[sherryk]

Hi everyone!

From the start of our adoption process (Sept. '99) to placement of our beautiful daughter (end of May '00) it was 9 months - just like a pregnancy!

How long has the wait been for you?

Be strong and take heart!
sherryk
moderator

[cathy102]

Our first adoption in 2002 took 9 1/2 months to be matched and then Lexi was born 6 weeks later..So that adoption took 11 months..

Now we are matched again..We were matched in 1 months and 3 days and the baby is due in 6 weeks, so this one was very fast!!!

Cathy

[Linny]

It's almost been too long to remember the first several kids and how long it took......but for our most recent, we submitted with our attorney ....(who networks for us), in July and our baby was born in November. Her bmom chose us after the birth. That's four months. We thought it would take that or less time for our next one (God willing). Instead, this has been the LONGEST wait we have ever had for a child (baby or older). We have been waiting with this attorney for 16 months; and November will be one year with our last agency. We have signed up with several agencies..........so, maybe it won't be very long? This particular wait is driving me crazy!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Linny

[sherryk]

Hi Cathy and Linny,

Isn't it amazing how each child/wait can be so different! We only had one adoption (3 bio too) and the wait was the hardest part!

Anyone else want to share?

Blessings,
sherryk
moderator

[enerad]

We are in the waiting process too. I had two phone calls from our newspaper advertisement in October. Both girls said they would call back.... 2-3 weeks have passed. Is this normal? One gave me her mother's phone number, the other her address.

Should I call back? Should I send a note? Or wait? We are not matched. Just waiting. I am beginning to become anxious about this process. We have been doing outreach since May. I am beginning to wonder if our agency is doing enough. We have ran newspaper ads, mail out about 300 birthmother letters to doctors, and just verbally networked. Our agency has a web site, but I wonder if we should put up another site on the web on this site, or dearbirthmother. How much money do you put out? So many questions.


Darene

[sherryk]

Dear Darene,

If the birthmothers gave you a phone number or address, I would call/send a note just to let them know you care and are available for further contact. It will also help you - knowing you are doing all you can.

I think it is an individual decision whether to make an additional website. Money issues are so personal, for some it is a financial stretch to do anything additional. So, it is up to you.

Hang in there. May wasn't so long ago (even though is seems like it.) Maybe now is the time to spend on yourself or get the nursery ready.
Read some books on parenting or subscribe to Adoptive Families Magazine.

I know the feeling of wondering if your agency is doing all they can for you...usually they are. Keep calling them to find out the status of things, or just for encouragement.

Otherwise, keep writing to us! We are here to support you!!!

Blessings,
sherryk
moderator

[enerad]

Well I took your advise, and sent a card. We'll have to see if anything happens. In the mean time, I have been doing some more looking on the internet, and realize that we might have to do some additional outreach. After a lengthy conversation with my husband, he is beginning to realize that I can't do everything. We might look at hiring someone to assist us in the outreach. It's spendy... but my emotions through this are important too.

[tobeafamily]

Darlene,

I thought these networking/searching tips might give you some ideas. Some are very inexpensive!

We created a master e-mailing list of all our friends, family, close business associates, etc. We used this list to ask for help in searching, and kept the group updated every 2-3 weeks or so with how things were progressing. One of these list members, a "work friend" of mine from a previous employer (we mostly trade jokes on e-mail), made the connection. She had gotten an "update" from us about a week before her ex-husband's daughter found out she was pregnant and decided on adoption. So we were fresh in her mind. This young lady is Ryan's birthmother.

A few other things we did that generated leads and one other family being made:

1. Made up business cards with brief blurb and our contact info. Left them everywhere - restrooms at movie theaters, hockey games, fast food restaurants, airports, etc. We gave cards to waitstaff, left them on pay phones, bulletin boards, ATM machines, etc. We got 9 leads, one of which turned into a connection & placement for another family using our agency. We asked friends and family to do the same and ended up with a "mad mad carder brigade". We got cards pretty inexpensively at Vista Print www.vistaprint.com.

