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Originally Posted By emily

i am a 17 yr old who wants to be adopted...i do not like my parents...they treat me like i am nothing... i do everything around the house...i clean and i take care of my brother and sister...i get no freedom and i am able to do nothing...please someone help and let me know how i can put myself up for adoption...if it is necessary

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Originally Posted By Brook

Hello Emily,

I had 2 sons and 4 adopted Korean daughters. They're grown now and I'm in the beginning stages of adopting more children. They'll be older kids from the US this time.

I'd be more than receptive to talking with you about your desires to be adopted at the age of 17. The last daughter I adopted was 15 when I got her and she could speak almost no English. She went on to get an ROTC scholarship, graduated from a University, was commissioned an officer in the Army, and at 29 is nearing a 6-digit annual income.

You do need to understand a few things, however, such as our family rules:

*You must be respectful to fellow family members.
*You must be a contributing member of our family. That means helping with chores on a regular and continual basis. It could easily mean cooking dinner for me if I won't be home until later one evening. I AM a stay-at-home Mom, but there will surely be a few occasions when something comes up, but don't worry...I'll make sure you can cook. Hopefully it's something we'll enjoy doing together.
*You will do all of your own laundry as all our members do. After all, you're the one who got your things dirty to begin with.
*I don't abide by many of today's fashions for teens. They're suggestive (such as a T-shirt saying NAUGHTY), far too sexy (such as shirts that bare the stomach and pants that bare the upper hip), and too skimpy (such as many scooped necked shirts and dresses that show clevage.)A general rule of thumb might be: If you bend down to pick up a book and I can see your breasts, well then the boys can also and that's just too revealing for my daughter to wear. The item in question leaves your closet, forevermore to be MINE! I hope you'll understand. You see, young gals today just don't seem to have any sense of MODESTY whatsoever, but I'll keep plugging away and hope that I can instill that sense of modesty in my kids.
*We have only basic cable TV, and we have a standing rule of NO television on school nights.
*Just to make sure that you understand, you won't be going out on school nights either...and your homework must be done before leisure time every evening.
*IMPORTANT: I certainly HOPE you exercise good judgement when making decisions for yourself. I'll be watching and checking to see how you do in that category. It's CRITICAL that you do well because, if you don't, I won't feel comfortable when you're out of my sight. I hope you can understand.
*You will be expected to get good grades. By that I mean I'll expect the MOST out of you that you're capable of. After all, as your Mom I'll want you to be the very best that you can be. Wouldn't you want that also?
*It is IMPERATIVE that you get really good grades in school because getting a college scholarship will be critical!! And qualifying for a scholarship means being a well-rounded student...active in sports, a member of various clubs, etc.
*Everyone helps with meals: setting the table, putting ice in glasses and pouring the drinks, helping me put the food on the table...and after we're through, you'll help clear off the table and with some regularity help me do the dishes and/or mop the kitchen floor (as do your other siblings.)
*We attend church regularly in addition to other religious activities.
*I won't function under the premise that you can exclusively be trusted. That you'll have to earn. I've had the wool pulled over my eyes on more than one occasion so I'm ALWAYS watchful. After all, I don't work hard to instill morals and values in my children simply to quit once they reach 16 and (supposedly) start dating. Goodness NO, that's when I'm even MORE WATCHFUL!!
*In that you'll have younger siblings, I'll rely on you sometimes to babysit. I did it as a youngster and it's just something families do.
*When you're babysitting, you'll be expected to stay off the phone. I or other people you're babysitting for may be trying to reach you.
*Because you'll be the oldest child at home, I'll expect you to do your darnest to be a shining example to the younger ones following in your footsteps.
*FOR SURE: I will absolutely, positively NOT tolerate a dirty, foul, or cursing mouth in family members!! That even includes the work SUCKS, as in 'that sucks.' Additionally, I don't like to hear the word GOD the way it commonly seems to be used now, such as, 'Oh God!'
*IMPORTANT: I will ALWAYS want to know where you're going, who you'll be with, what you'll do there, where else you'll be going, who'll be driving, and when you'll be coming home. If plans change I'll expect to be called and notified or even consulted.
*I'll expect you to save a generous percentage of monies you earn for your college education. And YES, there's no option but that you'll GO...TO...COLLEGE! And since I'm not wealthy, you can attend community college for the first two years, and you'll be living at home during that time. (And, of course, you'll continue to set a good example for your siblings.)
*Do you drive? What is your driving record? You will only drive the family car when you pay the additional costs of auto insurance when your name is added. IMPORTANT: IF and WHEN you drive my car, know that you will be EXPECTED to ABIDE...BY...THE...LAW!! If you ever, EVER get a speeding ticket, the result from Mom will be NO driving privileges for one full year. Period! After all, I've already emphasized how important it is to keep the law, and that means driving within the speed limit.
*Regarding curfews: At age 21 I lived at home (in Hawaii) and my curfew was 12:30am. I don't know what yours will be, but please don't assume it'll even be as late as midnight. I just can't say at this time. I guess it has, in part, to do with the kind of daughter you turn out to be: is our channel of communication open, are you honest with me, do you exercise good judgement when making personal decisions, have you chosen good friends, do you present yourself well both at home and when you leave the house, etc.

