[blairnpam]

Hello everyone;
This is my first time writing here. I have read many articles and responses. I am impressed with the sincerity and the help that is given.
My wife and I have a three year old daughter and since before we were married we both wanted to adopt. Difficulties and odds during the pregnancy cause us not to attempt to have another child and solidifies our belief that we should adopt. We wanted to wait until our daughter was four and adopt an older child (8-10yo).
If there is anyone out there that has any advice on introduction of an older child into their home with a younger child currently residing there it would be greatly appreciated. We are curious about how to go about introduction for the benefit of both the older and younger child. We would like to make transition as easy as possible for both children.
Thank you,
blairnpam.

[Linny]

Most adoptive couples will tell you that to adopt 'out of the birthorder' is tricky, indeed. When adopting a child that is older, there are many, many issues that this child must deal with. Even if the couples have been told that the child has had no 'sexual or physical abuse'.....often is the time that couples will find out otherwise----after placement.
It would probably be unwise, therefore, to subject your daughter to an older, and certainly 'much wiser' child.

There is also the issue of your daughter's placement within the family. She is accustomed to being the only and oldest. It may be very hard for her to adjust to then, being the youngest---with the introduction of an older sib.

And, many couples will tell you that 'the older the child......the tendency for that child to have much more baggage with them'. This has certainly been the case within our family. Issues do not go away after time----and sometimes the issues become bigger over time. Adopting an older child takes adoption to a different level...in that often the parents cannot just 'be parents'.....but must continually be the counselors as well. This is fine and good for many----but it can't be overlooked that this type of parenting requires a LOT of time. Time that will take away from your younger daughter; and being younger (only four or five)....this may be very difficult for her to realize.

Bottom line: stay within the birthorder. Adopt only children, at this point, that would be younger than the daughter you already have. Waiting for youger children may take longer.....but will more than likely be quite worth it in the end for your entire family.

Sincerely,

Linny
Moderator of 'Adopting Again' forum and
Momma to six children:.......international infants, older, special needs, and infant domestic transracial. .....and...hoping to adopt 'one more'. )