[JewelMarie]

You guys crack me up! MOH, glad to see you made it. I was hooked to see who reached 400 page first.

Much happening here as usual. Last night I sort of had a moment's break down. A. finally called her foster mom last night after no seeing her since last Friday. She wants to call back today but I don't want her to do it. I want her to focus on the two of us building a relationship. I was so torn last night on this, partly because I felt jeolous and partly because of all the stuff that is happening. There are lots of changes and I am excited but my brain is screaming at me right now. Some days it is hard to get the brain and heart to work together.

I am off this afternoon with A. We are attempting to continue our routines like it would be when she comes home. It is taking a lot for her to let go and allow me to do this for her. YEsterday brought a lot of issues that her and I dwelt with; issues of trust, respect, obiedience, etc. She is use to having to take care of herself since she was a little girl; now all of a sudden, someone is coming and wanting to do it for her. It is a lot and pushing on a lot of issues, but with each step we take, we are shifting through another level of things and she is learning to trust me.

This is one of the main reasons why I don't want her to be calling her foster mom right now because it feels like she is going to start treating this home like a day home, rather than a place where she has to deal with the issues and seek comfort from me. I hope this makes sense.

Anyway, I am trying to reach my worker to speak with her about these issues to see what her thoughts are around this. I also think that a part of me is feeling quite alone through having to figure this out and I fell like I am having to hold emotions in my head, hence the reason for the next headache that is starting now.

Well that is it for now.

Stacy: Is Asher on homo milk now? I think my sister started him on it just before a year because she stopped breast feeding at 2 months. As for that pacifer, hmmm, I don't remember what time frame it disappeared. I just remembered the bottle took the longest. My neice bottle got thrown out after she was three; it was for night comfort and somehow someone decided that she did not need it anymore.

Jewel

[JewelMarie]

Hey I made page 401!!! Yeah, yep, ya, cool!!!!

[stone]

Okay I see Jess and Stacy have had fun today.heheheh
You guys are hilarious DORKS!!!No Im just kidding your words not mine.hahaha

Okay for the Tuesday Question of The Day .....My favorite movies of all time are Jerry MAguire,Sweet Home Alabama
Current movie Something's Gotta Give

All time Tv Shows/Funniest Videos,and PartyOf Five{Do you gals remember this show from the mid nineties??}
Current tv Shows/The Bachelor,ER,and CSI Miami

Good to hear A is adjusting and starting to trust you, Jewel.It is all a process.

Barb...My friend Tracy will meet you at the airport this weekend.She is going to hand deliver you my book.Is that service or what??

Tara,it is best to order it online,or you can go through me,too.If you go through me,I will sign it.Let me know.Im so happy to hear so many of you are interested in checking out my book.Im jumping for JOY.Hooray.

Well I need to go tuck the kids into bed and say bedtime prayers.Good night.
Stacie
Gotta work in the morning.I am working with my patients on setting long term goals.It should be a good class.


Oh one more thing....Brooklynn said nightnight 2 times for "MIDNIGHT"{our black lab}
How exciting.

[JewelMarie]

Morning all....I am taking a few minutes to write you. It is a change not having the morning to visit here, I am getting used to it.

Stone: You are right, it is all a process. I spoke with my cw yesterday to update her on the things that occurred since last Friday. She agreed that A should not be calling her foster mom every night. We called on Monday night and she wanted to call last night, but I told her that we are not calling that I want her focus to be on me. She can share her concerns and excitement with me. It took us about 30 minutes of chatter to shift through her feelings, but once we did, she lighten up and the joy that came out of her was something I never seen before. It was like she let go trying to care for someone else. She laughed, she played with me, she was silly and just joyful. She called my name from every room in the house(this is new), for ever little thing. It was wonderful to see her let go and allow me to be there for her. My little girl had to be a big girl for most of her life, so it is challenging for her to allow someone else to help her. She is doing great. I am still in awe of last night.

Anyone heard from Darci?

Alright everyone, have a great day. I am working half day today so I might be around this afternoon.

Jewel.

[coachmur]

Hey everyone,

I have been trying to think of a question for you all today but I guess I will have to leave it to someone else. My brain just isn't working this morning.

I am really bummed. My car is totalled. I really can't believe it. It didn't have that much actual damage. I guess the when air bags deploy it costs a lot! It broke the steering column and that alone is 1K to fix. The rest of the dash with new air bags is another 3k. He said the estimate was over ten grand. Sick huh!

