[mintshastagrape]

as a birthmom i cant believe how much it costs to adopt a child. i can see paying for the homestudy and medicals and the attorneys. but its outrageous for other things. for my child i want a family who has no children and a home possibly a home in the country. i want them to be educated from college or a trade school. i want them to love animals. i want them to have enough money for vacations and have animals and enough food to eat and the money to give their child some extras.

[Sharon]

I agree with the post above. The amount of money it costs to adopt a child is obscene. I'm a birthmother, and I can tell you right now that NONE of that money goes to birthmothers; not that any legitimate birthmother would ask for or expect money out of the adoptive parents anyway. The most you should reasonably be expected to pay for is (possibly) the medical costs and the legal fees. And it's easy enough for ANY pregnant woman to get on Medicaid and spare you the medical expense...then you could save the money and spend it on the baby instead. And furthermore I wouldn't be at all surprised if legal aid would handle the adoption paperwork for free, particularly if the birthmother qualified as low-income or indigent. I'm sure my post will be deleted because it isn't "proper" to say these things on a forum sponsered by adoption agencies, but the cost is outrageous. Truly. The birthmothers don't benefit from this money, and neither do the adoptive parents, and neither does the child. I just find this so aggravating! Thousands of dollars for what amounts to a trumped-up dating service. That money should go to the child. There must be a way to eliminate the "middle-man". Oh well, excuse me...I'm just venting. I sympathize intensely with your plight and I wish you the best of luck. I'm sorry that something priceless comes with such a terribly high price tag attached. My hopes are with you. Sincerely, Sharon

[mintshastagrape]

i personally dont qualify for medicaid. its because i work. they said if i quit my job i could get it. i know alot of people who cant get medicaid. my cousin who is 17 cant get medicaid. she is due with her baby next week and she is parenting the child. they told her she cant get medicaid cause she lives at home and her family is rich. some of my friends cant even get medicaid. they told my friends that they can get medicaid for their kids but not for themselves.

[DonnaLynn]

Does your work offer medical benefits? Because if you are working and you are told you do not qualify for medicaid then it usually is because you are making enough to pay for medical benefits through your job. It is rare if your in a lower income that you would not be able to use some of the social service benefits available. Please have this double and triple checked to be sure your not being decieved.

As to your cousin, do her parents have her on their medical program? If not and she is not getting medical benefits from some other source there should be no reason she should not recieve medicaid for her pregancy. Check on this.

If I remember right it was passed not so many months ago that ALL pregnant women recieve pre-natal care if they do not get it through a HMO or some type of work offered medical benefits program.

Good Luck and best wishes,

DonnaLynn

[mintshastagrape]

yes my cousin does get medical insurance from her parents. the social services told her her parents are responsible for her until she is 18. my work does offer medical benefits but its more than i can afford. i make $200 a week after taxes. the social services told me i cant get it because of my income of $200 a week after taxes and because i live at home with my parents. also social services told my cousin they would base it on her income if she was still living at home at 18 and she could get medicaid if she had to pay rent to her parents at the age of 18. the health insurance at my job is $500 per month and i cant afford that. if i paid for it i would only have $300 to live on a month.

Hi PaulaB,

I haven't posted in awhile, but have managed to keep in touch via e-mail with quite a few women on these boards. I have always found this to be a very supportive place.

My husband and I chose domestic adoption because we wanted close contact with a birthmom and for the child to know his/her roots. Costs, as well as time frame vary in domestic adoption. I personally think it is unbelievable what adoptive families have to pay and feel that a large portion of the money should go to helping a birthmom. I have to stop here since I don't want to get banned or have my post deleted. I think Sharon has put it all in her post and very eloquently I might add!

International adoption ranges from $15,000-$30,000. Also quite costly but you are guaranteed a child.

Listen to these lovely ladies. Don't give up hope. It will happen. The very best to you!

[mintshastagrape]

the costs of living and the cost of adoption is outrageous. its expensive to live and to adopt.

[sherryk]

Adoption has many costs...money, time, patience, perseverence, ect. How much "cost" we are willing to give depends on who we are as people and our resources. Sometimes, we have to "give" a little more here or there.

...some things to think about.

We all know that adoption CAN BE expensive...OR it doesn't have to be. Our adoption costs were basically for our home study, physicals, fingerprints, ect...all for less than $1000. Yes, we did fost/adopt. Our beautiful daughter was in our home at 9 months of age. I know not everyone can or should do fost/adopt, but if money is the core reason you are not adopting...then there is a program for you to have a child(ren) in your home.

As for birthmother adoption, yes, that also can be expensive. You, as the adoptive couple, NEED to do your homework. There are agencies out there who don't ask for outrageous fees. Check into non-profit agencies.

International adoption can also have high fees. There are programs that help adoptive couples with finances in order to bring a child home. Search adopting.org and you can get ideas.

Sometimes, I think we become so desperate (I'm including myself) that we are willing to do almost anything to get our heart's desire. After seeing how much international adoption cost, we had to change our route to adoption to fost/adopt. My desire was for an Asian girl. Yes, a miracle did happen. My Asian daughter is from the US foster care system.

Prayer is a powerful thing! My husband and I pray every night together. We started doing this when we were waiting for our little girl to come into our lives.

Blessings to all of you,
sherryk
moderator

[mintshastagrape]

sometimes there is more fees then expected when a birthmom cant work due to high risk pregnancy and sometimes her medicals have to be paid or her copays need to be paid. her legals have to be paid.

[sherryk]

Mintshastagrape,

Maybe you can get some great ideas from our birthmother forums. You raise some good points...as an adoptive mom, I can't answer. You can get "expert" advice and encouragement there.

Warm regards,
sherryk
moderator

[mintshastagrape]

thats what the boards are for is to raise some good points. people can learn from one another and share issues and stuff.

[sherryk]

You are right...I just want to make sure you are on the forum that can meet your needs.

Take care,
sherryk
moderator

[mintshastagrape]

i go to the different forums to read and see if theres anything interesting on them and learn from them and see if the posters can learn from me too.