[MomTo1]

Hi everyone...

My husband and I have submitted our application for our second domestic adoption. We need to have another full home study done again. We received our packet of information and last night as we are sitting at the kichen table, after we have put our daughter to bed, we started filling out all the forms. My husband was getting sad and overwhelmed with all the paperwork again. I had to gently remind him that while we don't have ultrasounds, blood work and morning sickness, we do have forms, fingerprints and home inspections. Neither path is an easy one so let's just enjoy this process, and see what God blesses us with.

We are not telling family yet and have told only a few close friends that we had to use on the application for references. We made the mistake last time of telling everyone and the whole time everyone kept asking us nosey questions and giving us their opinions. This time, we have decided to handle it differently.

Is anyone else out there just beginning again. Our daughter just turned 2 in May and we are hoping for another open adoption. Anyone in the same shoe's?

[HappyTwinsMom]

Our daughters just turned 2 in May, as well, and we just submitted our deposit and home study update to the agency to go for our next adoption. We're requesting a boy this time, so are prepared for a longer-than-average wait, but we're excited! Because we're using the same agency we did with our daughters, we just had to update the home study and didn't have to fill out all the same forms again. It's such a relief to be working with people we've worked with before. We know their style and feel very safe and comfortable with them.

Blessings!

[MomTo1]

"Our daughters just turned 2 in May, as well, and we just submitted our deposit and home study update to the agency to go for our next adoption."

GREAT!!! Now I have someone to share our "war" stories with


" Because we're using the same agency we did with our daughters, we just had to update the home study and didn't have to fill out all the same forms again. It's such a relief to be working with people we've worked with before. We know their style and feel very safe and comfortable with them. "

You are so lucky. We are using the same agency again but they are requiring us to have another Full homestudy plus we have to attend some of their educational classes again. It does help to work with an agency you are comfortable with.

What is your next step? WE are waiting to be assigned to a home study group?

[lemonchutney]

MomTo1,

I'm not an amom, so I hope you don't mind my response. I just want to congratulate you on your decision and wish you the best of luck. From what I know of you, you are an awesome mommy. My little boy will be two in September. Isn't this a wondrous age?

Best wishes,
LC

[MomTo1]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so excited to have the opportunity to raise another child. Two is a wonderful age. Everything is so new and they are beginning to talk and explore things. My greatest joy in life is being a mother. I can't wait to see how my child reacts to a little sister or brother. She just loves babies now and can't seem to stay away from them.

We are planning on having another open adoption. I am scared that a birthmother might not want visits. I do not want to have one child know their birthparents and the other child not to. Does that make sense?

How can I make sure that the expectant Mom who picks us has every intention of staying in contact? I don't want to come across demanding, but I do have to talk about it with her. I know I am getting ahead of myself here, just preparing for all the unexpected.

Thanks again for your kind words. You made me smile. Hugs to you! (((((((((((((((LC)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[lemonchutney]

>>How can I make sure that the expectant Mom who picks us has every intention of staying in contact?

Hmm. Good question. As an adoptee in closed adoption, obviously I'm no expert, but I do have a few ideas.

I'm guessing pre-adoption communication is key, but with all the emotions flying about it must be hard to objectively evaluate someone's true feelings and intentions. If I were you, I'd try to schedule a joint counseling session for all of you with an objective third party who is familiar with post-adoption emotions and open adoption. This should be someone who is not involved with this particular adoption and doesn't have an interest in seeing it go through.

Or if this isn't possible, I'd get advice from bmothers who have changed their minds about openness, post-adoption, and try to find out their reasons for changing their minds. Then you chould use this info as a launching point for discussion with the p-birthmother.

Are there any good books about open adoption? You could take a book club approach: Both read the book at the same time and then casually discuss the topics in the book over lunch.

Another idea...what if you could get the bmother of your two-year-old together with the p-birthmother and all of you could discuss open adoption together.

With any luck, this way you'd be digging under any surface-level support for open adoption and getting a peek into any underlying concerns. Then you'd have the opportunity to try to address those concerns before they become a problem.

LC

[Mommy2amiracle]

Hello, All!

We are contemplating starting the process again. Our ds is 9.5 months old. Our attorney said that typically, the wait time for a second child is 18 months to 2 years. Plus, my husband is not too comfortable with a very open adoption. When we were waiting for ds, we said semi-open (ie meet prior to the birth and then letters, pictures, etc...). I have the same worry as MomTo1 as our ds' adoption is closed per his birthparents request and I'm worried if his younger sibling has more access to their birthfamily how that would make him feel

I'm also struggling with even trying for a second child because we are so in love with ds, but I guess all first time parents go through this

I'll be checking this board to get advice and learn!

