[Archive]

Originally Posted By Dee

My fiance' and I have been together for over 5 years. His ex-girlfriend voluntarily gave him custody of their son about four months after we began living together. At first she visited and called on a regular basis, then the visits and calls became few and far between. Eventually the visits were at her convenience only. She didn't even call in advance to make arrangements. She thought she could call the same day she wanted to see him. Sometimes we refused to let her see him because we had other plans. In turn, she accused us of not allowing her to see him. But that wasn't the case at all. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. We did a lot of research on the subject, and found that children with ADHD need routine most of all. It came to a point where we told her that she either had to be a part of his life all the time and on a regular basis or not at all. She still couldn't get her **** together. It had been a year and three months since she had seen or talked to him when out of the blue she called. We wouldn't let her talk to him. Then two months later (around Christmas time) she called again. He wasn't at home when she called, but we wouldn't have allowed her to talk to him anyway. It has been two years and seven months since she has seen him or spoken to him. In my opinion, if she really wanted to be a mother to him, she would have attempted to contact him more than twice. We will be married soon, and I want to adopt him. I feel I am his mother. My fiance' works away from the home all week and is only home on weekends and holidays. She knew that when she gave custody to him. We mentioned adoption to her, thinking she would gladly do it, since she doesn't like paying child support. But, she refused. Yes, she does pay child support, but she isn't consistent with that either. For the first 6 months, she paid nothing. He took her to domestics. After she received the papers, she quit her job. She only paid the state minimum. She started working part time and he began receiving more support. She got a full time (good paying) job. When we found out(not from her or domestics), he requested a modification. She was injured at work and wasn't able to get compensation. He received no support at all for 3 months with no explanation whatsoever from her or domestics. Finally, there was a modification hearing. She was released to go back to work, but they didn't have a job for her, so she was eligible for unemployment. He was notified of a modification hearing in October. She was working part time again. He got his last support check in December. Since then, nothing. And once again, no explanation as to why. At every hearing she tells the hearing officer that he refuses to let her see her son and she threatens that she's going to get an attorney so she can have visitation. She'll never change. Once we're married, I'd like to adopt "my son". I wonder what our chances are of getting a judge to terminate her parental rights and grant the adoption. Does anyone have a similar experience that they can tell me about? Can anyone recommend a good attorney? I think that may make all the difference. We're so afraid the jugde won't grant the adoption and instead she'll end up with strict visitation rights that we are forced to follow. Right now, the custody papers say "as mutually agrred upon by both parties". So as of right now, we aren't violating any orders of the court, because they cannot agree. Can anyone help?