[smudge]

I don't really know how to start - so please bear wtih me.

My husband and I are looking to adopt. We can't afford the $30,000 for an infant or international adoption. Unfortunately, we haven't found any domestic infant agencies that have a more modest price.

We looked into foster to adopt because it is not crucial that we adopt a baby. Although, we do want a younger child. I have read on the state website that 75% of adoptions in our state occur through the foster care system. I spoke to the local foster care / adoption agency and was told that we cannot do foster care for the state because of where we live (military base).

I have been unable to find an advocate in the foster care system here nor in the military system. I just don't know where to turn or what else to do.

I am also a bit scared because I have become somewhat obsessed with the idea of adoption and trying to find someone who has some insight.

THe bit of advice that I did receive from the foster care / adoption caseworker was that if I found a woman who did not want to raise her child/children, then I could possibly adopt him/her/them. I found this information not very helpful because if I knew someone,then I would not have needed someon elses assistance. He also told me that I should move - that is not possible.

I am not wishing for anyone to reply about their thoughts of the military - just the adoption issue.


Thank you for letting me ramble.

[Peggy]

http://www.nacac.org/howtoadopt.html gives you some information on State Fostercare and adoption. Is it impossible to move off base? Maybe not tomorrow...but eventually? Also did the agency say you could not adopt if you live on base or just not foster? Because you can start the wheels in motion for a state adoption, It takes a while anyway. You can be part of the 25%.

Also, if you adopt older than an infant overseas, you can adopt for less than 30k. You can also adopt from some countries for around 12 to 18k, and you get the tax credit.

I think there should also be someone on base that can help you, a social worker, or lawyer, and possibly help with finances.

If you want to adopt an infant domestically and want find your own match, there are methods of finding someone. (I adopted an older child through the state, so I will let some one else give you that information).

[tobeafamily]

Hi and Welcome,

We adopted our son through domestic parental placement (AKA 'private adoption') 17 months ago. I will tell you any agency whose fees are in the $30,000 range for a domestic parental situation for a child of any ethnic background is completely unreasonable. Our total costs including advertising, travel, medical, legal and homestudy was $14,000, we didn't pay that out all at once, and ours was on the 'high side'. We're friends with 10 other couples who've adopted the same way and none had total expenses over $10K besides us. The reason why you see those $30K + situations advertised is because they can't easily find people willing or able to pay those kinds of fees.

I am a firm believer that it is very possible to adopt an infant of any ethnic heritage domestically within a year, and without paying outrageous fees. It takes time to network, a bit of persistence, and patience as you pursue your plans.

First, I'd recommend you check these books out of your library or get them at a bookstore or online/eBay:

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina
Adopting In America: How to Adopt Within One Year by Randall Hicks
Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber

Then, ask your OB/GYN, local clergy/religious leader, friends, etc. for recommendations on local agencies. Also see if there's a local adoption support group. If so, go and ask the membership who they used. Interview AT LEAST three agencies and ask for itemized fee schedule, how often they do domestic situations, services provided, etc. Check their licensing and their status with the BBB. Check with the Adoption Guide too www.theadoptionguide.com. Be wary of agencies who immediately want to talk with you about international adoption.

You'll also need an attorney experienced in domestic adoption. TThe American Academy of Adoption Attorneys keeps a member list online at www.adoptionattorneys.com. Again, interview AT LEAST three and ask for fees, services, how many adoptions they've completed, etc.

It's important that you're comfortable with both your agency and attorney as you'll be working a lot with them.

I have found that in most domestic parental placement adoptions connections with potential birth families happen through personal networking - getting the word out to everyone you know that you're looking. I'm guessing you may be a military family, which actually is a good source. DH was AD/USN (now retired) when we were searching. He was approached after we connected by another sailor whose daughter was pregnant and after we finalized was also approached by a young sailor who was pregant and wanted to place. I do have a list of 'search tips', most of which were pretty inexpensive. Please feel free to e-mail when you're ready to start & I'll send them.

Hang in there, adoption is a confusing roller coaster. Please feel free to ask questions!

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[JG1210]

We are adopting through the state and we did not have to foster. In our state, there are many children waiting to be adopted. As long as you have an approved homestudy, there is absolutely no reason why you cannot adopt through the state system without fostering.

When we took the required classes to adopt through the state, we also were told that the best way was through fostering. Then we found out that while this may have been true, it was not the only way, and we were not looking to foster.

Unfortunately the State is so much in need of good foster homes, that some workers tend to not tell the whole story. They encourage you to foster in hopes that you will choose it rather than straight adoption. Once we pressed them they told us that yes - you can adopt without fostering but they recommended fostering to adopt. Don't get me wrong - fostering is a wonderful thing for the right people. However, the goal is reunification of the family, and not everyone can do that. You have to be prepared to give your child back, no matter how attached you have become. I have a great respect for foster parents, but don't do it unless you really feel it is right for you.

If I am not mistaken, every state has an adoption registry. Anyone with an approved homestudy is able to be considered for adopting these children. Check out adopt.org for more info.

We found our children in our state's photolisting in august of this year. We are bringing them home in two days. However, by August we already had a homestudy which can take a little while to complete, at least a couple of months. IT CAN BE DONE. DON'T GIVE UP. Contact your State's Children and families department.

I don't know about the military base issue, but I believe the important issue is not where you live, but that it is a stable environment. The State needs to know that you will be there for a while, because they need to do post adoption visits for at least 3 months before you can legally adopt in the courts.

If you adopt from the State, money should not be an issue. It is rather affordable, depending on the state. It should not cost 30K!


You can private message me for more info.

Hope this helps,

JG

[BrandyHagz]

Have you considered relocating off base?

In most area's BAQ will cover more than 100% of the rent/morgage. Also, with VA benefits, you can move into a home with little or no money down...plus your loan would be assumable if you were to be PCS'd

Just a few things to think about...dont know where your stationed or what rank you are...

[smudge]

Thank all of you for your replies!!

First, moving off post would not be beneficial to us. We do not want to buy a house here. We also have two dogs, which makes renting practically impossible. The house we were given to live in is a wonderful three bedroom home (and there are just the two of us and the two dogs). We did look into off post housing when we got here and could not find anything. THe BAH does not cover the cost of housing here.

Everyone gave lots of great ideas that I will have to process.
I know I will have some questions about them, but will be taking a long weekend - so it will be a while before I can ask them.

Thanks again.