Mommy2amiracle

[stacyone]

Our dd is 17 months old now and I've started thinking, "What if...?" My dh is convinced that he could never love another baby like he does our daughter, but people who have two kids generally say things like "You grow a second heart".

We've decided that we're not going to actively pursue another adoption. Our first one sort of fell in our laps after we'd taken some time off the whole ttc/adopt thing, so I figure if it's meant to be, it'll happen again. Or maybe we'll get the really strong urge to start all the paperwork...

We are pretty darn happy with our little peanut. I never knew I could be so in love.

[mom2j&d]

First off I'ed like to say congrats to those who are going for their second adoption! What an exciting time. Waiting to welcome a new baby into your home and hearts is exciting wether you are waitilng to give birth to your baby or waiting for someone else too! I wish you all the best of luck on your upcoming additions!!

Stacyone,

Just want you to know that I understand how you and your dh feel. when we adopted my older son we weren't prepared for how much love is in your heart for something so small. I was blessed to have been in the delivery room and see my little man come into the world. How does it get any better that that. We were pretty sure he would be an only child. First off, we didn't know if we could afford a second adoption and secondly, like you, we were afraid we couldn't love any other child the way we do our first.

When my son was 14mths old we found out from our attorney that my son's bmom was pg again and wanted us to adopt her baby. We were both nervouse and excited. I remember holding my son at night and rocking him to sleep while I cried. I wasn't sure I could look at this new baby and have my heart over flow with love. I was afraid my son wouldn't get all of my time and attention. I had a ton of mixed emotions. My son's bmom was already 7mths along so we had to start preparing oursellves.

To make a long story short, I was blessed to have been in the delivery room again and watch our second miricale come into the world. The moment they put him in my arms all my fears flew out the window. I couldn't bellieve how my heart filled with all the love I didn't even know I had. I couldn't imagine my life without either of my boys!! They are my reason for living!!!!!!!!!!!

God works in mysterious ways. We were prepared to not adopt again after my first son but God had other plans. Before I lay my head down at night I thank him for unanswered prayers!!

[MomTo1]

What a wonderful post. You touched me so much.

I had those fears about not loving another child as much, then I realized that so many people who have more then one, say the same thing you do. You can't imagine NOT having them.

Thank you for sharing your story with Stacey and with us all.

Hugs to you

[cathy102]

my daughter will be one in 2 weeks. We have our homestudy updated and are adopting again. I have one agency that I want to use but our Adoption Attorney is looking at the paper work. If that one don't work out. Please let me know who you guys are using...

Thank you,

Cathy

[lambeausam]

Momto1 -

Looks like you're going to have to change your screen name! Our family is on "Here we go again - Part Deux." Best wishes to you!

[MomTo1]

Hi everyone...

We are busy with our paperwork for the home study. We met with the agency on Thursday and started the ball rolling. They told us to prepare for a longer wait the second time around. We dug through all our old homestudy papers and are rewriting and editing the information to redo on the new forms. We have the family physicals scheduled, the accountant has the financial statement, the FBI has our request for release of information, etc, etc, etc. My hubby and I haven't had time to redo our bio's yet but plan to complete that this weekend. I'm pleasantly surprised at the initiative my husband has taken and seems to be in good spirits this time around. He even told the social worker that he can't wait to add another child to our family.

Where is everyone else? Still deciding on an agency, initial paperwork, waiting for classes, homestudy complete, in the books, or searching??

Hugs to all

[debsdone]

Hi everyone! Congrats to those "expecting" to adopt again, how cool! FYI.....Getting pregnant with, and having another baby brings the same fears of not loving another child as much. NOT TO WORRY!!!! It is amazing how it happens. It is actually easier after the first, as the love you feel for the first is like a blueprint for things to come. Geez, how exciting! And "being in love" is exactly how I always thought of my babies. You just want to stare and share and squeeze, right? Ok, so I nibble too, LOL. Good Luck! Love, Debi

[withopenarms]

I love all your little stories . I didn't realize until scrolling down and realized that I was smiling from ear to ear reading these. I too wanted to share my fears and joys.
I am a mom to three. My oldest son and daughter our biological children and yes when I was pg with my daughter I was so worried I would love her as much as my son. I just couldn't see how. Until I helt her Now my second son (home grown in someone else tummy but in our hearts) I again questioned myself and wondered what if I didn't love him as much etc. etc. As soon as I saw him I was in love !!! It is so awesome how God gives us the ability to love and love more and never be full.
sometimes my kids will ask me who I love more and I just smile and tell them I love them all the same and that with every child my heart just gets bigger and bigger. It is also so cool to see how unconditional my kids love eachother too.

Good luck to all of you