[sherryk]

What type of adoption are you waiting for? (fost/adopt, independent or international?)

My husband and I chose fost/adopt because it was the most feasible financially, we already had 3 bio children, and we wanted to provide a stable home to a child that didn't have one!

What led to your decision?


Tell us your experience!

Blessings,
sherryk
host

[sfbaymom2000]

Hi Sherry,

My husband and I are in the process of trying to fost/adopt a little girl from 2-5 yrs, through the county (in CA). I had awful complications with my daughter's birth 7 years ago, that lead to years of treatments and surgeries. We would like another child but I do not want another pregnancy! We considered older child adoption because there are enough people lined up for the infants. We thought we could do something both for our family and for a child that needs a home. We would also like the girls to be relatively close in age.

Lynn

[Victoria Lane]

sfbaymom2000

Just wondering, do you consider 2-5 an older child? I am also hoping to be matched with a 2-5 year old little girl. I'm in Florida and am afraid that is what age most foster to adopt families are waiting for. So I anticipate a long wait. Have you had your home study completed yet?

Victoria

[sfbaymom2000]

Hi Victoria,

I love hearing from somebody in the same situation as us! Personally I did, and still do, consider over two years old an older child. But I think that description varies alot between people, agencies, and states. I think years ago, over two was considered "older" and even "special needs" (due to age only). These days, I think many people and agencies consider over five years old to be "older".

This is such a roller coaster ride...and we don't even have a placement yet! I have gotten encouraging and discouraging feedback (and often conflicting information). In orientation, I asked one of the speakers (privately) if what we were looking for (girl 2-5, relatively healthy) was unreasonable or impossible. She said not at all, and if we were willing to take a 5 year-old we "would probably have seven referrals by the time your homestudy is finished". My caseworker told me that we were more likely to find a single girl (without siblings) closer to the two range. One couple in our training classes, that wants the same type of child as us, was encouraged to consider children younger than two. That amazed me, because I thought there were a ton of people who wanted infants. Another amazing case was a woman who was in our training who was already having preplacement visits with a two year old girl (and it was going great).

When you look at photolistings you will rarely see a "healthy" girl in thes age range. That discouraged me, but I have been told that healthy young girls rarely make it to the photo listings because the social workers already know of many couples who will be interested.

The thing that is encouraging to me is that we personally know or know of several girls adopted in theis age range who are doing great! One was adopted at three by a biological relative. Two were in my daughter's dance class, each adopted by single moms (one at 2 yrs, one at 3 yrs I think). Now it seems that every time I mention fost/adopt to someone thye have a friend, neighbor, or relative who has experience with the system. Several have worked out well. I just spoke with a mom who just got her 18 month-old girl (although she also wanted from 2-5 years) a few weeks ago (after 2 years from their orientation). Many had some complaints about the process and their social worker. Some have said that they got referrals for several children who had more problems than they could handle. And a couple were heartbroken when a child they wanted went to another family.

One thing that is in Your favor and ours is being stay-at-home mom's. I mean no offense to people who need to or choose to work, but I think in this situation, not working is an advantage, because then the child does not need to adjust to daycare as well as a new home and family. A couple of people who were disappointed when kids went to other families were told that the children went to families with stay-home mom's.

Anyway, I am rambling here, but I see that you are new to the board. Are you pretty new to the process too? We were told the homestudy could take upt to six months, but it seems to be proceeding at a good pace so far. Our caseworker knows we are very eager and has tried to keep things moving. We also finished all our paperwork promptly and did our physicals, CPR/First Aid training as soon as we could.

Anyway, good luck to you. I'd love to hear what your experince has been so far.

Lynn

[Victoria Lane]

I'm encouraged that we will find a match for our family, and our case worker said I might be surprised how quickly we will be matched, but I'm on pins and needles as is everyone that is going through this process I'm sure.

Yes, I'm a stay at home Mom, I taught 2-5th grade last year so I could be my sons teacher, but gave notice last week that I won't be back next year. Yeah home again. I loved teaching but my son is moving up to middle school next year so I wouldn't have him in my class. I think we will be home schooling him next year, I'm not ready for the middle school yet. lol.

I have heard about many wonderful families that have adopted though the foster system, and out case workers here seem to be very efficient.

We were in the middle of our home study a few years ago, but I lost both my mother and father 11 weeks apart near the end of the process. I didn't have the energy it would have taken to finish and add to our family at that time, so we put it off for a while. Now I'm back to myself and ready to move ahead full steam. But because we had made the decision a few years ago and are now ready to try again I am even more anxious, I feel like it's been a very long time coming, now we can't finish our classes, I need one my husband needs 3 till Aug-Sept. I guess their taking a summer brake also for classes.

Good luck,
Victoria

[sherryk]

We are also from Northern California and had a great experience with fost/adopt. We chose an adoption agency that works with families from the Bay Area and can place children from virtually anywhere. Our daughter came from Alameda county even though we live in another county.

Our daughter was 9 months old when she came into our home. Our children were 2,4, and 6 at the time we started the process so it was important to me to have a child younger (atleast one school grade) than our youngest. My daughter did have some pretty major medical issues but they have all resolved. She is 5-years-old now and a joy!

This is such an exciting stage you are in...the wondering, hoping, expecting...dreaming! Keep writing to us so that we can keep track of your process and can rejoice with you when your precious one comes into your home!

Anyone else want to share the type of adoption they are doing?

Blessings,
sherryk
host

[mzbrown1]

My husband and I chose to foster/adopt because in our state(IL) you have to foster your child for 6 months before you can adopt. We find out offically if our family was choosen for the little girl we were hoping to get.....I am very afraid because I know deep in my heart she belongs with us but there was another family that the foster mother wanted for this young girl and they were a good family as well. Tomorrow is our magically day and I can't wait. I just want to hear it from her SW's mouth that it's us! I've prayed for the day we would have a daughter. We have three boys and I love them dearly...mom just needs a little girl like I needed little boys. I wish everyone out there that's going through this the best as well, the wait is hard..but worth it in the end. I will post as soon as we hear!!!! God bless to you all.
Ang

[Dee1234]

We are waiting to adopt an infant or toddler in the domestic program through a agency in our home state. We have been waiting about a year so far.

We have thought about doing a foster-to-adopt program, but we don't really know much about it. The only story we heard about it was from a friend who said someone he knew got two toddlers that turned out to be addicted to drugs and out of control. That really scared us!

I would love to hear from anyone in Michigan who has successfully adopted through a foster-to-adopt program.

Good luck to all,
Dee

[sfbaymom2000]

mzbrown1,

How exciting...I sure hope you are chosen! How long has it been since you homestudy was completed? I feel like the wait is going to drive me crazy!

Good luck! Hope to be hearing great news from you tomorrow!
Lynn

[sfbaymom2000]

Victoria,

How is the process going for you these days? Have you finished your classes. I am eagerly checking the mail box every day waiting for a copy of our homestudy. And of course, every time the phone rings I am thinking...could this be it? I sure hope it does not take too long to be matched, but am trying to be patient. Good luck!

Lynn