[enerad]

Is anyone working on their nursey's through this process? Are you finding it helpful or difficult?

I am trying to make a quilt, curtains, and bumperpad for a crib. Some weeks I really enjoy doing these things, other times it depresses me.

We also once in a while buy something for the baby. Over Christmas, we were in a FAO Schwartz going out of business, and found the softest teddy bears I had every felt. We couldn't decide between two. (I like one, and my husband like the other.) So we bought them both... with hopes they would be loved soon.

Darene

[joymom]

We're waiting, and moving. So, I had done the nursery and am now taking it apart! I'm a fan of doing some "nesting" like getting the nursery ready. For me, it started that process of "entitlement" -- I was going to be a mom, we were going to have a baby -- it helped me get into "mommy mode" mentally. I also prayed a lot in that room, for baby, for the bparents, for us. I have purchased a few baby things with each of our kids before they were born, it's just too fun. It's also a fun story to tell your kids later -- (your FAO Schwartz story is priceless). But I know some people wait, too, because then they feel kinda "tortured" by an empty crib. The first room I'll paint in our new house is baby's room. The bassinet stays up, ready to go. I hope you enjoy your nesting Your little one will enjoy it soon.

[enerad]

I love the idea that it is the "entitlement" part of this process. Today... I had a long talk with my father about my mom coming with sewing machine in hand to do "her idea of my nursery". (A long on going frustrating process I am dealing with my own mom) and realized from a long talk with my husband, that doing our nursery is the one thing we have control over in this process of adoption. With some much waiting, and no control of when anything will happen, I realized that I get upset when a friend or my family begins telling me what I should do or not do surrounding getting ready and designing our nursey. So... this afternoon, my husband and I had fun putting the most adorable storybook stickers on a lamp we just painted a week ago. My nursey is surround children' literature and nursery rhymes, we laughed, and talked, and problemed solved with one inch stickers. But... what fun we had. These will be the memories we can share with a child as they grow up.

[joymom]

The idea of entitlement (related to bonding) really helped me out, too. It was hard to know how to "act" when expecting a child via adoption. I wanted to peruse the baby aisle, start a baby book, talk with friends and family, dream big dreams for our baby, work on the nursery, etc., but wasn't sure it was ok somehow. Seeing all this as the beginnings of bonding with our kids really freed me up! Good luck with Mom & sewing machine There are few forces of nature as powerful as a future Grandmother and her textiles!!! Good for you and hubby having fun with the lamp. Little things bring big joy. Doing these things together is awesome, you're building "parent" memories already! It's also good practice for fending off well-meaning advice... it only gets worse!

[redhedded]

We painted, fully furnished and stocked our nursery before our first home visit for the homestudy. We enclosed a photo as part of our profile. It was not hard or depressing at all for me. In fact, it affirmed that, in the future, (while completely out of my control) there would be a baby there. We chose bright colors with Mission style furniture. We started a collection of books. The changing table was completely full of diapers, wipes, washed wash rags and clothes (gender neutral). It was vacant for a year with our Great Dane occasionally poking her head in and lying on the carpet. We were happy to be so prepared, as the call for our daughter came quickly and left us with little time.

It was VERY important to me that no one have input but hubby and me; our friends and family would not have tried anyway. But I had a clear idea of what I wanted. Good luck however you choose to prepare.

[Sunrenay]

We are just starting the process of getting ready to adopt. The agency called me last week and said that she will send me some info tomorrow. We don't even qualify for almost 3 more years and it is all I can do to not think about the baby's room yet. I know what I want and can't wait to get started. I used to dread turning 30 and now it can't come soon enough. I say go for it! If the empty crib bothers you, don't set it up. Do everything else and set the bed up just before you leave. Good luck and have fun!

[enerad]

Love hearing about how others decorated their nurserys!! Ours is being use by the cats.... one loves the chair, the other unfortanely the bassinet. We look for her and she curled up inside. We're having to find her a basket of her own to encourage her not to sleep there. All the fun of this process.

[clurock]

listening to all of these stories has brought back SOOOO many memories! I remember all too well the pain that I felt looking at the empty room that was to be "the babies."

I had the opposite reaction as the other's listed! The most I did before was paint the crib. It had been given to us from my sister and I wanted it a different color! However, I had everything I needed bumperpads and sheets (all of which had been purchased 5 1/2 years before baby). I just could not bring myself to putting things together. It was WAY too painful! I will tell you, that it is very hard to get things organized while you have baby...maybe I should have done more before!

Good luck to all of you waiting!

[marksmom]

I started working on our nursery as soon as we decided to start the adoption process. I loved the whole nesting process! We bought our crib, car seat, stroller, diapers, and clothes. Everytime I went into a store I went into the baby department to look at everything since I considered myself an expectant mom. It helped the time fly and kept my spirits high!

