[flipflop19d]

my daughter is 2 years old. her mother and i knew i wasn't the biological father but he wanted nothing to do with her. so when she was born we put my name on the birth certificate. there's never been a paternity test or anything. now he wants to try to edge his way into her life. do i hold any ground as things are right now?

[stepadoptionblog]

All he has to do is go to the courts and ask for a paternity test. Once it has been established that you are not the biological father, and he is, yes he will have parental rights.

You would have had to adopt the child in order to be the legal guardian/parent. The birth certificate is nothing more than a falsified document, since you knew that you were not the biological father when you signed it. If the father wants to push this and go to court, he will win, he still has parental rights to the child.

While it can seem threatening for the absent parent to waltz back into the child's life, perhaps he will be a good influence...sometimes it takes people quite a while to wake up and realize that they are a parent.

You could try starting with quick visits, meeting at McDonalds for lunch or so, to ease him back into the child's life.

If the biological father would not be a good influence on the child's life, then you could try for a stepparent adoption, but he would still have to agree to that.

If he is going to push the issue, the easiest thing would be to try to get along and allow him into the child's life. If he wants to be there, he is going to find a way to do it, and fighting that will only cause pain to your family.

[rbj]

Originally Posted by flipflop19d

my daughter is 2 years old. her mother and i knew i wasn't the biological father but he wanted nothing to do with her. so when she was born we put my name on the birth certificate. there's never been a paternity test or anything. now he wants to try to edge his way into her life. do i hold any ground as things are right now?

I'm in the same boat except my wife didnt tell me about the other guy until recently, I don't know if this child is mine but I love him the same. The other guy lives out of state but he comes to visit his family every couple of months and he ask my soon to be ex. if he can see my child, that is killing me so I talked to my lawyer about adoption. He told me that as long as I filed before my divorce is final than only the mother has to sign consent, I don't want to stir up a hornets nest with this other guy and he files for visitation. What do I do?

[Dickons]

No input on what is the right thing to do but I keep coming back to this post so please consider just my thoughts...

I have two sets of parents - both are equal in my heart yet they have completely different roles. One set I know well, the other I have never met. Love is limitless and loving one set does not, will not, dimish or negate the love for the other. Love does not work that way, love is one of the greatest gifts given or recieved and no preconceptions or conditions can be placed on love. If you do, you lose the love most precious to you.

Please do not take away the chance of the child to make their own decisions, in their own time, on how they feel about having access to or knowing their biological roots which includes siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles.

And finally, the child does not share your family medical history, he/she has a different set of genes and the chances of getting different hereditary diseases that often do not appear until middle age or beyond. Family medical history is never static and cannot simply be obtained once. Please do not deny the child you love the right to that information, it could save their life one day.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Longing2bMom]

Your post doesn't say if you are married to the mother. In California, if you are married to the mother and cohabitating at the time of the child's birth, then you are the presumed father of that child. Your paternity can still be challenged with DNA testing, but only until the child reaches his/her 2nd birthday. Once the child is 2 years old, your paternity can no longer be challenged.

I know you're not in California, but maybe Texas has a similar law.

[rbj]

I am still married to the mother but the papers have been filed, we live together until about two months ago the child is 9 months old now and he does live with me. Are you saying that once he is two years old that this other guy can not challenge me for him? That is the biggest fear that I have is that I will raise him and then in the future this guy can come in here and take him from me. How do I go about checking what the laws are in Arkansas?

[Longing2bMom]

In California, the guy could not challenge you after the child's 2nd birthday so long as you were married to the mother at the time of birth and claimed the child as your own. However, each state has different laws regarding presumed fathers. I would advise you follow the advice of your attorney. He knows best what the laws are in Arkansas and how to protect your and your child's rights.