[Langbecker]

Hi. I am wondering if there is anyone out there who has been in a situation similar to ours. The Birth mother came to us in July of 2003 and wanted us to adopt her baby. We have always wanted kids and this was an opportunity of a lifetime. Said Yes! 9/25, Alex was born. I cut the cord! Named him and came home with us. Has been with us since. Started the legal paperwork. Birth mother signed her parental rights away, and the 10 day period expired. Court date is 11/10/04. Ever since the day we brought Alex home, we have been in contact with the birth Mother. Unfortunately she is on drugs. Has been very irrational at times. Not thinking of the welfare of the baby. Throughout this past year, one day she is ok with it and the next day she is screaming at me. Has a bad day and takes it out on us. Threatening to change her mind. Lawyer assures us that it will work out, but it is very stressful. We never asked for any of this. They came to us. So, now for over a year have had a constant headache and really stressed out over everything. Don't want to lose Alex because we love him. Story goes much much deepert and I realize that this is just scratching the surface, but looking anyone who may have a similar situation. Thanks.
Elizabeth

[numbr1dbcksfan]

If she already signed and the time expired, then I assume your court date is for finalization.... which means that the tpr is not in question! Good Luck!

[mroot]

I don't know what state you are in, but in Kentucky, once the bparents terminate their rights in front of a judge, that's it. There is no appeal. When we adopted our son, his bparents wanted us to come to the termination hearing even though we didn't need to. The hearing was held when our son was 11 days old. They sealed the courtroom and videotaped the hearing. The judge asked if either one of them had ever been diagnosed with a mental illness and if either of them were under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. I thought this strange but found out later that they do that to establish competency. If later they come back and say they were under duress and didn't know what they were doing, they can replay the videotape.

They sometimes use consents instead of judicial termination of rights. That is where the bmom signs a paper consenting to the adoption but it has a 20 day revocation period where she can change her mind for any reason. After the waiting period, it's final. It sounds like this may have been what your son's bmom did. If so, I think you should be ok.

[Langbecker]

Thanks for your input. I keep telling myself that because her 10 day waiting period has expired, that is it and she can't change her mind. Has been a real rollercoaster dealing with her. Will be so glad on Nov 10th! I appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences. Look forward to more! Thanks!

[TLCwantsAbaby]

November the 10 is our wedding ann. SO, with all the good vibes I have in me for that date, I wish you all the best.

[tobeafamily]

With respect to your child's biological mother's rights and finalization, there is no relationship. Once she has consented and any post-consent termination period has closed, consent is irrevocable and final. She cannot 'take the child back'. Finalization from that point on depends on a) whether consent was legally given/rights legally terminated and b) whether you've complied with post-placement supervision. Legally, once that 10 day window closed, her relationship to your child is 'as a stranger'.

I see from your profile you're in Georgia, here's the relavent code:

http://www.legis.state.ga.us/cgi-bin...pl?code=19-8-9


19-8-9.
(a) In those cases where the legal mother of the child being placed for adoption has herself previously adopted such child, said adoptive mother shall execute, in lieu of the affidavit specified in subsection (g) of Code Section 19-8-4, 19-8-5, 19-8-6, or 19-8-7, an affidavit meeting the requirements of subsection (i) of Code Section 19-8-26.
(b) A person signing a surrender pursuant to Code Section 19-8-4, 19-8-5, 19-8-6, or 19-8-7 shall have the right to withdraw the surrender by written notice delivered in person or mailed by registered mail or statutory overnight delivery within ten days after signing; and the surrender document shall not be valid unless it so states. The ten days shall be counted consecutively beginning with the day immediately following the date the surrender is executed, however, if the tenth day falls on a Saturday, Sunday, or legal holiday then the last day on which the surrender may be withdrawn shall be the next day that is not a Saturday, Sunday, or legal holiday. After ten days, a surrender may not be withdrawn. The notice of withdrawal of surrender shall be delivered in person or mailed by registered mail or statutory overnight delivery to the address designated in the surrender document.

I'd suggest that you work now to set boundaries with your child's biological mother so you may preserve this relationship for their future - for example, make the boundary that if either of you yells, uses profanity or threats, then the encounter will be ended. After X days, you'll talk about it. If it continues beyond X contacts, you won't take phone calls any longer and communication will proceed via mail only - to keep you all from getting too upset over this. The goal is to preserve the relationship in a healthy way - not punish for behavior.

It may not be a bad idea to establish a third party intermediary - counselor, religious leader, etc who can work with you all on this.

HTH, best of luck.

Regina

[mercy]

I think you have some good input here. The finalization is between the state and you... NOT between you and the **. Her rights have been legally terminated already. It sounds like you may need some reassurance from an attorney.

In regard to your relationship with their Birthmother, I am all for having an open relationship; however, if she is using drugs or unstable, I would keep her away from the baby! This is your child and you need to keep your child safe.

Blessings! I hope all works out fine!