[ginaarmien]

For the last 5 months I've been debating over whether my husband and I should process the Step-parent adoption ourselves or wait another year (so we can raise the money) and higher a lawyer.

I've been to several sites online that will give youthe forms you need to do the whole thing ourselves but we're worried that if we do it this way we may have problems later on.

See, my daughter's assumed BF has been in and out of her life since she was born 2 1/2 years ago. We were in a bad relationship so I got out. He wasn't there for the pregnancy or the birth and I'm really not positive that he's even her BF. There is no one listed on her birth certificate and I don't know how to reach my ex. Since I'm not not positive he is the father and he's not listed as her father can I file this myself and just use the father unknown option? My husband and I are cautious about doing this because if later my ex decides to come back and reek havok on our family by trying to get rights to her all of the sudden then would he have a leg to stand on or are my husbands parental rights set in stone once the whole thing is processed?

Would we be more "protected" if we had a lawyer do it? Should we play it safe and include the "presumed father" on the paperwork and do the publication for his notice that my daughter's being adopted? If I say the father is unknown can he fight his way into partenal rights afterward? Should I just go pay a lawyer a lot of money? Would that really even protect me any more than doing it myself?

I'm sorry to have so many questions but if any one outthere could answer any of them (even just one!!) it'd really help me sleep better!

Thanks in advance,
Gina

[rebelchick]

Gina,
My husband and I felt the same way you did. He has been my son's dad for the last 6 years, the BF was never involved and could care less until we filled paperwork regarding a step parent adoption. Of course then he was wonder pop and claimed what a super dad he was. We did all the paperwork ourselves filing etc and it just so happened that when we filled 1/2002 the laws had changed where you had to terminate parental rights before you could adopt. He disappeared, we tried to terminate parental rights, I did the diligent search a real pain in the butt newspaper notice etc...filed all that in 11/2003 went to get our court date for the termination hearing in the beginning of Jan after the newspaper had run it's course and were told the rules changed again and we no longer needed to terminate first, as of May 2003 termination coincides with the step parent adoption.

I don't mean to ramble but it was a lot of work mostly mentally but in the long run it was all worth it it probably cost us under $500 including publication in newspaper and filing fees and as of January 22nd, 2004 the adoption is DONE!!!

I would be more that happy to get a list of the sites where I found all the forms, instructions, rules both from your circuit court and the Supreme court together for you. You will have to terminate parental rights and if there is a question on if he even is the BF you have to take a paternity test if he not you have to run an add regarding the time of conception in the paper lots of stuff, but if your heart is in it and you don't mind doing the work yourself you and your husband will save thousands of dollars and the outcome is well worth it. Let me know if you want help I'll do what ever I can to give someone the happiness we have

God Bless you and yours
rebelchick

[ginaarmien]

I'm so happy to hear that you were successful in processing the adoption for your son! I know this will all pay off once the adoption is done just as I'm sure it has for you and your family.

I would be MORE than happy to have any resource info you can send my way! My email address is armienwed@yahoo.com

The only concern I have is that I'm positive of who the BF is but not sure I can reach him for a paternity test. Right now he is not listed on the birth certificate and I'm preparing to do a "diligent search" for him, but if I can't find him then do I just do the ad in the paper about conception and all those details? Just not sure how the court will look at it. If I do that and he comes back later I just don't want to fight more than one battle. I wanna do this right from the begining.

I appreciate your response, any and all info you have please forward to me! I love knowing that even though I'm not there yet peace is coming!

Thanks!