[nrj]

My adoption of j was disrupted yesterday. It was a decision that I had to make for the best interest of both of us. It was a very very difficult decision for me. J was moved to a foster home in the neighborhood and school district where she stayed last, with a single fostermother. She accepted it better than I had expected. I believe she realized that it wasn't going to work and was also ready to move on. Unfortunately mine was her 6th or 7th home. I feel at peace with my decision and looking back, I know that I did everything I could. I had to let her go. We agreed to keep in touch and said our final goodbyes. As she drove out of the driveway with her caseworker, I'm not sure if it really even hit her that she wouldnt be coming back again. They arrived at noon and by two she was gone. It was the first time I didn't wonder if there was anything else I could have done for her . I know that there wasn't. I know in my heart that I did my very best. I hope that she will take with her good memories of our family and the fun times we had and she will remember some of the things that I taught her. I don't know if she will keep in touch, but I hope so. If not, I will always wonder what happened to her and if I made a difference at all in her life. She will be in my prayers always. NRJ

[adoptakid2day]

i just wanted to say i will keep you in my thoughts and i think you done the right thing.

[Howdy]

{{{nrj}}}
Hope you are doing okay in your empty home. Are you having a cleaning frenzy? That is what I did each of the times my foster daughters were moved to relatives. I was sad but also excited to be on my own again, and to unearth the floor!
I hope you get a new perfect match soon (as soon as you feel ready for another plunge)!

[nrj]

I "am" having a cleaning frenzy! I am kind of glad and kind of sad. I am moving things and rearranging things. I feel that my sone, who also live with, are relieved too. They speak kindly of her and really tried to adjust for moms sake and I love them for it. I have a daughter who is 31 with two little ones and I want to spend more time with them. My friends say that I have a nice family and that i agree with. I just felt that I had the time to offer and the room to share and the desire to help a child if I could. It was nothing close to the was I expected it to be. I knew there wouldn't be appreciation and I understand that. What I really, really didnt have was the bodnind. Her behaviors got in the way of that and I felt less close to her with each passing day. After the fire setting, I began to actually dislike her. The caseworkers tried to make me understand that she was "testing" me, and that she would "probably" not do it again. I think the other families sent her packing after each other fire and they didn't want me to do that, so I didn't. I feel now that I should have. After that I began to resent her and dislike her because I have been very very good to her in every way and I felt that was a huge slap in the face. She is 16 and does know it was wrong to start a fire. I passed it off as an accident and showed her how to use the fire extinguisher and did not show that I was upset in front of her. Inside I was fuming that she would try this on me and run the risk of having my house in flames. That was definetly the turning point for me, because I realized she had no feelings for me or my family. Then I began to realize that I would never view her as my daughter and decided to end it. Some people may say that I should have known she was testing and that was helping her to know that I would never give up on her. I honestly didnt have it in me to continue and did give up. I dont think that I will foster or adopt again and I told my caseworker that yesterday. She said "take a weekend and go away and relax".. I honestly dont know if I can do it again, or if it was this particular child and situation. Right now I don't even want to think about it. I "may" go away for a few days, that sounds very good right about now. Nrj

[dadfor2]

nrj

i wouldnt even think about adopting or fostering again at this point, you need time to heal and gain your strength and pick up your lost pieces.

but, no, not all children are like this. i have two, siblings, one we had to disrupt due to behaviors, the other is still with us, who is fine for now.

but take the time off, clean up your house, take a few days and spend some quality time with your family.

if in the future you want to try again, you have learned alot of what child you can parent and what child you cant.

the sad thing, there is no shortage of kids that need homes...so in a year from now, or whenever, you want to revisit it again....there will be children waiting.

anyway, im sorry, i know its hard, we are going through it too. It must of been very hard for you when they pulled away.

we still have visits with our son, and it kills me everytime i have to say goodbye as he waves from the window.

its so devastating.

take care of yourself, you deserve it

dadfor2