[sherryk]

I think it is so interesting when waiting couples "change their mind" on who they are waiting for. By this I mean that we usually have a "criteria" on the child of our dreams. For example, boy/girl, baby/ 0-2 or older, medical issues, drug exposure, visitations with birthparents, ect. I think it is important to be open, but also to have an idea of what you and your family can handle.

Our family spent the weekend camping with another couple that has adopted. It was interesting talking with her because she and her husband changed their mind of the gender of the child they were searching for. They wanted a girl (they had a boy already) but then fell in love with a beautiful little boy. It's amazing to see their family and how this little boy completes it.

Anyone changing your mind lately?

Blessings while you wait,
sherryk
moderator

[melon161]

Hi Sherry,

I think it's amazing that I just came across your thread. My husband and I were matched with the little girl that we had applied for and we were so very excited. However, we met with her social worker and foster mom and teachers yesterday and the meetings were not what we had planned and now we are feeling really down. We don't know what to do and we feel like bad people for having second guesses.

The little girl we wanted has Fetal Alchohol Syndrom. We knew that going in and were told that she was about a year behind in almost everything and that was okay with us. Yesterday at our meetings we found out that she is more then a year behind and that there are other factors contributing to her disablities that we didn't know about. Now we are having second thoughts on weather this is more then we can handle or not.

I feel terrible, I don't know what to do, I can't stop crying. I've wanted this for so long and now I don't know if it's what I can do. I definetly want to adopt, I just don't know if this is the child for us.

Please somebody help me sort out my feelings.

Thanks,

Stacy

[cj416]

One of the first things our worker told us was "don't jump at the first child your matched with just because your affraid that child is your only chance." She told us if it does not feel right, then we should say no. I know it's hard, but if you don't feel like it's right than it probably isn't. There is a child out there for you.
Don't jump at this one in fear of no other children being there. It would not be good for you or the child. I guess all I can say is if your heart isn't in this one, then she may not be the one meant for your family. I am sorry.
Good luck and keep the faith.

[sherryk]

Dear Stacy,

I can feel your emotions in your post. It is the hardest thing feeling like you are letting down a child that needs a home. Also, it is difficult feeling like you weren't told the truth about this little girl's development.

Listen to your heart. It's OK to say "no" to this child. There could be another couple out there better equipped to handle this child just waiting for her. I'm not saying this to put you down in any way... you said yourself "you are having second thoughts on whether you can handle this or not."

Just because you say "no" to this child doesn't mean there won't be another child in your near future. A couple from our support group said "no" to a sibling group because the boy had bipolar disorder and was hiding in a closet most of their home visit. The girl was wonderful. They felt horrible saying no. For one reason, they desired to know/love the little girl. A couple months later, they were matched with two beautiful little girls. It is a wonderful match! Their eyes shine when talking about their girls (they were looking for a boy at first.)

Blessings to you! Please post again! You have support and encouragement here!

sherryk
moderator

[melon161]

Sherry,

Thank you for your heart-felt reply. I didn't think you were puttin gme down in any way. I agree with you and that's why I'm having such a hard time with this. I feel like I'm being selfish and it's a horrible feeling.

I'll let you know what we decide. Again thanks for the support.

Stacy

[karabur]

We are going international. Viet Nam we hope we first wanted a girl but felt that was wrong for US we both always wanted a son. So we changed from girl to open. This means more likely for a boy but we are happy with this.

[mckenna]

i had a big change of mind. i went into foster care with the intention of only fostering, then i decided that if i had a little girl that became available for adoption, i would probably consider adoption (since i am single, i thought a girl would be a better fit). to make a long story short, 4 years later i am completing the adoption of my son!! who knew? i would not change a thing! sometimes we don't know what is right for us until it falls in our laps! (literally)