[zoofamily]

We adopted our 4th child 2 years ago (1st adopted), he is 2yrs now. It was a private adoption, although it should have been a state adoption - long story. We just received the first contact from the birthmother, who is a crack addict. She has had another baby by the same birthfather. She lost custody of him right away. She is in another state - we don't know where. this is the only info we have. We are trying to contact her throught the adoption agency we adopted our son through. We know they know more than they will tell us. Her social worker there has had contact with the babies social worker.

We just happen to be approved for adoption with a new agency that facilitates out of state adoption. In fact we started the new homestudy about the time the baby was born. She gave us his name and birthdate, but he could be anywhere. We have reason to believe he is in fostercare and hasn't been placed for adoption yet. We desperately want to find this child!

Does anyone have any info to help with this situation? We were told when we adopted our son that we would be the first to know if she had another child, but we are just finding out 8 months later, and from birthmother. The agency is telling us b/c of privacy laws they can't share any info. We already know the birthparents name, birthdates, SSNs, have their pictures, etc. The only thing we don't know is where they live now. But I don't think knowing where the baby is giving that info. They may have moved on-?

[Linny]

Gee....this is a tough one indeed! As I read your post, and as I understand it.....you were contacted by this birthmom? And....your previous agency will not give any more info out to you? Correct?

As I see it, there is little you can do yourselves now. I fully understand your wanting to adopt a sib.......but, it may be that this birthmother has dealt with social services for the last eight months, and she's not meeting the standards to 'have the child back'. This, of course, is only speculation on my part. However, until the courts have deemed that this child will not return to her....until the agencies/birthmother agree that this child should be 'your child'........I don't believe there's anything you can do.

Whatever the case may be.......until that birthmother tells the agency, or your preivous agency decides to make contact with you about this, you're at 'their mercy'....

I hope, for the baby's sake, that if it's to be placed in an adoptive home, it can come to your arms.......


Sincerely,

Linny

[zoofamily]

You are correct with the way you read my post.

Birthmother indicated her rights have already been terminated. She has been a crack cocaine addict for along time and I suspect the baby was addicted at birth. The adoption of our son was consentual, but only b/c the agency agreed to withdrawl the involuntary termination petition when she changed her mind about giving him up. It is a long complicated story. He should have been a special needs baby b/c he had a serious medical condition. He was in fostercare 4 months b/c of his illness, relating to a genetic blood disorder. The agency lied about it all. We found out after placement from the foster parents. It wouldn't have changed anything for us. He is ours no matter what!

Long story short... I know she isn't going to get this new baby back. I know he hasn't been adopted and is in fostercare. That much the agency told us.

[riley6]

Once a tpr has been issued, ANYONE can file to petition to adopt a legally free child. So if you know what county has custody of the child, file with that county courts to adopt the child. I would call a lawyer and consult about what papers need to be filed.

[zoofamily]

The problem is that I don't know the state that he is in. The agency we adopted our son does, but they won't give us the info!

[riley6]

He SHOULD be in the state where the tpr took place. Normally, the county that files the tpr is granted custody of the child who is now a ward of the court.

[Robin15]

I would ask the agency to please give the social worker your name and number and ask her/him to call you. Another thing you might do is to write a letter to that social worker and put it in an envelope all ready to be mailed and give that to the agency.
If they still refuse I would try to get the number for each state and contact each DHSs main office.
I found my kids birthmom and birthsiblings in a different state. I only knew her first name and guessed about her last name and some kind soul typed it into their registry and it came up.
A lot of privacy issues to get over but we sent pictures to the agency and our toll free number and they did give it to our kids birthmom.
I feel for you. I am living it and it is awful. Let us know how it goes. Robin

[zoofamily]

Thanks so much for your kind words of support. I am trying really hard to put it in God's hands.

We just happen to have an approved adoption homestudy and are with an agency that will do out of state adoption. We just got the letter from the birthmom last week. We actually started the process about the time the new baby was born.

I am just so frantic to find him before he is placed for adoption with someone else. It is just so frustrating to be so helpless!