[Haabda]

I am a single male living in Mississippi. I am 30 years old. I have been a volunteer in the Boy Scouts of America for the last 8 years and am heavily involved in the youth ministry at church. I am seeking advice on non state-licensed adoption agencies. I am interested in adopting a child age 10 to 13 or fostering a child 10-17. I started this journey three years ago by contacting the local DHS branch. They denied to license me but refused to give me any reasons.

Therefore, I found a private agency who is licensed by DHS and they placed a child with me. I had the child for four months before they found an adoptive home for him. Letting him go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. At that point I decided I didn't want to foster anymore because it was too difficult emotionally. I decided the next child to come to my home would be permanent. So, I contacted a local adoption agency (my current agency only does fostering, not adoptions.)

I have been working with the adoption agency for 8 months and everything was going smoothly, they did all the background checks, abuse checks, and references. All of which I passed with flying colors. The social worker told me she could not understand why DHS chose to turn me down. It took them many months to get DHS to even talk to them about me and when they finally did, DHS sent them an e-mail recommended they do not license me. Because the adoption agency is licensed by DHS, they are "afraid" to license me because they don't want DHS to get mad at them.

I am tired of DHS throwing up roadblocks to my adopting. Does anyone out there know of an agency that is not licensed by a state-sponsored DHS? Do I need to get a lawyer and sue DHS for discrimination? Is there anyone who can help me?

[millie58]

You may need to get a lawyer. If there is no criminal history or behavior, there should be no reason why you couldn't foster or adopt. I'm in NY and in MAPP class, we were told that the difference between state foster care and private agencies is that the agencies can deny you without reason. DHS has to have a reason and it can't discriminate.

[Sleeplvr]

DHS has to have a reason for denial. The reason might not be what we see as reasonable but it is still documented. Somethings to think about... if you have something that was expunged from your records... it will show up on whatever type of background check that DHS does. If you neglect to disclose it they will deny you because they will think you are hiding other information. Any past mental health issues... were they treated or untreated and did you disclose them. Look at the age range you are requesting. Most states have a 15 year age difference requirement and if you are 30 willing to take a 16 or 17 year old it may automatically disqualify you.
Did one of your references secretly say something negative? It could be any number of things.

I would investigate as to why DHS denied you because you are probably going to continue getting denials until you get that resolved. Unfortunately there has been some negative press lately about single men who have adopted and that may have some impact as well.

[Haabda]

I have never had any mental health issues. Nothing has ever been expunged from my record because there has never been anything on it (other than one speeding ticket 12 years ago). DHS refuses to tell me why, they refuse to send me rejection letter. That is why I'm going to hire a lawyer to get a court order for my DHS records. I can't address anything or correct any mistakes if they won't tell me what is wrong.

[MO_SingleDad-2B]

Wow. Denied and not given a reason? Maybe a lawyer getting involved is just what DHS needs to get there head out of the sand.

I'm a 39 yr old single male just starting the process in Missouri. Start classes next month and hope everything is smooth sailing.

Good luck with your quest and hope you can get this all cleared up pronto!

[mnmomma]

Any updates? Your situation just frustrates me. We are constantly being told how many kids need positive male role models, yet here you are and you're being turned down! I hope you've hired an attorney or at least escalated the situation within DHS.

[Haabda]

I found an agency that is not beholden to DHS. I told them my story and they told me they have heard similar stories in the past. They seem very open to the idea of a single male adopting. Something about this new agency just feels right.

I likely will not bother suing Mississippi DHS. I think it would be a better use of my resources to put them toward whatever fees will be associated with an adoption rather than giving the money to a lawyer for what would likely be a long and drawn-out legal battle.

[timleenettesue]

I have a cousin (much older than me) that adopted as a single male. I was young when all this happened, but he and I have talked at length now that I am grown and my husband and I have adopted children of our own.

He adopted three teenage boys. None of them were related before the adoption, so it was three different cases.

IT CAN BE DONE!!!! There are soooo many children that need a good family, just hang in there!!!

[parenting-over-40]

Originally Posted by Haabda

I found an agency that is not beholden to DHS. I told them my story and they told me they have heard similar stories in the past. They seem very open to the idea of a single male adopting. Something about this new agency just feels right.

I likely will not bother suing Mississippi DHS. I think it would be a better use of my resources to put them toward whatever fees will be associated with an adoption rather than giving the money to a lawyer for what would likely be a long and drawn-out legal battle.

That is Wonderful news that you found the right agency. Congratulations!

What a great attitude about where to put your money and time. Some child is going to be lucky to call you Daddy!

Please keep us posted as you progress.

[Haabda]

Things are going well with the new agency. They don't do the home study until you complete the training. I'm attending the training classes and will update when I have more news.