Jewel, if I could just let you in on my feelings about your case. I hope I don't offend you in any way. I am just feeling like sharing with you the other side of the story. I am a foster mom. I have just had two little girls adopted from my home after a year and a half here. Up until they came here they suffered terrible abuse of every kind. Ours is the first home they ever lived in where they experienced a safe, happy, normal life. Yes, they were treated as normal kids here. That meant they had chores, they were disciplined when they misbehaved (appropriately), they were fed, they were treated just like the rest of our kids. In that year and a half not only did we grow to love them dearly, they grew to love us. When their parents had their rights terminated the girls just said "well, I guess we will live here forever then". At that point we brought up the fact of them being able to be reunited with their other siblings in a new home with a new mom and dad. We didn't ask them to call us mom and dad but they did. I feel like it just made them feel less odd, more like a kid, not a "foster kid". They were very excited about their new mom and dad and about being with their siblings, but those last few weeks with us were tough. Tons of feelings are going through your little girl right now. She is excited about being with you, yet she is grieving the loss of someone she has grown to love. Praise God she can love! Sometimes when kids are treated so poorly they just quit ever getting close to anyone and loving them. The night before our girls left us we all just sat and cried and cried. Yes, we were excited for them, but sad too. Their new parents promised them they could be in touch with us whenever they wanted.
At first they would call quite often and we would call them. The counselors suggested this just so the girls wouldn't suffer yet another rejection. They would feel rejected by us if we didn't have contact. They said it would help their adjustment into their new home rather than hinder it.
If you think about it those people will always be someone special to your daughter. They were there for her in a time of need. They may be the first place she ever lived where she felt safe and loved. I know they are not perfect, and they may do some uncalled for things because they are feeling pain at her leaving but I hope for everyones sake that you will be able to get along with them.

Our little ones call much less often now and they are falling in love with their new parents. They are feeling comfortable and at home with them. It is all a process. You will feel jealous of her foster parents at times, she will say things that she doesn't really mean when she is upset with you, she may even say she wishes she is back with them. Just let her vent and get those feelings out. She has had and will have a lot to deal with. I know you are a very warm, loving person and at times all you will be able to do is to hug her and let her know you are there for her. Things may go along just great for a couple months and you may come to another bumpy spot in the road. To me that just means she is falling in love with you and she is scared of yet another rejection. I know and you know that won't happen but she doesn't know that. She will test you and try you and see how you react. She has loved and lost a lot for someone so young and she is bound to be mixed up.

I hope this has helped some. I felt like maybe my experiences could shed some new light on this for you. Keep up the good work. You are an awesome Mom.

Muriel

[mckenna]

muriel, again you are always able to express the feelings of not only fp's but also fchildren. thanks for that.

and, i knew your car would be totaled. any time air bags deploy it is almost certain to be totalled. sucks, i know!

ok, question of today?????

what is the first thing you would do if you won a million dollars??

have my home remodeled and go to disney with tommy!

[melon161]

Good Morning ladies,

Jewel, hang in there, I know you're doing the best you can and you're doing a fine job.

Muriel, I'm sorry your car is totalled, but just think, now you can get a new one!!!! Ya Ya Ya

Mckenna, The first thing I'd do with a million dollars is give some to mine and Stacey's family and then I'd buy a house and a new vehicle and a camper and take a long vacation!

Stacy

[MomofKaden]

Muriel, you have a good way with words and I like that you can give advice and sound so compassionate and non-judgmental Oh, and bummer about your car...McKenna is right if those air bags deploy you are pretty much done for - they are outrageous to replace. I hope you have some good insurance and can get a great new vehicle!!

McKenna...you are fun - that is a great question...a million bucks huh?! Well, I think first thing I'd do is quit my job! ha! I would definitely have a big family if there were no financial concerns...I would get to work on baby #2 immediately and start planning for #3 and #4!!! I would also take hubby on an amazing vacation...he REALLY wants to travel all over...he wants to go back to Brazil where he lived for a year in high school (he was a Rotary exchange student). He also wants to go to Japan and we want to go to Mongolia to visit my brother and his wife and their two boys. I want to show Europe to Jason too - I've been a couple of times, but he hasn't...I'd take him to London and show him all the sites. It would be fun to go to Germany too, since we are both primarily of German ancestry. Uhhh...Ok, yes, I really liked that question!!!! he he he

Well, I have to go in to work today, so gotta run.

[melon161]

Wow Jess, that wasn't a hard question to answer for you at all, was it! LOL

I want to win a million dollars but I have to start buying lottery tickets first! LOL

Stacy

[ermiller]

I think the forum went crazy or Stacy is a wee bit forgetful since it has her post on here three time

Muriel- I would definitely look on the bright side that you weren't hurt and you do get a new (or new to you) car! Great insight on being a foster mom and dealing with foster kids. I think it takes a special group of people to be good foster parents and it sounds like you guys really do the right thing (you too Mckenna & B!)

Jewel- I'm glad things are working well with A. I can't imagine the feelings and emotions she must be having but just being supportive and loving her is probably the best thing you can do!

okay- the question of the day-
A million dollars....
Pay off all my debts, take a portion and split it equally between our families, quit my job and take a long vacation in Europe- particularly England, Scotland, & France, invest some, and give some to charity, and plan for our future adoptions!

