[Missymay]

Hello everyone, it's me again. Well....yesterday was my stepsons 14th birthday. He hasn't heard from his mother or half brothers in over two years. Well guess what..........he did yesterday. I am soooo upset. How can the people just waltz back into someone's life like they see and talk to him everyday? I mean come on now!!!!!!! I'm calling an attorney today to see what I can do about adopting him. I just hope that this call he had gotten won't screw things up. Thanks for letting me vent!!! I'll keep in touch.

Thanks,

Melissa

[shirleyville]

Missy,
How was the call received by your son? Was he pleased to hear from his birthmom?
Since I have no idea about the circumstances here, I am not comfortable posting an opinion, but I as an adoptee, I am familiar with many reasons why contact can be sporadic when it comes to these types of situations, and I would be interested in hearing your story!
Breathe, okay!?!?!?! (((warm hugs)))
Sally

[achap3]

I learned to do this a long time ago concerning my son's father. He too pulled disappearing acts with contact and non-support for years. I finally had to learn that no matter what that is HIS FATHER and has no bearing over me or my household. My son was always glad to hear from him and trust me it use to burn a hole in me to hear his voice. The only rule I gave his father was "Never tell him you're coming for a visit". You tell me and that way if you come great if not my son never knew he was coming in the first place and his feelings would be spared. I told father "It's not my responsibility to make or break your relationship, if you continue to act like an a*hole my son would figure it out on his own and break contact". Kids are alot smarter that we give them credit for. Whenever he goes for a visit, he's ready to come home in 2-3 days because it's not home to him and when he gets back the first thing he always does is find me, give me a hug, then becomes a symbiot and stuck to me whatever I may be doing. The look in that man's eyes even made me feel sorry for him because he knows NOTHING can break that bond. Now my son(13) knows that his father is unreliable but still loves him and wants to see and call him on occassion and the father has gotten better. I don't know how long you've been in your son's life but I'll tell you if you file adoption papers there's no telling what can of worms you open

[Missymay]

Hello again. I want to thank you for your replies. I had called a lawyer today about adopting my step son. He said I have a great chance in getting it done, but I first needed to talk to him about it. We came home from football practice, ate dinner then we talked. I told him who I called today and he was pretty excited. I had asked him if he knew what an actual adoption was. He asked me to explain it. This is what I said.. I told him first of all, no matter what his decision was, it's not wrong. I said it will cut all ties with his mom and half brothers ( who by the way, doesn't see or call either, they're over 21 & one is in prison), and we'd get our number changed, and until he is moved out of the house these rules would keep. He kept asking..."when do we go to court?" I said "George, would you please think about this because once it's done, we won't change it back." He asked me if he could talk to his school counselor about it and i said no problem. Just think about it. His bio mom has put him through enough crap his whole life. I've been married to his dad for 3 1/2 years and I'm tired of seeing this being done to him. We have a wonderful, stable home and we want to keep it this way. Who knows what will happen...but that's the chance I'm willing to take. We'll just have to wait and see!

Thanks again for your input. I'll keep you posted.

Melissa


By the way, after he got off the phone with his mom, he came and told me about their conversation and said she's still messed up. She has a new set of twins, and she can't even call me.