[mommyatheart]

Does anyone have any insight on how to create a good balance in the many feelings that go along with a family adoption? We have been through many years of dissappointing attempts to start our family, and after looking into and preparing for adoption, we were recently approached by our niece to adopt her unborn child. We are so deeply appreciative and honored at the request, and feel so at peace for the first time in a long time for the outcome. We have such deep feelings of respect and admiration for her strength and selflessness. Yet, we are so involved (and definitely want to keep it that way), that we see all that is going on in her personal life with the hardship she is facing. So hard to keep a balance, because on the one hand, we find this to be a very positive situation for us, yet, we ache for her and all that she is now going through with being pregnant at the age of 16, not to mention what she has yet to face. We were approached about this situation a little over a month ago, and since then have been focusing so much on **'s struggles, and her parents' struggles with the situation, that we have forgotten to allow ourselves to be excited for the possibilities this holds for us. I'm sure this will continue, but maybe if we can find a balance, we can not feel so guilty about our quiet enthusiasm. We have waited so long for this opportunity that I want it to be a positive one.
Anxiously awaiting motherhood - mommyatheart

[mlbsands]

I have for a long time talked about both my excitement at the adoption possibility and at the same time my guilt for wanting to be able to raise this baby and unfortunately that means that the birthmom cannot.. I have also felt like I wanted to say how excited I am, but yet felt like I did not want to upset the birthmom in any way...

I talked with "J" about this and she was just so sweet.. she said that she loves to hear me talk about how excited I am and that she made this decision, we are not forcing her into it and she is the one that talked me out of feeling guilty for my excitement.. that ment to world to me!!!!

I am still careful not to talk about things like the nusery unless she asks.. then I am happy to talk about it and show my excitement...

Good luck and allow yourself to be excited.. also.. like my mom said.. "why not be excited about this baby.. will you be any less dissapointed if this does not work out and you did not show excitement to begin with".. she also pointed out that while most people think its ok for a pregnant women to get excited.. there are never any guarentee's that they will end up parents in the end either..

So.. go for it.. be excited and have those memories..

Mandy

[jen100]

I can really understand what you are going through. I was a birthmom when I was 17 and am now starting the process of becoming an adoptive parent. I am also an adoptee. Sometimes I don't know if being able to see this situation from all sides is a curse, or a huge blessing. It can feel like walking a tightrope at times. I think that it is wonderful for you to be concerned about your bmom's feelings. I'm sure that if you are just honest with her, it will get easier. Tell her how you feel and ask her what she is comfortable with, too. I have learned through my experiences that the process of adoption can bring both pain and great joy to all the people involved. Anything worthwhile does. Remember you're not alone in your feelings...we are all there with you!

[mommyatheart]

Thank you so much for sharing your words of encouragement. It is so nice to hear from someone who understands first hand what we are experiencing. I think I too will try to approach the subject with "T" when the time is appropriate.
mlbsands- I really like the words your mother had for you- how true
jen100- thank you for your response... it means alot to me to hear from someone who has experienced the other side of my situation.