Natalie is great. She is in her 3-6 month clothes and has slept in her crib for the last 3 nights instead of in the cradle in our room. I think it was harder for mommy to have her sleep in the other room than for her She is becoming so much more interactive with us. Every time I look at her, I cannot believe she is ours (only two weeks until revocation period is up)!

All right I am at work, so off I go- blah!
Erin

Okay so by the time I posted, Stacy had corrected the craziness LOL!!

[melon161]

Erin, I think you're right, I am a little crazy! But I don't know why my post came on three times. LOL Freaky.

How much does Natalie weigh?

I was gonna tell all you scrapbookers. I was on this scrapbooking website yesterday and found some adoption embellishments and stuff. The website is www.scrapandtell.com if you're interested. I thought it was pretty cool since I have never found any adoption stuff. Mckenna, there's this die cut of a judge holding a certificate. i thought that'd be perfect for your guys' picture with the judge.

Stacy

[coachmur]

If I had a million bucks I would definately go on some nice vacations with my family. We would also be able to help our kids a lot more with their college educations. As it is they are paying their own way. I guess I would probably buy a hummer and maybe then when I run into a tractor it will dent the tractor, not my car! LOL I would love to build a big gym on our church for AWANA and for fellowship meals, etc. I would go to the Super Bowl and watch the Eagles!!!!!!! GO EAGLES!

Somehow I can't get too excited about buying a new car. We have only had that one 9 months. I am worried we won't get enough to pay the loan off. My dh and I are in the midst of discussing what the next purchase should be. We have a 96 Suburban with lots of miles. We are thinking we should trade it in and have only one vehicle. But we need a four wheel drive some times in the winter just to get out of and back into where we live. And four wheel drives are more expensive to buy, drive, upkeep, etc. I guess we will figure something out. At least the car wasn't our only vehicle so I do have something to drive. Enough about my problems huh.

Muriel

[JewelMarie]

Muriel, thank you for sharing your story with me. There are moments when I want to scream at all that is happening, but those are just my way of adjusting to all these changes. As of yet, I have not purposefully done anything to hurt A.'s foster mom. I have allowed their relationship and expression to continue. With expection to not calling last night(social worker's request), we have maintained a decent relationship to date. I am quite mindful of what this lady is going through as I have some sense of it, being familiar with the foster care and adoptive system. However, I realized that I need to set some boundaries for myself on what I am willing to accept.

It is not her love for A. that I am questioning, it is more of how she is treating A. now that she is moving. Her anger is displaying in ways that are becoming emotionally harmful to A. This is the area of great concern for all. I can only hope and pray that when A. goes back on Friday for those last two weeks that she will be okay. Last week when she returned after a 2 days visit, we had an emotionally shut down child. She said, "mom, I had to hide my joy because everytime I showed it, I got yelled at and sent to my room." Today A. said to me, "mom, I can't wait to come live here forever." THis is the first time that she openly said that without my asking how she felt. This is a major stepping stone for her and I celebrate with her. However, the realities of having to prepare her for those two weeks will come on Thursday night and Friday morning, for now we are focusing on today.

The original plan was to maintain weekly contact with A.'s foster mom. We are currently revamping this plan to maybe holidays, and birthday; if the relationship with the foster mom improves, then we will look at monthly contact. The social worker who will be incharge of this case once A. comes home is more concern with A. focusing on transfering her bond to me, rather than A. taking care of her foster mom's feelings. A. likes to care for everyone and make everyone happy.

There are days where I feel like I am just along for the ride. This week I am sleeping well because my daughter is home and I don't have to worry. Only God knows what will happen next week.

Jewel.

[coachmur]

Jewel, I would hope that she (fm) would never take her anger out on your daughter, although it seems that she is doing just that. Also sending her to room for a "long time" is unreasonable in my opinion. Just continue to do what you feel is right with your daughter and it will work out. I realized after I wrote to you that it may seem that I was questioning you and that wasn't the case at all. I do feel the pain the foster mom is going through, yet I think that she should overlook her pain and do what is best for your daughter. I wanted to clarify too that our contact with our little foster girls is by phone only as we are a few states apart. I would recommend only phone contact for awhile even if you are a closer distance. That does allow time for bonding between you two, and if they only talked on the phone every week or two you could have some idea of what went on between them. When our little girls tell us they miss us we always tell them that we miss them too, but then go on to ask them questions about their new family, what they have been up to, etc. We tell them how happy we are that they have such a wonderful family now.

I would only hope for the same relationship between you and "a's" foster mom but she would have to change her attitude for that to work. I hope she doesn't badmouth you in the next couple weeks, making the transition more difficult. Your case has made me realize how truly fortunate we were with ours.

Keep your chin up. You and only you know what is right for your child and I can tell you will protect her like none other. I am in awe of you for being willing to put your heart on the line with your new daughter and I feel like she is one lucky little girl.

I will be praying for you both.

Muriel

[Karen24]

Well what happened after 2003? Do you ever get on the computer to finish your journal. Now I am very curious and I look forward to your response. Karen