[Xanny]

Just a note from the other side of the coin. I'm Jewish, and some superstitions stick with you. Jews don't buy things or decorate before the baby is born (or adopted, I guess, and on the way home). When my mom was pregnant with my older brother, she went and picked everything out, then they delivered it while she was in the hospital and my dad set it all up before she got home (with my grandmother's help, I'm sure). I asked my mom why she did it (she usually hates superstition) and she said that it made sense to her because if anything had gone wrong with the pregnancy or birth, she would have been devastated to come home to a nursery all set up, and then have to take it apart.

I guess with adoption we have a bit more of a "guarantee" that it will happen eventually, but I'm still wary about getting started ahead of time.

On the other hand, I'm still in the paper chase. Maybe when I'm waiting, and have nothing I can do to move things along, my opinion will change.

--Xanny

[mom2alex]

Nesting was my biggest source of comfort. For our years of IF I wouldn't even allow myself to pass by the baby dept in stores. I was so afraid that others would see me and know that I did not belong there. I had this weird sense that motherhood was a club and I was forbidden to join. I didn't feel like I deserved to be excited and plan for a baby that didn't even exist yet (or so I thought).

Once we started the adoption process I took on a totally different attitude. I finally allowed myself to feel and act like a mother. And it felt great! The word "entitlemnt" is perfect. I considered myself and expectant mother and did everything that someone who was pregnant would do. Since my "gestation" period could be long, I tried to do things at a moderate pace. One month I painted, the next I made some bedding. Little by little got things done. I wanted to really appreciate this stage and enjoy the preparations. Plus it allowed us to put the pictures of the completed nursery in our profile. I know my daughter's b.mom loved being able to see where her baby was going to sleep.

And clurock is right, it is hard to do all that once you have a newborn. I know we could have run around like crazy people and gotten everything perfect for our daughter, but I enjoyed it so much more doing it ahead of time and taking my time with things. Once she came home, it was all about just holding her and looking into her eyes. The nursery, at that point, would be far less important.

Do what feels right to you and don't listen to anyone else!

[enerad]

For those just starting... nesting is a great part of this process, and I find that I go and buy when I have that certain feeling. What it's doing... is helping to get ready, and for a long time we just keep things in a box, in a closet. Now... we are beginning to set up, and it's nice to look at the few cute little clothes, or hold a soft teddy bear and know yes it will happen.

We just had a disappointment. A possible situation... but we will move on.

Darene

[ddhuab]

What great stories about getting the nursery ready! Hubby and I just decided over the holidays that we definitely wanted to start the adoption process -- well, the last month has been full of research and the realization that we will probably have to wait until summer to sign with an agency, because of me trying to finish my thesis to get my MA, and because of trying to pool together an "adoption" savings account for the upcoming expenses.

Anyway, I am planning a baby shower for my oldest and dearest friend's baby #1, (bio), and it has been really fun. I just wanted to share a little story ... while hubby and I are totally committed to adoption and feel the adoptive parent-child connection is just as intense as bio, we were a little worried about the reactions of some members of our families. Well, my mom came up this past weekend and ran errands with me. When we went to the baby store, we saw a bedding set that would go perfectly with the dark purple carpet in the "nursery" (currently the guest bedroom), yet was still gender neutral. My mother wanted to buy everything so we would have it already! I told her it was a little premature to be doing that, but I was touched that she is so excited about our plans. In fact, she and her sister keep telling us -- I want you to sign up now and get that baby here! I wish it were that easy!

I really can't start getting the nursery ready this early -- not only do I think it would occasionally depress me, I am also afraid I would want to go in a completely different direction when the time came closer. One good thing about the adoption route is that you do have PLENTY of time to make stuff if you have the talent. I wish I could make my own bedding like you Darene!

Good luck to everyone!
D.

[TJny]

Hi D -

It's great that your family is supportive of your decision to adopt. I've heard many stories where the family is not so "hot" on the idea and it's really hard on the family. Our family was so supportive and though our journey seems to be taking a long time (I could have made 100s of items by now!) you never know when your little miracle will happen. We have friends who found their child's birthmom simply through word of mouth before they became officially active with their agency!!

I can only hope your little miracle arrives just as quickly!
Best to you,
TJ

[enerad]

D... I can relate to the finishing the thesis, etc... that was our life, and many years later we finally last year started the adoption process. My recommendation is look for workshops and classes during this time and it will guide you in the right direction on what type of adoption you want. I wished we had not waited so long... because the process can be long. Also... as the previous post... word of mouth is a part of this process, and simply beginning there opens many doors.

Darene