2. Sent out letters to hospitals, doctors, etc. Got one call from a social worker that almost turned into a placement for another family. This would've been very expensive if my employer hadn't let us use their color copier though.

3. Put up flyers in our cars with our info on them, as did some of our friends. Also put flyers up in laundromats, bulletin boards, etc. Got several calls from these, especially the cars.

4. Created a simple website and posted it on adopting.org, abcadoptions.com, preciouskids.org, all the search engines, and everywhere we could do it for free or a low fixed cost. We did get some e-mails and phone calls from prospective situations, though not a tremendous number.

ABC Adoptions has a 'birthmothers seeking situations' area where they send leads to you as one of their 'listing families' by email. Kay at Preciouskids will send you periodically all the 'available situations' from facilitators when you list with her.

5. We advertised in the local and some college newspapers. We didn't get much response, but others we're aware of made their connection this way. We also put an 'on screen' advertisement at one of the local movie theaters - that got us zero leads.

6. We also put a short 'ad' for ourselves including phone # and website as the 'signature line' on our e-mail and asked friends to do this as well. Don't honestly know if we got any leads from that one but we figured it was free and couldn't hurt, especially if people didn't strip signatures on forwards.

Also, we really told everyone. I have a heart-shaped red button with the word ADOPT! on it that I'd wear places. You'd be amazed how many people came up and asked me about it, giving me a chance to give out a card and ask. I got 4 separate leads from people in a professional group who knew we were searching - either their friends/family or an employee became pregnant, etc. We told our postman and the guy who delivers the newspaper.

It was very hard at first (we really are private people) but got much easier with time and as leads formed. We also found so many "gifts" - notes of support from strangers, friends sharing their adoption stories (adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents) that we had never heard, so many prayers. We are continually amazed and touched.

Please don't hesitate to ask questions, we're happy to help.

Take care,
Regina

[sherryk]

Thank you Regina for sharing your inexpensive tips for networking!

Darene, I also think that you are right in saying that it is difficult when emotions are involved to "be doing everything." Getting help with an additional website (or getting plugged into something like parentprofiles.com) to help you is great. It has helped many couples become parents!

Anyone else want to share how long your wait has been?

Blessings,
sherryk
moderator

[JL Cauling]

We started the process in January of 2003, homestudy was completed in April, and we are still waiting for a match.

We are looking to adopt an older child (up to age 8) and are frustrated that it has taken this long.

[mom2alex]

10/02 Chose agency
12/02 - 01/03 Completed Home Study Classes
02/03 Home Visits and completed profile
03/03 Approved and officially "waiting"
06/03 Matched 4 days prior to dd's birth

Crossing fingers that #2 goes that smoothly (in another couple years that is)

[moominmama]

Our homestudy was complete 7/7/03 and we were matched briefly at the end of November to a mom who chose to parent. Our bio has gone out at least 12 times (because we had to go make more copies) and I know our agency is very, very busy right now (four placements in the last week)!

We are at the top of the list so if a birthmom wants the agency to choose for her -- which happens quite frequently -- we will be matched then.

The wait is hard but I'm learning a lot about myself and my expectations. And at least I know that 2004 will be our year.


Dawn

[MkMw]

OUr homestudy was completed September 2001, our sons were born July 3, 2002 - so....just under 10 months. We are in the process of having our homestudy reassessed for #3 - so no idea what that wait will be!

[two are fun]

We signed up with our agency in April of 2003, matched with our daughter in the middle of May 2003. She was born June 13, 2003. We were matched with our son on July 14, 2003, he was born July 16, 2003. It has been quite a year for us.

Stephanie

[dkbw]

Waiting is sooooo hard....

Homestudy done May 2003
Active with agency June 2003
Matched with Birthmother Aug 2003
Birthmother deceided to parent Sept 2003, back to waiting
Moved to Guam November 2003, on hold
Homestudy needs update still waiting.......

Happy New Year everyone, may God bless us all!!!!!

DKBW