[susannashlie]

I would like to find out what I need to do to get my ex husbands rights taken from him so my husband now can adopt my son who hes been with since he was 9 months old. I have no clue where my ex is, hes $8,371 behind in child support. Ive talk to a lawyer and they want alot of money to do it, so we thought we could do it ourselfs and save money. We just need to know what paper work we need? The lawyer doesnt seem to want to help us with that part even though i told her i would pay her for the papers. I need the papers for taking his rights, the adoption and the name change, I just dont know where to get them or where to start to look for them or if those are the only papers that we need. Any help would be great. Thanks you so much Ashley

[Lumpkin]

Shop around for attorneys, you should be able to find one who will work for a reasonable rate. I had been expecting to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of $10k-$15k just by what people had told me, but found attorneys that were offering to do the adoption process for $500 - $1500 pretty easily. The TPR will be a bit more work for the attorney, but I'm betting that you can find someone who can do it all for $2k-$3k easily enough.

While I've seen the forms for DIY adoption, I haven't seen the TPR forms online (although I've seen the paperwork from a lawyer). In my opinion, this is something that you want to pay the money to get done right. If you mess it up (even just a "little"), it could end up being a terrible messy thing.

[susannashlie]

What is the TPR Papers?

[Lumpkin]

I hate it when people use acronyms, because I never seem to catch what they are saying.. and then I just did it! Sorry about that :/

TPR stands for Termination of Parental Rights. You need to terminate the birth father's parental rights to the child legally in order for your husband to legally adopt the child. This is a process that has to occur before you can petition the courts for adoption. The termination process is very important to be done correctly, or the father can contest it (maybe even years later). After termination, you'll still have to wait a period of time (weeks/months?) incase the father wants to contest the termination.

From my readings, and some experience within our extended family, parents don't like involuntary termination of rights (which is probably what you're looking at since he isn't cooperating), because the termination would state on a legal document that the parent abandoned the child. That wording makes the parent feel offended, I suppose, and may actually affect their ability to adopt a child or retain custody of a a child under certain circumstances in the future.

You might get the birth father to sign voluntary termination of rights papers, if you offer to forgive past child support (if that is within your power), and also remind him that termination of rights would release him from all future child support requirements. If he voluntarily signs the papers, it would be much easier/cheaper for you to get this process done.

[susannashlie]

Thank you very much. Do you know where these forms are availble? anywhere other then a lawyer? we are trying to do this on our own.

[Lumpkin]

From the paperwork I've seen, there aren't really any standard forms. There may be some standard things that need to be included in the petition, but it's not like downloading a "do it yourself will" or something like that.

The Termination of Parental Rights petition would be unique to your particular case, since the reason for the termination would be specific to the actions (inaction) of the parent. The adoption petition itself may be more standard since the specifics would include the same general pieces of information.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to do this correctly. The adoption is pretty standard and you can probably find some examples, but TPR, I'm not sure. I think I'd scrimp and save enough to get a lawyer to handle this for you so that you don't have to hire a special lawyer for 10 times the original amount in order to fix the mess that got created by doing something wrong the first time.

If you insist in doing it yourself, go to google and search on "do it yourself adoption". There are plenty of resources, but you'll need to read up on which ones are the best alternatives for your situation.

[susannashlie]

Thank you so much for your help.

[BrandyHagz]

I cannot stress enough how important it is to do this correctly.

Yes! Correctly is the key. DO NOT MENTION MONEY AT ALL!. Leave that up to the courts and the attorneys. Custodial Parents DO NOT have the ability to 'forgive' back child support when support is ordered by the court. Stating that you can can be seen as coercion and could be grounds to have it overturned, when you get to court and find the judge is unwilling or unable (more and more courts are requiring support to be handled by a different court) to forgive the back support owed.

It is better and far more legally sound to just leave it up to the courts.

I told my son's biological father that I would not contest forgiveness of back support...but only when he specifically asked about it. I made sure he was aware that it was totally OUT of my hands.

That hasn't stopped him from trying everything in his power (except going the legal route, which I have already said I would not contest) to stop paying support (not that he currently or has ever paid)...including threatening to have the adoption overturned, which he can't do, because I never made a conditional promise based on his cooperation.

The judge in my son's step parent adoption refused to hear anything regarding the back support owed when I asked about it. He advised me that support would need to be addressed in another case, in another court.