like, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out!
I like your suggestions. I think I AM going to have dh write a bit himself and I'll edit it in.
He never said he didn't want to, it was just assumed, unspoken, that I'd be the one writing the letter, with input and suggestions from him, and as a result, the letter is mainly from me.
Anyway, thanks again!!!

Lee

[MNelson]

I'd just like to pipe in and say that what Nicole suggested and Shellie affirmed is a great way to be able to talk about each other, and the two of you as a couple. It's much more conversational. We did this, and think we ended up with a really great letter. Our son's birthmom did, too

And just to give credit where credit is due ... this back and forth style is exactly what Nelson suggested in his book!

[Nelson]

With all the great advice coming from this group, I'm starting to feel superfluous around here
(which i think is great)!

Just want to add couple of quick points to the discussion:

1st: I believe it is absolutely critical that the letter sound like its coming from both of you. What kind of "father" does it look like your dh will be if he doesn't participate? So of course you must include him. even if you do all the writing–and let's face it, some of us are better at that than our spouses– you should employ one of the devices in the book or that has been suggested here to make it seem like he was involved and is speaking through the letter.

2nd: I know of no sure-fire, elegant way of switching back and forth between 3rd person (he, she, we) and first person (I, me) pronouns, a subject a spend quite a bit of time discussing in the book. the suggestions given here are good compromises (sections that alternate between you and he in 1st person, some thrid person narritive, sections seperated by sub-heads). You have to find the form that gives your letter the greatest sound of truth to your ears, to make it express your voice to the best of your abilities.

Perhaps the group can volunteer some more solutions?

best of luck,