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Well on our way to adoption!
After MONTHS - (many, many months!) of researching and discussing the possibility, me and my husband are well on our way to him adopting my children. Their father was abusive both mentally and physically, and was a drug addict the last two years we were married. He continued to use drugs after we seperated, and the final straw for me was when he locked my children out of his dealer's house (why were they THERE anyway?) during one of their visits with him so he could get high. He did this on our oldest son's birthday, in the cold of November. I'd had it. I got a lawyer, and an order of protection, and spent the next 8 months fighting for custody and my divorce. He was arrested twice for violating the order of protection. I won not only a divorce, but also full custody with no visitation for him. It isn't always easy to prove your case, but after years of neglect, abuse, and misery I had a ton of documentation. He was ordered to pay child support, which of course he's never paid one cent of. I remarried last summer. My husband without a doubt loves these kids like they are his own. He is everything they could have asked for. We discussed adoption early on in our marriage, and this January ('04) we retained a lawyer. I knew I had to terminate the biological dad's rights. After an attempt to serve him at his last known address (amazingly enough he had moved, maybe because of all the warrants out for failure to pay child support?) we published a public notice in the paper. Today we got the call from our lawyer, the court date for termination of rights is set for 2 weeks from now. After his rights are terminated, we begin the actual adoption process.
I have met plenty of people that think I'm "taking them away from their daddy" or "just trying to get back at their daddy". He doesn't want to be a daddy to them. He walked away and never looked back. His entire family refuses to speak to us, won't even write the children a letter. They have all written us off. I understand they are mad, I was mad too when we had to live through all he did to us, but family is family. They don't want to be our family, and he chose drugs over his children. I see no reason to hold onto that. The kids deserve to have the honor of carrying the last name of the man that has shown he is their daddy. His love for them his real, he is constantly putting them in front of his wants and needs, like a parent should, like I always have. I will be SO glad when the entire process is done, and our family is complete. There will never be a chance that that monster will hurt them again.
I will update as we finish up the adoption process. I wish all of you much luck on your journeys! I hope that anyone considering stepparent adoption spends much time researching it, and talking with their spouse about it. It's not the right thing for everyone, but you'll know if it's right for you.
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05-02-2005, 04:36 PM
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