[proudirishmommy78]

I am in need of some advice from someone who is doing it, or has been there. I have been mom to two girls since they were 3 and 4 yrs old. i am also a birthmom of 2 kids.
birthmom has popped in and out a few times in their life, once when she thought it was convenient, for about 2 weeks, then disappeared, And when my DH was going thru his divorce, she saw them on a supervised visitation basis only. on her 1st overnight unsupervised, she didn't show up, no call, no letter, no emails. She never sent b-day cards, Didn't even pay CS, which as of now is in arrears of $25,000+ But through the courts, is now paying us. I tried to be completely supportive of their possible relationship when she started seeing them almost 6 years ago, until she disappeared again.
We are in Wisconsin.The kids are 10 and almost 12, they despise her and anything about her. I never talk bad about their birthmom in front of them, at least i try not to. I even potty trained the 10 year old, taught them how to swim, ride a bike, and have them involved in the church. and they are reallly close to my family. My family doesn't see them as steps, but as their own grandkids.
The birthmom has hired an attorney, and we are thinking it will be for custody of some sort. My DH has sole legal, and phys placement. She has had no contact with them for almost 6 years.
I'm afraid that she will only see them for her desired amount of time, and take off once again.
I love these kids as my own, and couldn't bare to see them go through that crap once again. We are not rich, but can provide everything that they need, including stability and love.
If we fight to have her rights removed, what are our chances, and then me adopting?

[stepadoptionblog]

Well you would have to prove that she is an unfit mother, or that she has abandoned her children. If she is filing with the courts for more visitation/custody, then proving abandonment would be next to impossible, as she is actively involved with seeking more time with them.

Proving that she is an unfit parent, is not going to be a walk in the park, to say the least. You need to present evidence that shows the courts without a doubt that the children would be in danger while in her care. The easiest way to preform a stepparent adoption is when both sides agree to the adoption, fighting to have one done is a long and costly battle.

If her pattern is to get involved with the children, only to disappear once again, perhaps your best bet is just to wait, let her get her fill and disappear, and then file for an adoption after she has had no contact with the kids for at least a year.

[proudirishmommy78]

thank you for the advice, but im supposed to sit and watch her "get her fill then disappear?" I dont think so!! shes done it to many time already

[stepadoptionblog]

I know it sounds like a terrible option, but your chances of terminating her rights while she is actively involved in trying to have more parenting time with them, will be next to impossible. When your hands are legally tied, all you can do is wait. We were in the same boat years ago, and then just as she had done in the past, she disappeared all over again after years of damaging my adopted stepson. After she walked away and moved, we filed for a TPR based on abandonment and complete a stepparent adoption.

If she is seeking more time, and you counter with a TPR, she can make a case that you are trying to alienate her from the children. You would be giving her a leg to stand on in court at the current moment.

[proudirishmommy78]

see right now, shes not trying, on feb 3rd it will have been one yesar since shes had mail contact, otherwise she hasnt had any contact whatso ever for well over a year