[Dana F]

If you have found a birthmother who wants to place her child for adoption (she is 8 wks along) where do you start. We are in the middle of adoption internationlay now and this has just kinda fell in our laps. We knew we wanted to adopt again and feel this may be our chance. The b/m is not asking us to pay medical bills or living expenses. She lives in a different state than us and is not going thru an agency or atty. So, how do we get started. Do we find an atty and what are the fees usually involved? I need all the advice I can get. Thanks.

[34andhopeful]

Well, the first thing I would do is get her a lawyer and get yourself a lawyer. You will also need to verify the pregnancy (just to be safe)I would keep in touch with her and I would get her counceling. 8 weeks is really not enough time to come to grips with providing an adoption plan. However, I am not a bmother - just my two cents - take it for what its worth.

You also need to ask about the bfather - are they together? Will be be a problem. And then that last thing Iwould do is RELAX. You have been presented with a great opportunity!

We did a domestic adotion and went with an out of state b-mother. It was wonderful. Downside is that we took him home Jan 19 and the adoption is still not final.

[JuliannaTeresa]

I agree with the above post. Very well said!

You need also to get a Attorney who is not representing both you and the Birthmom in the Birthmom's State to complete the Interstate Compact Agreement.

[tobeafamily]

Hi Dana,

Good advice on this string. You will want an attorney in your state and one in the state in which this child will be born. You will also want this young lady to have separate counsel, the attorney in her state can set this up. Start with your state, many attornies in adoption have good working relationships cross-states.

The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys has their member list online at www.adoptionattorneys.com. Contact at least three and check out their fees, services, and experience with domestic adoption. They will be your best resource in this situation.

I'd also see about arranging some counseling for her to help her think through her adoption plan. Again, your attornies can help arrange this. It's worth it. There is a 'red flag' when young women make their plans so early in a prengancy as it's not 'real' to them yet - no movement, kicks, etc., especially if this is their first pregnancy.

Hang in there, please feel free to ask questions.

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Dana F]

thanks for all of the great advice. This is her 2nd preg. Her 1st child is only 8mths old. At first she was going to abort the child she is carrying now, but thank God a friend talked her out of that so now she wants to place to baby for adoption. Since she is only 9 wks along should we wait to see a lawyer until she is farther along?

[34andhopeful]

Like a wise woman once said (my mom) Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today. I am sure she was quoting someone else...LOL

Plus, it took me two months to find a lawyer I was comfortable with.

BTW, Because the state of VA lost our paperwork, our adoption will not be final till mid Dec!

[MomofKaden]

I agree you probably want to go ahead and get started...is your homestudy complete and transferrable to this situation? Are you currently with an intl. adoption agency? Would they be able to continue working with you to complete this domestic, private adoption? That is probably the only thing you have to be too concerned about for now - making sure your homestudy is done and useable for this new situation. Otherwise, yes, just look into some lawyers...or if your agency will just continue on helping you and finalize, that is great too. You probably don't want to deal with an open adoption agreement or any of that for a number of months...maybe at 5-7 months? (that is assuming you will even have one, and since you are in contact with the bmom now, I assume that you may plan for an open arrangement of some sort) If you need any advice on that, just ask!

Best of luck to you!!!