Emily, this is only a partial list written off the top of my head. There are many other things to be listed, some of which pertain to basic personal hygiene and thoughtfulness, such as...

1) Don't talk with your mouth full of food.
2) Don't make smacking noises when you eat...nobody wants to hear it.
3) Don't chew gum with your mouth open, and absolutely do NOT pop your gum.
4) Ours is not one of those families that sees the humor in burping as loud as one can, or farting and laughing at the noise! It's a bodily function, and if it occurs you'll be expected to politely say 'excuse me' with no laughing, no giggling, and no snickering.
5) Don't blow your nose at the dining table. There's nothing mannerly about draining your nasal passages at the table while people are trying to eat. Go to the bathroom, CLOSE THE DOOR so we can't hear you, and then blow your nose.
6) Always say PLEASE and THANK YOU when appropriate. Additionally, there are many occasions when PARDON ME should be used. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll teach them to you quite quickly.
7) You absolutely will NEVER litter.
8) No matter what, you must always be kind to animals, the elderly, grownups, rank, position, and the handicapped.
9) You'll be expected to keep your room fairly neat and clean.
10) In that our family is one that is (or was) one of both males and females, you will NEVER walk through the house with a towel wrapped around you after having showered. (It has to do with appropriateness and that sense of modesty I'm hoping for.) And so, I suggest that you take your robe into the bathroom with you when you shower.
11) Our standing rule is that nobody calls out or in after 9 pm. It may sound excessive, but my reasons are as follows: Other families have young children who certainly go to bed by 8:30 or 9 pm. Out of respect for such a situation, I don't want them awakened by your frequent late phone calls. Additionally, we may have children going to be at or before 9 and I don't want them awakened either. Doesn't that make sense? It falls into the THOUGHTFUL OF OTHERS category.
12) I'm a parent who ultimately gets to know your teachers...all of them. I will certainly do MY part to help you become the best you can be!
13) If you don't know what to do in regards to a problem, just realize that you're better off telling me about it than waiting until I find out for myself. That isn't a good thing!

Know that there are probably dozens more items that should be on this list, but time is limited right now.

And so Emily, how do you measure up to the mere basics of my home and family?

I'm a great cook, my homemade ice cream is the absolute BEST in the land, I'm upbeat and outgoing, I have a horse, three dogs, seven cats and a rosy boa snake. I'd love to learn kayaking and hope that my future children will enjoy doing it with me. I'm receptive to canoes instead, and camping trips along the way. I've lived in and traveled the world and hope to take my children to some of my favorite countries one day, such as Korea and Czechoslovakia.

My children enjoy attending Christian summer camp annually (I attended Squaw Valley Music Academy one summer when I was a teenager), and my next family of children may very well all attend Christian schools.

I hope to begin breeding Nigerian Dwarf Goats next year on a small scale, and am entertaining the notion of miniature donkeys also.

I live in Washington state where you never have extremes in the winter and summer, which is wonderful! I have 3 1/2 acres with half of it is forest...and gorgeous!!

I'm stricter than most parents (or so I observe), but I don't think that I'm too strict...it's just that other parents are far too lenient. I'm just being honest here in case you decide to consider me as an alternative to tho strict parent(s) you currently have.


Are you sure your parent(s) are too strict, or is it that they love you dearly and you guys have different ideas of what's best for you?

The best of luck to you, Emily.

The Future-Mom to somebody...Brook

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Patti

Can I copy your list of rules? I love them. They sound like rules I want to instill in my future children. I just haven't had the time to put them down on paper!!! It sounds as though you have a very clear view on how we as parents hope our children shall and will act. If I may copy these rules for my foster/adoptive children I would be forever greatful. Thank you!

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Patti

Can I copy your list of rules? I love them. They sound like rules I want to instill in my future children. I just haven't had the time to put them down on paper!!! It sounds as though you have a very clear view on how we as parents hope our children shall and will act. If I may copy these rules for my foster/adoptive children I would be forever greatful. Thank you!

[MINISTER TYRONE]

well i would love to help you but at this time i am going throuhgh the legal process of become a afoster parent i am a minister in my church and we need more young people are are clean responible as you are i am sorry that things are tuff for you i will pray for you god bless you

[sasharedmond]

Hi my name is Tammy I'm new to this foster parent life. I haven't put on paper any rules any chance you could e-mail me your's. I haven't had a placement yet so I'm fearful I won't have the appropiate rules for my children to follow. Any one who has any suggestion's on how to start would be appreciated.