[mar691]

I need help please . This is out story . My husband Adopted my daughter when she was 2 and she just turned 14 how do we tell her. I was in a relationship with her biological father for about a year and a half. Was going to be married to him on july 7th when on june 16th I found out that he had molested my other daughter (6). I of course put him in jail were he is still. Found out that I was pregnant 2 weeks later so fer father has never been a part , he was in jail by the time she was born. My husband and I met when she was a baby and he is the only man who has been in her life. We have wanted to tell her several times , because we don't want other people to be the ones. My husband says he is terrified to tell her , they are so close. I am afraid also. She is a daddy's girl and I don't want that to be ruined. And how do i look my little girl in the face and tell her that the person who molested her sister is the person she came from. What should I do. How do I even start to tell her and how do I handle it afterwards. My husband doesn't want to tell her. When I brought it up he actually cried. I don't know what to do.Please help

[LibbyHawkins]

I understand you need to be upfront and truthful.

Do these other people know who actually is her father?

Perhaps if possible just let her know in the most loving way possible that although he will always be her father, he is in reality not her biological father, although they are so much alike and have such a bond that the two you can hardly believe it.

Explain that it was a short relationship that ended badly and in the future you will share more details with her if she wishes, but right now, you just wanted to be upfront and truthful. Explain that it was unsafe for you and her sister and you fear it would still be unsafe situation if she pushes to know more. It may cause some serious issues for her and counseling, perhaps that mother and daughter could attend together might help her adjust. Even if it was just a few sessions which could possible include your husband in some part.

Very, very tough decision and situation. Good thoughts coming your way.

What are the chances of someone else informing her that he is not her biological father?

[mar691]

Most everyone who knows us , knows the truth. None of my friends or family have ever even thought about it. They all consider my husband her father. My husbands father and sister though are the ones who I believe will tell her. They have made comments that she did not catch onto. My husband has talked to them a few times and has told them that it would break his heart if she ever found out. He fell in love with her the day they met. I actually had no intentions of ever bringing a man into her life. But before we ever got married my husband asked if I would allow him to be her father. My oldest daughter has also begged me not to tell her.. This is tearing me apart and I am scared to death what it will do to my husband and daughters relationship.