[jheald]

We are just beginning our draft of the letter and if we included everything we've got outlined it could be a novel! How many pages is common for the letter?

Janet

[tobeafamily]

Most I've seen are 1-2 pages. You want to give someone reading this a 'sense' of who you are and invite them to get to know you personally.

HTH

Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[jleasterday]

I have a great book titled Reaching Out: How to Write a Terrific Birthmother Letter by Nelson Handel. It helped me a lot. It explains the different types of letters and what you should and should not include. Our adoption agency told us they thought we have a really good birthmother letter. You can find this book at amazon.com or dearbirthmotherletter.com. Good Luck!

Jennifer

[Nelson]

thanks for the plug, Jen. Glad you like the book.

As to the myth of length, as the old joke goes, it ain't the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean. I always advocate writing a letter just long enough to say everything you need to say, and not a word longer. some adoption professionals will try to limit you to a single page, offering the rational that EPs get bored and don't like to read, but i find this position highly insulting to a woman's intellegence. An expectant parent is making one of the biggest decisions in their life, and they deserve as much information as they can get that will help them make an informed choice.

On the other hand, you don't want you letter to be radically different in legnth than the ones it will be viewed with, so I also advise lookin at examples of other letter your adoption pro has, and staying within a respectable range of them.

In most cases, 2-3 pages provides plenty of info for a letter of introduction, but that is just a general guideline.

Do keep in mind the wisdom of writer Blaise Pascal, who once famously signed off a letter with the apologia, "I'm sorry this letter was so long. I did not have time to make it shorter." I good letter should be written and rewritten until it is succinct and to the point. Be rigorous with your editing to eliminate unnecessary verbiage. Use active verbs and avoid overusing the verb "to be" (I am, he is, we are, it is). active writing helps even long letter read quickly.

In the end, be guided by your heart. does the letter say all that you would wish for a first introduction? if so, it is the correct legnth.

[Coley]

As a birthmom, I have to say I agree with Nelson. I think a 2-3 page letter is best. You do not want to make it too long, because sometimes a pbmom has to go through many "dear bmom letters" before she finds "the one."

I also prefer letters/profiles/hoping-to-adopt sites that give you a brief overview of the couple, before having to read their entire profile. By overview, I mean, a small paragraph or outline that only takes a minute to glance at telling basic info like your ages, how long you have been married, occupations, etc. This way, if a pbmom is looking for certain "qualifications" (for lack of a better term) she is able to glance first and see if you meet her desires before reading a lengthy letter!

~ Coley

[TJny]

Thanks for the input Coley!

I have to say those overviews are so difficult. We are listed on several hoping to adopt sites and I've always felt that the short paragraph is SO important because it may determine if someone looking will simply pass you by or click to find out more about you. If we can't get someone to go to our site, it's not doing much for us (which is basically how we feel at this point.) My husband thinks I stress too much about it and that there are so many other factors that play a role in which couples someone might choose to look at further. Every person is different so I can see his point but I still think the overview has got to play a HUGE role.

We constantly struggle between trying to put a little of our heart into the overview and also giving information to pregnant women who may have those qualifications you speak of.

I've tried drafting ones that have just the facts (age, years married, etc) but it seems so cold. I've ended up keeping what we started with originally because we do get some hits on our site and I guess I'm afraid making changes will hurt us instead of helping us -- we may get NO hits!

But you have inspired me! I am going to give it another shot and take a chance.

I have read many of your posts and you are truly a blessing to have here on the forum!!

Thanks for the inspiration,
TJ

[Coley]

Awwwww, I inspired you?!? Wow, I am touched!! I can only imagine how difficult it must be as a prospective adoptive parent to sit down and try and write what has to be one of the most important letters of your life. That letter may lead you to your child! WOW - it has to be tough and I am sure you agonoize over each thought- but just write from you heart so a pbmom can get to know the real you!

I would be happy to look over your overview, your site, or your dear bmom letter and give you a bmom's point of view. Although all bmoms are different and my opinon may not be the same as someone elses!

Feel free to email me at princessmuh1@yahoo.com

Hugs,

Coley