[Damarius]

We are in our 40s, soon to be married. We recognize and appreciate the need to wait for our marriage to get underway before becoming parents, at the same time, however, we do not want to wait *too long* before "delivery." At our ages, 2 years (which seems like the standard wait time) would mean a greater difference than if we were younger.

Obviously, we need to get through the wedding first before doing much about adoption, but we are still beginning to think about the process -- what agencies might be good to work with (we are strong evangelical Christians) and timelines.

Does anyone know of an agency that might be good for us to work with? A domestic adoption would obviously be more convenient, but we are okay with a child/ren from other countries as well. We are open to chil/ren with special needs -- depending on what those special needs might be.

[Peachy0301]

Hi Damarius!

We are in a similiar situation, my husband is 36 and I will soon be 43. We were just married this past March. The two years is longer than we are hoping to have to wait as well. I always wanted to be young enough so that my kids would enjoy me as much as I will enjoy them. I've looked at several places and found a couple but the info is at home. I will try to see what I can find and give you the names!

Good luck!

Marta

[Damarius]

Thanks. That would be helpful. Both of us are young for our ages, very healthy and active, but we still don't want to have a huge generation gap (we are 40 and 44). We still need to get through the wedding and the first year together -- we know that there will be adjustments. But as we are adjusting to each other, we want to make sure that we do things "right" so that a speedy adoption takes place after that.

I've just looked at New Hope and Bethany (web sites online) -- both of them require 2 year waiting times. I wonder if there are any that might only require 1 year? That would be our ideal wait time (somewhat similar to the wait time we would likely experience if we were able to have biological children!).

Perhaps a smaller organization would be better? Should we be looking at local groups, crisis pregancy centers, etc? The smaller groups concern me, however -- seems like the potential for something to go wrong would be far greater.

[DianeS]

Don't forget to check and see at what point in the process you'd have to have been married for that number of years. It's possible they'll let you do many of the requirements and just not formally licence you until you've hit that official length of marriage mark.

That's what a couple in my state foster care classes is doing - getting all the paperwork and training and homestudy done now, they just know they won't be issued their licence until the younger partner's 21st birthday this winter. But they're just glad they didn't have to wait until they met all the requirements before they could even *start* the process.

Don't forget that you'll have to choose an agency anyway - so calling around and asking everyone for their information packets now would be a good step. Age limits and length of marriage required should be covered in those, so you'd know if there were any who would take you sooner than others. And you'd already have all the packets so you could go ahead and make your "which agency is for us" decision early.

Good luck!

[browntap]

I have to agree with the previous poster. Start calling around and asking for requirements and info packets. It can take a year just to pick an agency! Plus now would be a great time to sit down and completely discuss what you are willing to take on, such as ages, genders, sibling groups, race, possibly decide (if domestic) which states are better for you, etc. We would like to adopt in our home state, but we are willing to possible go through other states where we have family members living, to help defray the cost of travel and hotel accomodations while we wait for the interstate compact. Another major point is to determine your budget. That has been a huge stumbling block for us. We are determined to work within a certain budget and continue looking around to find agencies that we can adopt through for under 10K. Good luck on your journey!
Tammi

[wannabeamommy]

My husband and I were married just a little over two years ago. It became apparent quit early that adoption was the plan for us. We knew that we could not be approved till the 2 year mark (with our agency) but we did start the paper work etc. We had it all done so that on our anniverssary everything was ready to go. We have officially been approved and waiting for 2 weeks now! DH and I are now officially expecting parents! Yeah! (we just don't know when our little bundle of joy will arrive) I know we are just begining here but I am so happy to finally be waiting to be chosen. So my advice is do all you can now and then when you get closer to being approved you will have less stress and less of a rush to finish everything.

Good luck on this wonderful journey!

Rachel

[GlamRock]

I was looking specifically for an agency that had no marital requirements (we're an unmarried couple). If you look for agencies that accept gay and lesbian couples, they generally have fewer marriage-specific rules (they go by strength/length of relationship etc).

So it can be done, it pays to call around!




EDIT: WOW!!!! I didn't see how old this thread is!!!

Sorry!