[MSB]

After reading the negative posts here, I'd like to say that successful adoptions can be done in Alabama. We are in the final stages of adopting a 12 year old girl. I believe that the most important link in the process is the workers you are working with. They are so over worked; and some are probably burned out and have very negative attitudes. We as foster/adoptive parents owe it to the children to work to build a rapor with these workers to ensure the best care and necessary attention is given to our child(ren). We have had great support -- and workers who have been genuinely interested in our daughters outcome, and in giving up plenty of time to make our committment.

[beverly gardner]

I read your post about your successful adoption. Congratulations. You stated that the social workers are overworked and we must have a good relationship with our workers to make sure they can do their job. Ann Fontaine, with HHS in Atlanta, told me that AL has an overabundance of social workers. She said that our state has more workers than anyone else, and they still can't get the job done. She should know, because she is over AL with the Federal Govt. I have had alot of good social workers, but it seems that the good one's do not last long. They get burned out because of all of the politics and they leave. I have tried my best to work with ALL of my social workers, thinking if I did, things would go smoothly and efficiently. It doesn't happen. I have done this for 12 years and it isn't getting any better. I have had to go all the way up the ladder to Washington to get satisfaction. I will not stop plugging away, until our children here in Alabama have a home.
Bev.

[gail/john]

We are thinking of moving to Mobile, AL later this year. We have had absolutely NO success adopting in Tennessee. We want an older child, female, Caucasian. I hope we have more luck in Alabama. But, from reading this forum it seems like we're going from the frying pan into the fire!

[MSB]

Sorry to hear that you are having some problems. I would be happy to offer some suggestions if you would like. Have you taken the GPS classes yet? What sort of problems are you running into? It is definitely a process to be worked through -- and you have to work within the system.

[gail/john]

We are being told our criteria is too strict. We would like a female, Caucasian, ages 5-12 with no MAJOR mental, physical, or learning disabilities. We would also like a child who has no siblings or continued contact with her biological family. We have also been told that all females in our region have been sexually abused.

[MSB]

It will probably be difficult to find the "perfect" child, especially with no siblings in the foster care system. However, if you give birth to your own child, there is no guarantee that he/she would be "perfect" either. As to "all girls" in your region being sexually abused - we haven't found that to be the case in our experiences. In our situation, our adopted daughter has no mental, or physical problems, nor has she been sexually abused. However, she has suffered emotionally, and had alot of "labels". The emotional abuse does affect relationships, and how she processes things in that area. Alot of the issues smoothed out when the adoption was final. Making that committment to her really helped her to know how much we care for her. For the most part she is a very normal teenager, but what about teenagers is "normal"? They can ALL be a pain the the !!!. We have two grown daughters, and five grandchildren -- so A/D is only child at home. She does have a 9 y/o half brother that she continues to see. Their only contact is at our home. He usually comes on a Friday night and leaves Saturday afternoon. By then she's tired of having to play with him anyway, and is ready for him to go. He doesn't come often. We wait for her to say she wants to have him over; which usually is about 2-3 months. As time has gone by these visits are requested less. We could have severed that relationship with the adoption, and are still free to do so at any time, but we feel that it is important now, and will be even more important to them when they are grown. We have had 2 sets of foster children since the adoption, with a total of three girls. None of these girls have been sexually abused, or have any mental or physical problems; but they are a part of a sibling group. Our A/D came to live with us, after TPR, as a foster child. This gave us time to work on the problems, and to make sure. Our case is also a little different, because we knew her; she was a foster child of some friends of ours. We spent alot of time with her while she was in their care. She was 9 y/o when we first got involved. This is probably alot more personal information than you wanted to read. But I guess I'm just trying to make the point that these children, really need someone. They need love; and nurturing. And that really helps alot of the issues and behaviors to stop. They may have a "label" of some sort; but so do ALOT of kids who are not in foster care. Sometimes I think these kids have more "labels" because they have had so much attention by professionals; psychiatrist, psychologists, etc. who need to receive payment from government funds. What we consider "normal" kids, living in their own families, don't have all this intervention in their lives and therefore don't get as many "labels". I hope that makes sense. In any case, the point I am attempting to make is to get to know a kid; good parenting can really change alot of the problems these kids have.

[gail/john]

My husband said yours is the most positive reply we have heard in a long time. What region do you live in and who was your case worker, please. We really appreciate all the "personal" information and I we needed this right now. We are having such a hard time trying to get any child even suggested to us by DCS. We'll hang in there. And, I hope you will take the time to reply to us again. THANKS