[StephR]

Is there anyone with experiance doing this have advice. I have a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. The guy was abusive to me and also abused drugs. When i became pregnant I left him. I have been married for almost 2 years now and my husband wants to adopt my son. I havent had any contact with the bio father since I left him. I dont know how he'll react to having his parental rights severed now (after a few years he may have different feelings). But when i was pregnant he was willing to sign over his rights, however we never did it. So the story I have stuck to is that I dont know who the father is. It seems that this will be a difficult process. Am I better off sticking to my story, or could I just find a friend to go and say he's the bio father and that he'll give up his rights, or I read something about abandonment (it has been almost 5 years). Im too scared to try to find him and have him sign over his rights. He used to stalk me and I dont want him to know where I am. Any help or advice will be appreciated.

[Eventually]

It would be very unsmart to get a friend to lie for you. Both of you could get into very big trouble for commiting fraud. And you don't want that, do you? Besides, since you were never married to the bio-father, it is possible that the court will require a paternity test. Your friend would most definitely be excluded and then you will be right back at square one. If there has been no contact at all for 5 years, I believe you could file for abandonment. Many people do their own step-parent adoptions, however, they are usually cut and dry. Since you do not know where the bio-father is or even if he will consent, I suggest the very least that you do is consult with a lawyer. I'm not saying to go out and hire the first one you talk to or even hire one at all, but while some cases are simple, others are not. Mine wasn't and there is no way that I could have done it without a lawyer.

[StephR]

Thanks for replying. No I dont want to do anything illegal. However my childrens safety is more important and I know that if he were to find us their safety would be in jeopordy. Also I'm not willing to go thru the states process of trying to prove he's a danger and throwing my childs whole life out of whack just to satisfy the state. Do you have any information on abandonment?

[Eventually]

I know that you don't want to do anything illegal. And I understand that you are concerned about your children's safety. I am the same way with my children as their bio-father is a convicted child molester. I am always watching our backs. Doing something like this is just like opening a can of worms. Some people never go ahead with a step-parent adoption because they would rather just let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak.

I really don't have alot of information on abandonment because we had different grounds, but I did find this post right here on the messageboard: http://forums.adoption.com/t12129.html
I couldn't find the June 7, 2000 post mentioned. But I hope that helps you out.